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  1. #1
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    Default How do you deal with it?

    Hi Everyone,

    My husband I separated in October and we have a 2yr daughter. I didn't move out of our house until January and since then my husband has realised how important our daughter is to him and he now want to have her 50% of the time. I am being very fair and allowing this to happen but when she is not with me I feel like I am missing a part of myself. I am so used to having her there that I am not coping very well when she is gone. It is not so bad if he just has her for one night but when he has her for two in a row I am a mess.

    How do you all deal with not having your child with you?

    I am wanting to get back into exercise so that it will be a distraction but I haven't got around to it yet.

    Thank you

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    We are in very similar yet different situations but when it comes to not being around the LO i am totally the same and all my friends/family see it. Its like i become deflated, its boring!! What the hell did we do pre-babies???

    I am lucky in that ex has only just started having DS every second weekend. The first time he had him i balled every day (he only had him 3 days!!).

    I just try and keep myself busy busy busy. This weekend i'll be starting off with waxing appt and toning my hair friday night, saturday will be put on fake tan and clean up a bit while it develops, cut out fabric ready to sew, head to my sisters for a bbq with friends, head out for a dance with the girls saturday night, sunday i'll be sewing sewing sewing until DS gets home at 4.

    Of course the waxing, hair and tanning might not appeal to you but i used to do it pre-baby so use my 'free time' to just love myself a bit and relax :-) and i dont go out every weekend he's away. Sometimes i get a bottle of wine, crank channel V and cut cut cut sew sew sew (yep, i love to sew)

    While they never leave your mind it does get easier (for lack of a better word) in time
    Last edited by Bennos Mummy; 22-03-2012 at 10:31. Reason: because i cant spell this morning

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    brydz  (23-03-2012),res79  (25-03-2012)

  4. #3
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    Oh this problem is really big, my husband goes through this when he's not with his kids, and it's a real emotional rollercoaster being with him at times.

    Time hasn't improved things much either, he's conscious of everything he's not a part of and everything he's missing out on. I'd love to hear from someone who has the answer.

  5. #4
    brydz is offline blessed with everyone amazing in my life
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    I have a 17 month old who goes to his dad 35% at the moment. we worked it out he is with ne for three nights each time and has two two night stays and one one night stay at his daddys each fortnight

    it works well for us at the moment. and its only ever a few days til we see him again. to begin with i hated him leaving me. now im just used to it and i have other things to occupy ny time without him. like work and friend time and house work and my new bf.
    i still miss him of course but the time always goes quickly and hes a typical toddler pushing boubdaries lately so sometimes i enjoy a bit of a break. it doesnt mean i love him any less. in fact i enjoy his company so much more and make the most of all the time we get together.

    It gets easier with time so long as u are happy with then being in the care of the other parent and have no concerns thankfully we are good like that :-)

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  7. #5
    brydz is offline blessed with everyone amazing in my life
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pru40 View Post
    Oh this problem is really big, my husband goes through this when he's not with his kids, and it's a real emotional rollercoaster being with him at times.

    Time hasn't improved things much either, he's conscious of everything he's not a part of and everything he's missing out on. I'd love to hear from someone who has the answer.
    It goes both ways. Their mumma would be missing them equally as well. and she would miss out as well. in a perfect world all kids would be raised with two amazing parents in a happy lil family and live happily ever after.
    For many of us this is not a reality. its a fairytale. life is so much more conplicated. but we just try to focus on making the most of the time we DO get. because other people out there have even lost their children forever and THAT my friend is real tragedy.
    Just do the best u can with whst u have and dont be bitter at the situation. keep the kids at the centre of everything.
    Only advice ive got. hope that helps :-)

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    Pru40  (24-03-2012)

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    Thank you for all your advice, I guess it will just take time and in the mean time I need to get busy!

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    I would find it really hard if my DS was with his dad 50% of the time because His father is too selfish & doesn't parent like he should. He's waiting for DS to grow up too quickly & just wants him to hang out with.
    Thankfully for me, his father moved down to Melbourne so he doesn't get to see him at all. And as I predicted, he's do wrapped up in his new life, I've only had 1 text from him, a month after he moved. Very sad for DS but I have to see it if his father going to be like this, well prob good thing DS don't see him as much.

    The advice I can give is to keep busy. Do all the stuff you can't do when you've got you're child with you. Take advantage of your me time. You will get use to it & become routine for you both, soon it won't feel lonely of weird.

  11. #8
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    I don't have answers, dd only occasionally sleeps over at her grandma's house and only since she started school.


 

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