Advice please (re crazy ex-husband.. again.. of course)

[murrythecat]

well still no real response.. oh but he called my solicitor to have a pointless chatter all of which I was charged for.. all up to write back and talk to him on the phone I have another bill of $400 so that pretty much wipes out my savings. oh and I still have nothing of any substance from the ex. He is
'supposed' to be given my solicitor a letter explaining all the points asked for but I doubt we'll get it.. we might get something vague again.. but this is the end for me.. I can't afford to pursue it any further so I guess he wins again.. and I'm down $800. So this is how he lives is life.. he's never answerable to anybody, doesn't stick to the court order, does whatever he likes and gets away with it. To my knowledge he still hasn't spent a penny on legal fees of any kind (has never had a solicitor) so including the divorce he has cost me $1500 or there abouts in legal fees. so unfair.

[murrythecat]

okay not sure anybody is still following this thread but looking for more advice..

ex's pyschologist won't provide him with a letter saying he is safe to see the children (for various weird reasons from ex like 'she is offended we would question her first letter that said nothing about what was really going on' and other stuff).

so we're at a standstill...

he wants to get a gp's letter and use that instead.. would you accept a gp's letter?

or would you be concerned that his pyschologist won't provide a letter to indorse him?

I've offered him supervised access at a near by centre but he refuses so he'd rather just not see or speak to the children and blames me.

advice?

[AppleIsleSMum]

okay not sure anybody is still following this thread but looking for more advice..

ex's pyschologist won't provide him with a letter saying he is safe to see the children (for various weird reasons from ex like 'she is offended we would question her first letter that said nothing about what was really going on' and other stuff).

so we're at a standstill...

he wants to get a gp's letter and use that instead.. would you accept a gp's letter?

or would you be concerned that his pyschologist won't provide a letter to indorse him?

I've offered him supervised access at a near by centre but he refuses so he'd rather just not see or speak to the children and blames me.

advice?

I find it weird that she won't provide another one! I doubt she would refuse if it's something that is preventing him from seeing his children iykwim?

It's just plain stupid he won't do supervised access, if he wanted to see his kids so much nothing should stop him

Hope it gets better for you, stick to what you think is best for your children xx

[murrythecat]

I find it weird that she won't provide another one! I doubt she would refuse if it's something that is preventing him from seeing his children iykwim?

It's just plain stupid he won't do supervised access, if he wanted to see his kids so much nothing should stop him

Hope it gets better for you, stick to what you think is best for your children xx

my family and friends think I should just accep the gp letter from him. I think so to.. I can't afford to pursue it further legally.. I guess I can bringthings up again should he start to act weird re his mental health.I'm still non-the-wiser about if he is safe to have the kids but don't feel there are many options open to me any more as he just wont or cant get the info.

[Lovemyfam]

Can't you use legal aid and not have to be out the money?

[MummysYellowCar]

Not everyone can just use legal aid. You have to be approved and most times they arent interested in family law cases

Legal aid usually only help once in a family law matter with the same Ex.

I'd be wondering why the psychologist doesn't at least want to give a progress update.

I've been going through my own hell in the past week or so; I spoke with a solicitor on the legal aid helpline on Tuesday and one of the comments she made is that the family court looks at child safety from the perspective of " is the other party just a bad parent or are they a serious risk to the child's safety?" My ex has some pretty serious stuff in his corner too but the solicitor said it all fits in the 'bad parent' category. Pursuing things legally could go against you ie if he hasn't endangered the kids recently then the court might just give him what he wants.

[murrythecat]

Legal aid usually only help once in a family law matter with the same Ex.

I'd be wondering why the psychologist doesn't at least want to give a progress update.

I've been going through my own hell in the past week or so; I spoke with a solicitor on the legal aid helpline on Tuesday and one of the comments she made is that the family court looks at child safety from the perspective of " is the other party just a bad parent or are they a serious risk to the child's safety?" My ex has some pretty serious stuff in his corner too but the solicitor said it all fits in the 'bad parent' category. Pursuing things legally could go against you ie if he hasn't endangered the kids recently then the court might just give him what he wants.

Hi girls,

well the latest update is he gave my solicitor a gp letter explaining his medical condition re his kidney but nothing about this mental health condition. so my solicitor has said it counts for nothing and we still need the letter from his pyschologist. I also rang legal aid for advice (btw I've used legal aid already on this case when I organised the consent orders so they won't revisit the same case but apprently if he takes me to court at any point legal aid will help fund my defense) - legal aid confirmed I was doing the right thing and that as my ex has said he tried to kill himself, was being watched for self-harm and was in a mental hospital that these were cause for concern and fair conditions for breaking the consent orders till he provides info about what is going on.

I told this to ex - btw he hasn't spoke nor see any of the children for 2 weeks as he refused visitation and to even phone them. Both solicitors said this will make him look very bad at court. I emailed ex this info and advised him again, so it was clear, of all the different ways he could contact the children (times and days by phone) and supervised visitation (I even organised to meet him at a shopping center, offered my parents etc etc..) all of which he refused. He has emaild back today to say he doesn't want to see the children while all this is going on - so this is all going to look very very bad for him should it ever come to court but as he doesn't even have a solicitor (which would have cleared things up really quickly) and doesn't have legal aid (even though he's been lying about that for a very long time) I doubt itwill get to court. He's kinda washing his hands of the whole thing - which is what I suspected he would do as he's very lazy and is obviously hiding things.

Both solicitors said he can 'authorise' his psychologist to provide the information and I mentioned that to him but by now I'm so sick of dealing with him - he's so cruel to his children (not even phoning them and refusing to see them) that I have no time or energy for him any more and it would probably be a good thing if he left their life as he upsets them so much.

He rang my parents and moaned to them that he really missed the kids, he felt the children were suffereing because they couldn't see them and he told them I was preventing him from seeing them - they're really annoyed with him because he's had so many opportunties to visit them or even phone them but has refused. he promised my oldest son he would watch him at footie tuesday and I was sure he'd be there as he hasn't seen them in 2 weeks but he never showed up. thursday he was supposed to see him at training (it's a public space he knows he can turn up, he doesn't need letters or anything and he knows it) but he rang my parents and told them to appologise to our son as he wasn't going to go because I won't let him. just lies and more lies..it's all really convient for him as this means he doesn't have to see the children and can play the victim - a role he really loves.

[Thunderstorm]

What a nightmare. He sounds awful.
Personally I would not trust him alone with the kids, he sounds very unstable to me.

If he does come to your place to see the kids, Make sure you have someone else with you for safety.

As for the legal stuff, have you looked at 'family law web forum' ? Its a pretty good site you may get some advice there.

Good luck with it all.

[Stiflers Mom]

Hi girls,

well the latest update is he gave my solicitor a gp letter explaining his medical condition re his kidney but nothing about this mental health condition. so my solicitor has said it counts for nothing and we still need the letter from his pyschologist. I also rang legal aid for advice (btw I've used legal aid already on this case when I organised the consent orders so they won't revisit the same case but apprently if he takes me to court at any point legal aid will help fund my defense) - legal aid confirmed I was doing the right thing and that as my ex has said he tried to kill himself, was being watched for self-harm and was in a mental hospital that these were cause for concern and fair conditions for breaking the consent orders till he provides info about what is going on.

I told this to ex - btw he hasn't spoke nor see any of the children for 2 weeks as he refused visitation and to even phone them. Both solicitors said this will make him look very bad at court. I emailed ex this info and advised him again, so it was clear, of all the different ways he could contact the children (times and days by phone) and supervised visitation (I even organised to meet him at a shopping center, offered my parents etc etc..) all of which he refused. He has emaild back today to say he doesn't want to see the children while all this is going on - so this is all going to look very very bad for him should it ever come to court but as he doesn't even have a solicitor (which would have cleared things up really quickly) and doesn't have legal aid (even though he's been lying about that for a very long time) I doubt itwill get to court. He's kinda washing his hands of the whole thing - which is what I suspected he would do as he's very lazy and is obviously hiding things.

Both solicitors said he can 'authorise' his psychologist to provide the information and I mentioned that to him but by now I'm so sick of dealing with him - he's so cruel to his children (not even phoning them and refusing to see them) that I have no time or energy for him any more and it would probably be a good thing if he left their life as he upsets them so much.

He rang my parents and moaned to them that he really missed the kids, he felt the children were suffereing because they couldn't see them and he told them I was preventing him from seeing them - they're really annoyed with him because he's had so many opportunties to visit them or even phone them but has refused. he promised my oldest son he would watch him at footie tuesday and I was sure he'd be there as he hasn't seen them in 2 weeks but he never showed up. thursday he was supposed to see him at training (it's a public space he knows he can turn up, he doesn't need letters or anything and he knows it) but he rang my parents and told them to appologise to our son as he wasn't going to go because I won't let him. just lies and more lies..it's all really convient for him as this means he doesn't have to see the children and can play the victim - a role he really loves.

You sound like you're a lot more confident about your position now, its good to hear. I think you have done everything you can do to facilitate their relationship without putting them in a potentially bad situation, good on you when he's been so immature and difficult. Just leave him to wallow in his pity party, only he can help himself.

[Lovemyfam]

What a nightmare. I hope this all ends soon.