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  1. #1
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    Default Does Your DH/DP Come to all Your Appointments?

    Hi Ladies,

    Just curious. My DH insists on coming to all the blood tests, ultrasounds etc, and being a part of the entire IVF experience ... but we have noticed in the mornings at the clinic, he is almost always the only man there and nobody else has partners (whether they be male or female) with them; it's just women on their own. I realise how lucky I am to have him. The other women all kind of look at him. I wonder if they're going home at night to tell their partners, "other people's partners go with them to the clinic, you know!"

    Is this just a newbie thing? Is my DH only coming because it's our first cycle ... and then novelty will wear off? Or maybe it's because he knows we're going through IVF because of MFI issues, so he wants to support me through all my part of it. Or maybe I'm just lucky! It is true that his work is right across the road from the clinic so it is an easier location for him than me. However, yesterday my appointments were later than usual and he'd already been at work for an hour and is really busy, but insisted on coming out of work to meet me at the clinic.

    So just wondering about everyone else here. Does your partner come with you? Did they used to come with you, but stopped after a while?

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by peoniesarepretty View Post
    Hi Ladies,

    Just curious. My DH insists on coming to all the blood tests, ultrasounds etc, and being a part of the entire IVF experience ... but we have noticed in the mornings at the clinic, he is almost always the only man there and nobody else has partners (whether they be male or female) with them; it's just women on their own. I realise how lucky I am to have him. The other women all kind of look at him. I wonder if they're going home at night to tell their partners, "other people's partners go with them to the clinic, you know!"

    Is this just a newbie thing? Is my DH only coming because it's our first cycle ... and then novelty will wear off? Or maybe it's because he knows we're going through IVF because of MFI issues, so he wants to support me through all my part of it. Or maybe I'm just lucky! It is true that his work is right across the road from the clinic so it is an easier location for him than me. However, yesterday my appointments were later than usual and he'd already been at work for an hour and is really busy, but insisted on coming out of work to meet me at the clinic.

    So just wondering about everyone else here. Does your partner come with you? Did they used to come with you, but stopped after a while?
    I've never done IVF so I'm not sure what the norm is for that, but my DH has come to a pre-conception appointment with me and will definitely be coming to ultrasounds. He probably wouldn't be able up come to all doctors appointments as he doesn't have that kind of flexibility with his job.

    I think it's really sweet that yours makes the effort! All the women sitting in there alone must envy you!

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to Justwant2beamummy For This Useful Post:

    peoniesarepretty  (24-03-2012)

  4. #3
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    My partner came to everything they could. Sometimes it wouldn't work because of her schedule or whatever but if she could be there she was. It was incredibly important to both of us that she be included as part of the process and I don't know if I could have done it without her support to be honest.

    It seemed pretty common at my clinic (Repromed in Darwin) for partners to be around in the waiting room. The clinic were completely used to it as well, in fact they're almost as likely to call my DP with blood test results and whatever than they are to call me.

    I think it's great that your DH is so supportive and his schedule allows him to come with you. Keep it up I say!

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    peoniesarepretty  (24-03-2012)

  6. #4
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    Peoniesarepretty,
    Your DH is an absolute treasure! Being located close by must help but it is really lovely that you are starting out being 100% in this together. It is such a challenging road and so important to feel well supported by your partner.

    Mine hasn't come to the bts, scans during a cycle as it just isn't feasible but I do phone him after each one so we can discuss the results and share the experience of jubilation or disappointment depending on how the cycle is going.

    He has come to every single FS appt, every single EPU and to 7 out of 8 transfers in the almost 3 years we have been doing IVF (he was overseas for 1).

    Could you ask him why he has decided to come to all appointments? I have tried to let mine off the hook a couple of times for FS appts when he is really busy but he always says 'we are in this together' and makes the time. Even if sometimes he has nothing to add or questions to ask (I am the IVF researcher in our family) it has always been reassuring to have him there, to have a debrief together after the appt and to feel that we are making all decisions together.

    with your 1st cycle and I hope it is successful!

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    peoniesarepretty  (24-03-2012)

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    I keep saying to him, "It's just a blood test/ultrasound. You don't have to come." ... but he insists on it. Very cute.

    We will be going together for EPU as he is having the microdissection same day - in fact, his will be the bigger operation with much longer recovery. Neither of us will be able to drive, so we've arranged a friend to come & pick us up & take us home. I don't know if my DH will be ok to come with me for ET either - will have to see how he goes after the op.

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    He came to scans , 1 midwife appt cause it was at. 640pm, and he will come to one more midwife one cause they suggest the dps do . Otherwise everything else on my own. He would annoy me if he came all the time :/

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    That's so sweet peonies!

    First time round dh came to the scans but this time there's really no need. Of course EPU and transfer but bloods and scans its just me..

    Yes def unusual for men to be in the waiting room! Haha

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    My DH comes to the important scans (ie nuchal and morph) but doesn't come to all the hospital appointments because usually it just isn't that interesting for him (or me for that matter lol). If it were more centered around the baby (seeing/hearing him/her) he would be more open to coming but often hospital appointments are just a lot of waiting and blood tests etc. of course if he wanted/offered to come i would take him up on it because it's bloody boring by yourself!

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    Sorry, I'm talking about IVF appointments.

  13. #10
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    My hubby comes to everything with me too and I love it. Even though everything is happening to my body, this is OUR journey together!!! We are lucky that he is able to come and go from work as he pleases and it must be hard for others who aren't as lucky....but we are in this together, making our baby takes the two of us!
    Everyone's situation and feelings are different, but as long as you are both happy you should continue enjoying each and every step together.
    Good luck with everything!

  14. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to wewannabub For This Useful Post:

    peoniesarepretty  (24-03-2012),Rittzy  (24-03-2012)


 

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