Hello ladies, I'm a fellow hubber using a separate account due to the nature of this post. I would like to keep the problems in my marriage some what private.
Alright this might become a long post.
You might have to hit the "more" link at the end
My husband told me he has had feelings for some one else and it started to get serious.
Here is a bit about the whole thing.. And a bit of our history.
My husband and I have not been married long (2 years )
After we got married he had problems with watching Porn all the time, I didn't really care as it seemed to be something men do.
It got to a point where he was watching and masturbating to it all the time.
He started not wanting to have sex with me and only wanted to masturbate to porn, he would do it at times when he should be by my side
For example; when I was in early labour.
There were other times he did it when it was inappropriate.
The girls he would watch look nothing like me, the things they did wasn't something I had ever done with my husband. Leaving me extremely self conscious.
He never did it in front of me, sometimes I would walk in on him and others I would check the Internet history, he always admitted to it. and say he wouldn't do it again.
I started having alarm bells ringing in my head when I had seen on his Internet history (I use to work in IT so I know how to recover deleted history, emails ect) that he was chatting to girls on sex sites and getting off on what they were saying, and what they were doing on web cam.
That was when I said enough is enough this needs to stop.
He started going to counseling, Since going he says he hasn't watched porn or masturbated, Internet history is clear, emails ect are clear, and I put secret spy wear/web watcher into the computer and it is linked to all electronics, i check it daily, and it's all clear.
We also installed a porn blocker for all the computers and I phones, I pads, play station ect.
All was going great until he dropped a complete bom shell on me that has left me in a million pieces.
I thought there was something that he wasn't telling me, I pushed and pushed him for about 4 hours one night to tell me what he was hiding.
He told me that one of the girls at his work, he had strong feelings for her and she felt the same way, they had been flirting and having lunch together ect.
Holding hands, but no sex or kissing... he says...
He said in the end (when he first started getting help for his pron problems) he told her it was wrong, and it needed to stop ect
So he "says" now he has no feelings for her any more and that he has just "turned off" any feelings he had for her...
How does someone even "turn off" feelings??? He still works with this girl and it scares the **** out of me.
I have been cheated on in the past, not by him but by a boyfriend I had for 5 years, that was a one night stand.
To be honest, my husband having a "relationship" with this other girl has made me more upset.... Because with my ex cheating it was a one night stand and no feelings developed.
But my husband! He had strong "borderline love" as he called it for this lady.... She knew he was married with a child... I just don't understand!!
She looks beautiful, legs up to the sky, long blonde hair... I envy her...
When my husband told me this he was crying, saying how horrible he felt and he was to afraid of loosing me.
I seen my solicitor the next day and got the application for divorce papers.
My thinking was that we had only been married 2 years who else knows what he will be up to in a few years time!! And my daughter! No way do I want her growing up in a marriage where the mother isn't loved and is treated this way.
I handed him to application for divorce to sign it and he just cried for hours, and wouldn't sign it. Every time he seen me he just broke down into tears and made me feel bad! How does that even work??
He started doing all this crap to try and "show he loved me" so to speak.. Like little notes all over the house, flowers every day ect.
All this made me feel bad because i wasn't taking him back, so I decided to give me another chance.
But since I have, he is slowly slipping back into his old ways.
I told him the other night I wanted to separate for a while so he could sort out his ****. And I could try and see what I really wanted to do! He said yes but since me telling him this he is acting like the discussion never came up!
That's where we are at now.
He cries if I bring it up, don't know if the tears are genuine or just some type of way to make me feel bad and go back to him.
I think he is extremely scared of what people will think of him if we separated.
I love him so much, and I don't want to leave him. But I have just been hurt so much and the future is so uncertain, I don't want to get to 10 years down the road and he is leaving me for some one else, I don't want there to be a chance for him to disappoint our daughter like my dad did to me.
I'm at a complete cross road and I do not want to leave him, I still love him, yes I am hurt! And angry, and want to go down to his work and yell at this women and I want to scream at my husband.. So many emotions but live for him is still the main one.
But everything in my mind and instinct is tell me to get out now. Leave.
If he loves this other girl, then I think he should tell me the truth about what HE wants too.. I don't want him resenting me because he lost his chance at true love or some crap.
I have no idea what to do next, I have told no one about this and have nobody to talk to... I feel like I'm in a dark place with no way of knowing whats the right or wrong thing to do here.