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  1. #11
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    I honestly think it's unfair. OP is obviously young and wants to have a family with more than one child that she can raise together as siblings.... it sounds to me as if her partner was aware of this before they had their first.

    Op has said there's no issues financially, and that she does majority of the parenting... so why on earth would you want the woman you love to not be able to have the family she dreams of simply because you've done it all before? She hasn't! And he knew that when they had their first. I don't think it's fair at all to just decide now that he's done, and it's the Op's bad luck. I would be absolutely devestated if my husband had told me after having one child that that was enough, no more.

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  3. #12
    rainbow road's Avatar
    rainbow road is offline look at the stars, look how they shine for you
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    OP, I'd be more worried about having more kids with someone who doesn't even change the nappies of the kids he already has.

    I think you both have differing ideals. I told my DP outright I wanted at least 2 kids because it was a deal breaker for me.

    Just because you have differing opinions doesn't make his feelings less valid.

    You need to talk about it thoroughly otherwise you're both going to be miserable.

  4. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by CazGotHam View Post
    I honestly think it's unfair. OP is obviously young and wants to have a family with more than one child that she can raise together as siblings.... it sounds to me as if her partner was aware of this before they had their first.

    Op has said there's no issues financially, and that she does majority of the parenting... so why on earth would you want the woman you love to not be able to have the family she dreams of simply because you've done it all before? She hasn't! And he knew that when they had their first. I don't think it's fair at all to just decide now that he's done, and it's the Op's bad luck. I would be absolutely devestated if my husband had told me after having one child that that was enough, no more.
    I agree.... I think he should at least be open to discussing he idea.
    When I met my DH his son from a
    Previous r/s had no impact on how many children I felt I needed or wanted.
    I'd be resentful and upset if my desire for another child was dismissed because of something that occurred even before I'd met my DH.

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  6. #14
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    DaddyLarge is offline I put on my robe and wizard hat...
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    Deciding to have a child with someone is exactly the same as deciding to have sex with someone: it requires two yes votes. If either party says no, then the answer is no. If either is unhappy with that, their choices are to convince the other, find another partner, or live with it.

    And either party has the absolute right to change their mind at any time, for any reason.

    I hope you can find a way forward. But just as you are not being at all unreasonable for wanting more children, he is not being even slightly unreasonable for not wanting them.

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    Cas79  (29-03-2012),happy86  (21-03-2012),Jess1889  (20-03-2012),Maybelline  (21-03-2012),MissMuppet  (21-03-2012)

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    Quote Originally Posted by rainbow road View Post
    OP, I'd be more worried about having more kids with someone who doesn't even change the nappies of the kids he already has.

    I think you both have differing ideals. I told my DP outright I wanted at least 2 kids because it was a deal breaker for me.

    Just because you have differing opinions doesn't make his feelings less valid.

    You need to talk about it thoroughly otherwise you're both going to be miserable.
    I have been good to my DP by changing all the nappies and all that stuff from the very start so i think it's not like he doesn't want to he has just had it good as i just try to make things easier for him as he works full time and i don't. Also i was brought up the same way my mum did everything for us kids and my dad was the one working full time so mum always tried to make thing's easier for dad when he would come home from a hard days work.

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    Quote Originally Posted by 4underfour View Post
    I dont know that we can come on here and say he is being unfair. He has 3 kids and doesn't want another. Did you discuss how many kids you guys would like before you had the first? How old is he? Maybe he feels he is getting too old for more babies?
    Just because you don't agree with him doesn't mean his feelings are invalid. And as far as how his life wouldnt change much, like the PP that would be a reason for me not to want more kids with him. It actually sounds as though he agreed to one kid because you wanted it and now he is done.
    Im sorry i don't mean to sound rude but you have made it sound like who cares about me and my feelings? I don't think you could even understand how it feels for me because you have 5 children! How would you have fealt to just stop at 1?? And i am only 25 by the way.

  10. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maybelline View Post
    wow ..never changed a nappy..I totally wouldn't want more kids with him!!

    Would you really want to have another when you know the man you love doesn't want to?

    Find out why he doesn't want another ..
    He has only never changed a dirty nappy because i take care of all that stuff as my DP works full time and should be able to relax after work i take care of absolutely everything inside the house he just comes home and relaxes and takes care of outside, it's the way i was brought up as a child with mum and dad so i like to look after my DP to . He is a bit quite on the issue so it's not like he has said a defienent no i think he is worried because in the past he had 2 children to his ex then she left him and he has then had to have a broken family and she has made his life hell and still tries to! So maybe this is in the back of his mind and he is worried it could happen to him again, he is not a big talker by the way he doesn't like to discuss all this stuff proabably like most males so it is hard to figure out what he is thinking since he keeps it to himself most of the time.

  11. #18
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    My husband has not changed one single nappy of our 8 month old girl, and it's no biggie to me. He works full time, I only work part time and I do majority of the parenting, and I'm fine with that. We have 2 children and plan on having one more. I don't plan on not fulfilling my desire for a 3rd child just because my husband doesn't change nappies!

  12. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by CazGotHam View Post
    My husband has not changed one single nappy of our 8 month old girl, and it's no biggie to me. He works full time, I only work part time and I do majority of the parenting, and I'm fine with that. We have 2 children and plan on having one more. I don't plan on not fulfilling my desire for a 3rd child just because my husband doesn't change nappies!
    That's exactly right it's not even an issue so that would never make me want to change my mind about having another child with him because he works a long day and i don't work at all so i should be doing all the parenting and letting him relax a bit when he comes home .

  13. #20
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    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    I'm sorry your in this position and I hope your partner freely changes his mind soon

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