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    Default Missed Miscarriage - Still waiting to miscarry

    Hi girls. I'm so sad - I went from the TTC forum, and after almost 2 years concieved so moved over to the Pregnancy forum and all too soon I am now on the Pregnancy Loss forum as after 8 short weeks our baby is no more. After finally seeing the 2 lines on the Pt was so excited and things were going well. Got to 6 weeks and saw a strong heartbeat at ultraound. All was going smoothly but had some light spotting about 6 days ago. Saw a dr and cervix was closed but booked for 8 week u/s just to see all was ok. It wasnt. After what felt like an eternity the sonographer said there was no heartbeat. no compassion, just blurted it out in this matter of fact way and told me it had stopped growing and was only the size of a 6.2 week foetus. Does that mean it only lived after its heart started for a couple of days? I just dont know what went wrong and never will. Worst part is, now am waiting around to miscarry and no idea when it will happen. 6 days of spotting and has now turned to bleeding but no sign of cramps or pain yet. Seeing a dr today to see if a D & C is recommended if my body wants to hang onto it, but god, it feels so horrible and my heart goes out to anyone going through thiis, let alone time and time again. Has anyone been through this and do they mind sharing their experiences, i.e. how long did it take to miscarry and how did you physically and emotionally prepare yourself for it? Thank you all, my heart goes out to everyone going through this x

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    BaronessM  (17-03-2012)

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    Hi kylieboo... Posted something to you on the other thread. But I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks, baby stopped growing at 7.5. They think. I'm not sure what they mean about when heartbeats stop etc. but I guess it does when the growth stops. To me I just felt pregnant anyway do I didn't really think about that. I understand your mixed emotions and feeling lost My dr recommended a D&C because she said it would be less traumatic to have it done instead of waiting for my body to miscarry naturally. She suggested that it could take a long time. I took her advice and it was a good decision for me. But everybody is different. Just do whatever you and DH feel comfortable with. Cry, grieve and laugh at a terrible movie or something if you can. My DH and I had a week off together after d&c. We had breakfast out, walks at beach, watched movies and bought some flowers which we left in one of our favourite places. We just had some quality time together and talked and cried. It was very therapeutic for us.
    You just need to take your time and rest up. Be gentle on yourself. Big hugs. So sorry for you guys. It's just so unfair.

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    BaronessM  (17-03-2012)

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    Hi kylieboo, firstly so sorry for your loss.

    Our first bub resulted in a missed m/c about 18mths ago - all was good with strong healthy hb at our dating scan around 6 half wks then all continued smoothly (except the horrid m/s) went for our 12wk scan a few days past 12wks all excited we had passed the 'safe point' (i hate when people call it that) only to be told our bub had stopped growing at around 8 half wks & there was no hb. So, for about 4wks, I had gone about my life, morning sickness & all, thinking all was good with bub, absolutely no clue whatsoever that it wasn't.

    I was booked in for a d&c the next morning as risk of infection would only increase given how long they estimated bub had been gone. Given i went for 4wks with no clue, it could take awhile for your body to do things naturally. Having the procedure allowed us to begin healing straight away without having to wait goodness knows how much longer wondering when the nightmare would end.

    I was written off work for the week but even after that, found it difficult to go back emotionally. I spent the next 6mths thinking 'what if', knew exactly how far along we should have been & avoiding every pregnant person I knew. You and your partner have to be really gentle to yourselves and allow time to grieve however you find helps - I now have a ring engraved with our bubs 'birthday' and a special Christmas ornament for the tree each year to remember. Oh, and don't listen to people who will say 'it happened for a reason' 'at least you know you can get pregnant' blah blah blah. whilst they are trying in their own way to help, it won't help you at all.

    All the best to you and your partner. Its cliche but it does get easier with time xx

    Sent from my HTC Liberty using BubHub

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    BaronessM  (17-03-2012)

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    Quote Originally Posted by kylieboo View Post
    how long did it take to miscarry and how did you physically and emotionally prepare yourself for it? Thank you all, my heart goes out to everyone going through this x
    I'm so sorry to hear about you having to wait it out, but unfort every m/c is different, even for the same person, i.e me for example.
    m/c #1 started spotting at 5 weeks, a week later it turned to bleeding and no cramps, but then a big blob of a sack came out and i knew that was it. still bleed for 2 weeks after but body bounced back asap.

    m/c #2 started spotting exact same at 5 weeks, and yet this time turned into bleeding and they still found a heartbeat and closed cervix by the time 6 weeks came around, but my body continued to bleed (no actual sac came out, just lots of small clots) for an entire month, and it then lead into my period coming on, so it was like i bled for 5 weeks in total (during that time they gave me 6 pills to help things move along better before thinking about resorting to a D & C as they found remnants still there). so then yes got my period, obviously ovulated approx 2 weeks after and conceived again

    ....... which then led to m/c #3 GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. spotting at 5 weeks, and the next day turned to bleeding but barely any clots. just had a scan then at what would have been 6.5 weeks and my body has completely stopped bleeding/spotting and my uterus is completely empty! sonographer thinks that perhaps this pregnancy never even took off in the first place, as she said 1.5 weeks later for it all to be gone completely is pretty rare. originally she was scared about finding an ectopic, but she didnt.

    back to the drawing board and i'm sorry to say that the bleeding may go on for some time, or may subside quickly too. best advice is keep an eye on its smell and any pain (mine didnt smell and never cramped, so they werent worried with m/c #2, even though it was dragging on and on).

    emotionally preparing yourself for the m/c is the toughest as you have no idea how you are going to feel or how you're going to experience it. i know with m/c #2, it dragged on that much, that i actually was living in hope that perhaps i wasnt miscarrying in the first place, and it was just having a bad start to this pregnancy. bad start indeed that ended sadly.

    sorry that i have blabbed on about myself.

    i hope that your experience doesnt have to be a long nor painful one xx

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    BaronessM  (17-03-2012)

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    Kylieboo, I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through.

    I had a miscarriage about a month ago and my story was similar to yours. We too saw a good heartbeat at 6w3days but I had a small amount of spotting for a day at 10w. Went to GP who sent me for as Ultrasound "just to put my mind at ease" but we found out at the ultrasound that baby had no heartbeat and was only measuring 8w4days :-(

    Anyway, that happened on the Wednesday and my spotting turned into brown bleeding that same day. We were offered the choice to wait and see what happened over the next few days or we could book in for a D&C the next day. After a lot of changing my mind I decided to wait and see what happened and if I still hadn't progressed by the Monday I was going to book for a D&C on the Tuesday. I was quite glad that I was able to miscarry at home on the Friday night. I took Neurofen Plus for the pain cos the midwife at EPAC told me it works better than Panadine. I then bled for about a week and a half.

    Again, I'm so sorry and I know how horrible it is to be waiting for it to happen. Please remember to take care of yourself through this really tough time.

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    Quote Originally Posted by kylieboo View Post
    Hi girls. I'm so sad - I went from the TTC forum, and after almost 2 years concieved so moved over to the Pregnancy forum and all too soon I am now on the Pregnancy Loss forum as after 8 short weeks our baby is no more. After finally seeing the 2 lines on the Pt was so excited and things were going well. Got to 6 weeks and saw a strong heartbeat at ultraound. All was going smoothly but had some light spotting about 6 days ago. Saw a dr and cervix was closed but booked for 8 week u/s just to see all was ok. It wasnt. After what felt like an eternity the sonographer said there was no heartbeat. no compassion, just blurted it out in this matter of fact way and told me it had stopped growing and was only the size of a 6.2 week foetus. Does that mean it only lived after its heart started for a couple of days? I just dont know what went wrong and never will. Worst part is, now am waiting around to miscarry and no idea when it will happen. 6 days of spotting and has now turned to bleeding but no sign of cramps or pain yet. Seeing a dr today to see if a D & C is recommended if my body wants to hang onto it, but god, it feels so horrible and my heart goes out to anyone going through thiis, let alone time and time again. Has anyone been through this and do they mind sharing their experiences, i.e. how long did it take to miscarry and how did you physically and emotionally prepare yourself for it? Thank you all, my heart goes out to everyone going through this x
    Hi darling. I am no words to tell u how sorry I am that this has happened to u. I don't wish this on my worst enemy.
    This same exact thing did happen to me as well. It took over 5 days for the baby to make its way down. Once u start bleeding, then the baby will start to come. For me, it was soooo terrifying.
    Becuz I was alone at home and I got horrid pain that I remember I was dragging myself against the kitchen floor to get myself to the bathroom, However, ur won't be painful becuz u were only 8 weeks? and baby had develped until 6 weeks? Well, I delivered an almost five month baby in my own house by myself.
    The worse part was when the baby came down. It has traumatized me for life. To see the face that I can never kiss, and to see the little hand that I will never hold. It was very painful, very! I was bawling. The baby came down and his eyes were open and so was his mouth. i touch his little finger and I kissed him. i did close his eyes and kept him for my husband to see when he got home from work. When he saw him, he started to bawl like a baby.
    Sweetie, life does go on, but u will always have a broken part within ur heart. You just have to learn to deal with it. We had him cremated.
    This does not mean that u cannot have any more babies. This just means that your baby was too good for this world and God chose him as one of his little angels. This does not mean that there was something wrong with u. You will never know why this happened. But there are many many reason why this coulda happened. Maybe chromosomal problems...? Just too many things that it coulda been.
    I know it took u two years to conceive. Pls do not lose hope.
    I am here for u

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    BaronessM  (17-03-2012)

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    Kylieboo

    I was told on Thursday my pregnancy had ended and started to miscarry on Monday. Waiting was TORTURE. Even now I've been bleeding for only 5 days and every time I go to the toilet it's a sad reminder of what's going on. So many emotions, it's hard to even know where to start.

    The incredibly insensitive things some people say is mind blowing. Like michellek said - at least you know you can get pregnant and be grateful for the 3 children you've got and maybe you're not meant to have any more and it's just not meant to be.

    Anyway, my heart goes out to you. I have no words of wisdom to give you because I just don't know myself yet...

    Hang in there xx

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    Hi Kylieboo
    I know exactly how yuo are feeling. I am in the same boat at the moment. I had spotting at 6 weeks. It went after about 4 days, was never too heavy. Our local Dr did a scan and HR was only 87 and he found it difficult to see anything. WE were all hoping it was becuase he didn't do U/S *that* often. I had a scan at an imaging place yesterday to find that HR is 67 and baby is measuring small. IT would be 'easier' in some respects if there wasn't a heartbeat. I still have hope even though I know there is no chance. We had a contingency plan to deal with it. Now I have to wait. I am pretty devastated as is DH. I am trying so hard to remember it is happening to him too. This baby was so wanted. It took us nearly 12 months to conceive the little one. I can't believe how much you can cry. It isn't a pretty cry either. That is why I am awake at 0230. I have dozed a bit but can't sleep. I am hopign to go back to sleep soon.

    Big hugs for you

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    BaronessM  (17-03-2012)

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    Hi girls...thank you all for your heartfelt replies, they really helped me through a tough time. I am so sorry for what you are all going through/have been through. There are no words however as days pass, the pain will hopefully lessen a little and you will find the strength to try again. As for me, I ended up miscarrying on the Friday afternoon, 6 days after the spotting and bleeding started. I tried to prepare myself physically and mentally as much as possible, by having a few days off work (as I wasnt going to be anywhere but the comforts of my own home when such a horrible thing happened) and having some naprogesic on hand and my mum close by for support. The miscarriage itself was painful, with contraction like cramps however they subsided as soon as I saw the baby, sac and placenta pass. Strangely, as soon as that happened I knew the worst of it was over and felt great emotional relief. I spent a little time with my little foetus and then finally, after having a week to get my head around the emotional side of it all, felt ready to take a step forward. It still hurts me that this happened and I wouldnt wish it on anyone and god knows how women get through such an event later on in their pregnancy - however I will not give up. When my body has completely recovered we will try again and this time, will succeed. I pray that all of you do also. Thanks again xxxx
    Last edited by kylieboo; 19-03-2012 at 16:47.

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    Quote Originally Posted by kylieboo View Post
    Hi girls...thank you all for your heartfelt replies, they really helped me through a tough time. I am so sorry for what you are all going through/have been through. There are no words however as days pass, the pain will hopefully lessen a little and you will find the strength to try again. As for me, I ended up miscarrying on the Friday afternoon, 6 days after the spotting and bleeding started. I tried to prepare myself physically and mentally as much as possible, by having a few days off work (as I wasnt going to be anywhere but the comforts of my own home when such a horrible thing happened) and having some naprogesic on hand and my mum close by for support. The miscarriage itself was painful, with contraction like cramps however they subsided as soon as I saw the baby, sac and placenta pass. Strangely, as soon as that happened I knew the worst of it was over and felt great emotional relief. I spent a little time with my little foetus and then finally, after having a week to get my head around the emotional side of it all, felt ready to take a step forward. It still hurts me that this happened and I wouldnt wish it on anyone and god knows how women get through such an event later on in their pregnancy - however I will not give up. When my body has completely recovered we will try again and this time, will succeed. I pray that all of you do also. Thanks again xxxx
    Hi darling, my heart goes out to you. I know that no matter what I say, I cannot mend your hearbreak. However, I have to say it anyways, I am truly sorry for your miscarriage. It is the worst feeling in the world and it does mark an end to such a happy time....being pregnant.
    However, I loved your last sentence , that as soon as ur ready, you will try again, and will succeed. I was so glad to read that.
    It took me one full year to conceive again. And I pray and know that you will too. You will get pregnant again, and you will go on to have beautiful, healthy babies.
    As for now, concentrate on yourself sweetie. I remember that I had lost so much blood that I had become anemic. Make sure that they do a blood count on your red blood cells and if ur low in iron, try and eat things that help you with the production of red blood cells and don't forget to take your iron pills either.
    Please take care of yourself and get as much support as you need.
    Remember that there will be a lot of people in your life that will say stupid things....not on purpose, but they think they are making u feel better but real silly things come outta their mouths, so don't let if affect u. Keep in mind that they are trying to comfort u and they do love u.
    Kisses,
    Parisa

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