+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 11
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    10
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    1
    Reviews
    0

    Default Worried about having a baby in Sydney when all my family live in England...

    Hi! Is anyone else in a similar situation or have advice to offer?....

    I'm English but am married to an Aussie and have been living here very happily for over 7 years now. Im worried that having a baby here so far away from my family and friends back home will make me really homesick. My husbands family all live in Sydney but the MIL is very critical and pushy and has never been hugely keen on me.

    I feel like my family are going to miss out on all the milestones and im going to miss out on all the non-judgemental help my own family would offer if they were close by. I love living in Australia and hope that having a baby isnt going to change this.

    Help!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    444
    Thanks
    84
    Thanked
    60
    Reviews
    0
    Yes! Sorry to say it but now I have DS I am more home sick for my mum and grandparents. We were all close as I grew up. Dh has 12 nieces and nephews here while I only have on in the uk so know DS has lots of fun at family events but it's not the same as being with your own family. I moved here from London 10 years ago and while I love our life here (dh is Aussie) I now miss my family so much more. Bubba #2 due in aug/sept mum will try to make it for the birth as she did last time too.

    Hugs


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    5,005
    Thanks
    1,052
    Thanked
    3,524
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Shammy View Post
    Hi! Is anyone else in a similar situation or have advice to offer?....

    I'm English but am married to an Aussie and have been living here very happily for over 7 years now. Im worried that having a baby here so far away from my family and friends back home will make me really homesick. My husbands family all live in Sydney but the MIL is very critical and pushy and has never been hugely keen on me.

    I feel like my family are going to miss out on all the milestones and im going to miss out on all the non-judgemental help my own family would offer if they were close by. I love living in Australia and hope that having a baby isnt going to change this.

    Help!
    Hi Shammy... I'm from Scotland and have lived in Melbourne for almost 8 years. We have no family here at all as DH is english so we are all on our lonesome family-wise. It is hard and I especially miss my mum but especially in the last two years I have become less and less homesick and know that Melbourne is where we are meant to be. There is nothing in the UK for us, apart from family and friends, but career wise and lifestyle wise we are way better off here. Realising that fully makes the decision easier, for us anyway. It will be sad that our baby won't really know its immediate family in the same way others do but we hope there will be annual visits and of course Skype is a lifesaver! We definitely wouldn't live in the same place as our families even if we did go back to the UK, so that is another reason it doesn't make sense for us to return for the sake of family. We would have to go to London, and enough said really!!

    Anyway I feel I am blabbing on without giving any concrete advice, but I guess I don't really have any. Just know hat you are not alone!! Remember why you are here in the first place and I am sure the homesickness will be manageable. Just take each day as it comes.

    When are you due?

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    74
    Thanks
    14
    Thanked
    6
    Reviews
    1
    I'm originally from Scotland, with an Aussie husband, and I agree, it's not fun when everyone you most want to be here is so far away. For me though, ya have to weigh upmwhynyou want to stay, what opportunities you can have here that are different/better to there. If Aus still wins, then you just have to mak e the best of it, like I do and accept that loneliness and a reliance on Skype!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    1,002
    Thanks
    268
    Thanked
    641
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I could have written your post myself, how odd. I met hubby out here, all my family are in the UK, his MIL isnt too keen on me, infact most of his family arent.

    I havent seen anyone in my family since before DD was born because I havent been back and they havent been out.

    I try not to think about it too much, just get on with day to day life. I call home occasionally but it always makes me upset so I dont do it too often.
    I try not to think about the fact that my mum has never met my daughter, never given her a hug etc, it makes me sad so I dont do it. I push it to the back of my mind and get on with life.

    I know its hard to do, but your life is out here now, you need to start distancing yourself from them a little.If you are calling home every week you need to start making it like every 2 weeks, or even 3. I KNOW that sounds harsh, but its what works for me. I call home like every 6 months. Anymore than that and I start thinking about things too much.

    Do what works for you.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    334
    Thanks
    18
    Thanked
    34
    Reviews
    0
    I have that too, but not as much distance! I am from Adelaide and had my DS in Melbourne. My DH is Scottish so has all his family over there. I was lucky that my family could find over when DS was born but it's not the same as them living close by. We will most likely end up back in the UK and we are currently ttc our next child so I may feel the distance you have soon! Keep in as much contact with your family as you can. My DS is 2 now and knows everyone's names through visits, Skype, photos and a fantastic iPhone app that lets you put photos on it as flash cards for kids. He is also quite comfortable with them when they do visit.

    It is hard, but you can do it! Good luck. 😃

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    690
    Thanks
    173
    Thanked
    188
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    We had our DD in London after being there for many years, and all our family live in Australia. We moved back for a few reasons - yes, we missed our family but also we thought the lifestyle in Australia was better for our baby. The public transport in London was hard with a baby, the weather wasn't anywhere as good which made it much harder to get out with a baby, crime etc etc. I loved England when living there but the lifestyle there just can't compare once you have kids (in my opinion, of course!)

    To make it easier, I'd say Skype a lot, send lots of text photos and videos. Plan holidays in advance so you have a trip back to look forward to. See if your family can make a trip out to Australia to visit the new baby. And try and find support in other ways like joining a Mother's group.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    5,005
    Thanks
    1,052
    Thanked
    3,524
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    We speak to our families at least once a week... Not long calls - just as if they were here really! My one piece of advice about this though is not to call when homesick as it will NOT make you feel better. I hardly get homesick these days but remember the feeling well and it comes from nowhere and can be overwhelming...

    We are fortunate to have a close knit group of friends and couldn't do it without them! Also agree re: mothers group, etc. I will def be doing that too...

    xx

  9. #9
    Made in England's Avatar
    Made in England is offline thought it was about time I put something other than 'senior member'...
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Rockhampton, Qld
    Posts
    537
    Thanks
    156
    Thanked
    50
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I'm from Manchester, DF is Aussie, and I've now been here for 4 years. I'm an only child too, and my parents have been so supportive of my decision to move here. They even helped towards the cost of my visa. It has been very hard for them, but they don't show it in the slightest, and I'm so thankful to them for their incredible supports.
    However... Since DD was born (and even when I was pregnant with her) I have incredible guilt for being here. I feel like I'm denying them of their only grandchild. And now I'm pregnant with baby number 2 and still feel the same. I've spoke to my parents about it and again, all they have given me is incredible support. That helps so much.
    We speak on Skype 2 or 3 times a week for an hour or so at a time, and I'm always sending photos and I do a dvd of videos we have taken and send them over on a regular basis. I was worried about DD not knowing her UK grandparents, but she does, thanks to Skype. She recognises them when she sees them.
    My parents have been over twice now, and are coming again in October this year, and we've been over to the UK for 3 months. We are plan on visits once a year - one year they come to us, the next we go to them.
    It is hard, but we make it work. Skype has been a lifesaver for us, and the fact that my parents are so supportive of my choice to live here. And I have a fantastic circle of friends too, that I met off here.
    good luck x

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    74
    Thanks
    14
    Thanked
    6
    Reviews
    1
    Quote Originally Posted by GothChick View Post
    I could have written your post myself, how odd. I met hubby out here, all my family are in the UK, his MIL isnt too keen on me, infact most of his family arent.

    I havent seen anyone in my family since before DD was born because I havent been back and they havent been out.

    I try not to think about it too much, just get on with day to day life. I call home occasionally but it always makes me upset so I dont do it too often.
    I try not to think about the fact that my mum has never met my daughter, never given her a hug etc, it makes me sad so I dont do it. I push it to the back of my mind and get on with life.

    I know its hard to do, but your life is out here now, you need to start distancing yourself from them a little.If you are calling home every week you need to start making it like every 2 weeks, or even 3. I KNOW that sounds harsh, but its what works for me. I call home like every 6 months. Anymore than that and I start thinking about things too much.

    Do what works for you.
    I agree with doing what works for you, but for me, reducing contact would not make it easier, breaking off contact so my kids don't know the other side of the family just because of distance seems pretty damn harsh. I have two nieces at home, 3&5 who can both (unfortunately at times!) use face time. They call almost every day, sometimes just to say they are in trouble! I sit and watch the television with my mum ( Gotta love Jeremy Kyle!) and do all the things I always have with them, the important stuff like fighting and sulking! I wish I knew other Scottish people here, as that is my only regret, my one will not grow up hearing my accent as normal, but I just reason, we have made our choices, and are providing our kids with a life we feel is appropriate. There is no point in getting too upset about the lack of physical contact, as ultimately we all made this choice for a reason, it is still upsetting at times, I understand that but technology des make things and people closer.


 

Similar Threads

  1. Worried about 'creepy' family member around my children
    By karter in forum Issues with Family Members
    Replies: 82
    Last Post: 15-04-2012, 21:33
  2. Sydney one of the most expensive cities to live in...
    By OS&N in forum News & Current Affairs
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 15-02-2012, 20:30
  3. do you live near your family?
    By Zombie_eyes in forum General Chat
    Replies: 33
    Last Post: 08-01-2012, 09:19

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Bamboo Lulu
Super soft, fun prints & basics for baby, made from bamboo & organic cotton plus non-toxic wooden toys. • Hypoallergenic - perfect for eczema relief • Everything needed to shop for a baby shower • 10% off + FREE gift with purchase. Use code BUBHUB
sales & new stuffsee all
The Health Hub
Give a new mum a fitness boost for Christmas & New Year. Studio-based, small group training sessions - cardio, strength, core, Pilates & boxing. Choice of 16 hrs per week, flexible-arrival feature - bubs & kids welcome! Gift vouchers available.
featured supporter
Vibe Natural Health
Your natural health care team for fertility, pregnancy, post natal and family health care. Our Naturopaths, Doctors, Osteopaths, Acupuncturists, Psychologists,Nutritionists, Pilates, & Massage specialise in women & children's health and wellbeing.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!