I guess I'm happy to be joining this thread. I'm 6 weeks pregnant with our second child. Our daughter died on 2 September after being born on 31 August. She was 10 weeks early and had a severe heart defect, which we found out about at 19 weeks, and when she was born we found out she also didn't have her oesophagus (still can't spell it) joined up. She was also tiny for her gestational age. They could have operated, but with the slimmest chance of success and it would have been operation after operation and months and months in and out of hospital.
I miss her every day.
Since I've found out I'm pregnant - I'm obviously terrified that it will happen again. The Dr's seem to think it was just really bad luck, but who knows if maybe our genes are just crap. I can't go through it again.
But I do feel more tolerant of people at the moment, knowing that maybe soon I'll have a baby finally. I feel less like punching every pregnant woman and wishing they'd experience some of what I am going through. Work has been horrible and hard - people mostly act like nothing has happened. With the exception of 2 people, no one has said a word to me about it.
I want to hold off telling people about this pregnancy for as long as possible. I can't take their **** as well as mine. When we found out about our baby's heart everyone wanted to tell us a story of someone they knew who was fine- bloody everyone. It's only the people who have been there for us for our grief that I want to share in our joy of this baby.
It's been interesting to hear about the gender of the next baby that people have been talking about - we both have a feeling that this is a boy - although I would dearly like a girl - does that make it a replacement? Last time we didn't find out about the gender until she was born - but I think i might like to find out this time.