Advice please (re crazy ex-husband.. again.. of course)

[murrythecat]

Thanks for your support girls..

Yes I do feel a lot stronger about things now. Esp. as I know I'm doing the right thing legally.

Since I posted that last message he's emailed my solicitor (and cc'd me) that he tried to kill himself and was in hospital for mental illness etc.. but it's okay as he's not mentally ill gez it's like watching a car crash in slow mo..

I have told my solicitor thanks for the info but I'll take it from here.. they said 'thanks .. oh and that's another $200 for the phone call' ugh! so now i owe them $700. I told them I'd pay it in stages so I can afford it and they said that was okay. I just have to swollow that cost.

He has emailed me about 4 more times in the last few hours.. one saying that everything he said on the phone that night to me (about trying to kill himself) he never said and he would swear on the bible and I can't prove he said that etc etc.. then others saying 'yep that phone call might have been a lie' .. omg I don't know what to think frankly? his lies are so intense.

My solicitor said that if he did try to kill himself and did spend time in a mental hospital (which he also told her) then that is a concern and enough to ask for supervised access till we have some info from his psychologist.

however, if he's lied about the whole thing and perhaps doesn't even have a psychologist at all or hasn't disclosed everythign to them then that is a equal concern and warrents the same action.

so I feel confident I can still keep saying that I need some evidence about what's going on with him.. but if it's all a lie I guess he won't be able to provide that??

In one of his emails he threatend to leave and move further away and I couldn't help thinking 'yes please!!'... I wonder if he will? he's very very unstable but I'm having trouble getting more than lies and rambling to both me and the solicitor. either way I'm going to stick it out and stand by the legal advice I have and hope he gets a solicitor himself so we can get something in writing that either a) he lied about it all or b) he's getting help for what ever mental illness is going on.

either way.. taxing, tiring, expensive and I have a cold today (no wonder!).

[Stiflers Mom]

Thanks for your support girls..

Yes I do feel a lot stronger about things now. Esp. as I know I'm doing the right thing legally.

Since I posted that last message he's emailed my solicitor (and cc'd me) that he tried to kill himself and was in hospital for mental illness etc.. but it's okay as he's not mentally ill gez it's like watching a car crash in slow mo..

I have told my solicitor thanks for the info but I'll take it from here.. they said 'thanks .. oh and that's another $200 for the phone call' ugh! so now i owe them $700. I told them I'd pay it in stages so I can afford it and they said that was okay. I just have to swollow that cost.

He has emailed me about 4 more times in the last few hours.. one saying that everything he said on the phone that night to me (about trying to kill himself) he never said and he would swear on the bible and I can't prove he said that etc etc.. then others saying 'yep that phone call might have been a lie' .. omg I don't know what to think frankly? his lies are so intense.

My solicitor said that if he did try to kill himself and did spend time in a mental hospital (which he also told her) then that is a concern and enough to ask for supervised access till we have some info from his psychologist.

however, if he's lied about the whole thing and perhaps doesn't even have a psychologist at all or hasn't disclosed everythign to them then that is a equal concern and warrents the same action.

so I feel confident I can still keep saying that I need some evidence about what's going on with him.. but if it's all a lie I guess he won't be able to provide that??

In one of his emails he threatend to leave and move further away and I couldn't help thinking 'yes please!!'... I wonder if he will? he's very very unstable but I'm having trouble getting more than lies and rambling to both me and the solicitor. either way I'm going to stick it out and stand by the legal advice I have and hope he gets a solicitor himself so we can get something in writing that either a) he lied about it all or b) he's getting help for what ever mental illness is going on.

either way.. taxing, tiring, expensive and I have a cold today (no wonder!).

It seems strange that he can call your solicitor and keep racking up your bill. It has to be deliberate, there must be something you can do to stop it? Now that you have valid reasons for supervised access, can you ask them to hang up on him as a nuisance caller? Sorry, I'm not sure how it all works...

[murrythecat]

It seems strange that he can call your solicitor and keep racking up your bill. It has to be deliberate, there must be something you can do to stop it? Now that you have valid reasons for supervised access, can you ask them to hang up on him as a nuisance caller? Sorry, I'm not sure how it all works...

oh the charge was for me calling to discuss it with them. I've already told them not to take his calls so hopefully they don't charge me for that any more.

[MummysYellowCar]

So can you apply to change your court orders yet? Legal aid keep telling me you have to wait 2 years from the last ones being made unless it's 'serious'; in my situation I'm just riding the time out because nothing is 'serious' enough on its own for a contravention.

Have you considered self representing and just paying for the 'important' things like getting the solicitor to check over your affadavits / paperwork and witness stuff?

[murrythecat]

So can you apply to change your court orders yet? Legal aid keep telling me you have to wait 2 years from the last ones being made unless it's 'serious'; in my situation I'm just riding the time out because nothing is 'serious' enough on its own for a contravention.

Have you considered self representing and just paying for the 'important' things like getting the solicitor to check over your affadavits / paperwork and witness stuff?

No I don't want to take it to court - firstly I can't afford it so he'd have to do it (legal aid said they would probably pay to defend me but won't pay twice to visit the same court orders). Secondly, I'd rather not be the one to take it to court as he may get MORE not less time with the kids.. depends on the judge. I doubt that would be the case but I wouldn't force it unless I really had to. According to both solicitors I am breaking the court orders but because of the situation I have reasonable grounds. He wouldn't fair very well in court I think because I've offered him supervised visitation constantly and have written and text him many different options and he hasn't even so much as phoned the children. He's now admited he lied at most of what he told me but I'm in a difficult position now because I can't just accept what he said as a lie - so I've asked him to write this all down (that he was lying) or provide evidence either way. I'm not sure what he's going to do - either way it's going to look bad for him but as he's not too bothered about regular contact with the children he hasn't even got a solicitor so far.

No I would never represent myself if it went to court.. I'd stuff it up, it would be too big a risk to take.

I'm hoping my ex will lose interest or it will all become too hard for him.. he's told me he will move away if things get any worse and I'm hoping he does for everybodies sakes.

We've a long way to go before we go back to court.. he'd have to get a solicitor first and he's never paid for one yet so I'd be stunned if he did get one.. then he'd have to explain it all to a solicitor (the lies etc) and I'm sure he'd be advised to sort it out outside of court. Plus we'd have to do some sort of mediation first (he's refused twice and I have a certificate to show that) so have a stack of evidence against him that he's been very difficult to deal with, not seeing the kids and refusing contact.

[bellalika]

What a shamozzle. I just want to give you a cyber hug while you are dealing with all this.

[murrythecat]

okay some news!! progress of sorts.. ex just rang to say his psychologist agrees he shouldn't have unsupervised access to the two little ones.. which is great news in a way as I finally have a professional who agrees with me. she is going to write a letter to me about it all. he's still going to see the oldest one but he's already starting saying that he's not sure he will manage to see him every weekend if he doesn't feel up to it.. so my expectations aren't high.

[AppleIsleSMum]

okay some news!! progress of sorts.. ex just rang to say his psychologist agrees he shouldn't have unsupervised access to the two little ones.. which is great news in a way as I finally have a professional who agrees with me. she is going to write a letter to me about it all. he's still going to see the oldest one but he's already starting saying that he's not sure he will manage to see him every weekend if he doesn't feel up to it.. so my expectations aren't high.

Glad you got a confirmation

[Lovemyfam]

Glad your making some progress