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  1. #1
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    Default Irritating things know-it-all friends say about your child vent!

    A close family friend of mine (my mums best friend) is a psychologist and is a very intelligent, knowledgeable woman and is a mother of two children. She sees my 2.5yr old DS about once a month for an hour or so, usually when we happen to all be at my parents house and there are 6 adults all interracting with DS (who obviously is the centre of attention there and is usually kept entertained and happy). She told my mum, who was talking about the issues I'm having with DS *see below*, that she wants to have a "serious talking to"to me about not labelling DS as anything other than a "normal two year old". I found it infuriatingly belittling that she thinks she has the right to treat me like some kind of idiot who doesn't know my own child and where he fits into the spectrum of toddler normality. If she comes over to have her "serious talk" with me I think I might slap her. I feel humiliated that she obviously thinks I'm being ridiculous and over dramatic when I'm not.

    DS is has some behavioural issues where he gets into a kind of hyper-naughty manic state, particularly around other children, and will be extremely rough, pushing, hitting, punching, ramming, throwing things at and making other kids cry for his own entertainment. Because he seems to be on another planet during these times he is unfocused and therefore disciplining him is ineffective - its like talking to a child who doesn't understand english! My closest friend says it looks like is on drugs when he is like this, like an adult looks on speed - eyes glazed over and going 100 miles an hour, being as noisy, fast, rough, naughty as possible. He also has huge tantrums at home, has no self control, lashes out, is deliberately naughty very regularly (tackles or pushes over his baby sister all day every day, hits me every day several times, shouts in DD's face to make her cry, jumps on the lounge, slams doors, wrecks his train set etc). I am a SAHM and also a foster carer and I like to think I didn't come down in the last shower and know a little about what is average and normal, and what is not. I believe, as does my DH and all our friends who also have children and spend time around my DS, that he is on the extreme end of the 'normal' spectrum.

    I am just going to have to say to this well -meaing friend that, with all due respect, she only sees him for a short period of time in an environment where he is almost always well behaved (at my parents house where it is a novelty with no other children and a billion things for him to do with adults doting on his every whim) and doesn't see him at his normal or worst self, so STFU. No, no, can't say the last bit so let me try again! I respect her opion but I'll have to take some video footage and then she will be qualified to tell me what she thinks about him.

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    Eko is offline Acrobatic Dominatrix.
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    It's not as big, but it drives me nuts when my sister (who hasn't had kids or dealt with them that much) regularly says to me "are you going to let him do that" in reference to ds and him being a completely grotty toddler. Ah, yeah. He's a grot. Not going to explain it, it'd take too long. Heh.

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    "You're spoiling her."

    I started hearing this when DD was only a few days old because we picked her up whenever she started crying. FFS she's still a newborn! You can't spoil them at that age! Maybe in their day she'd already be toughened up and working down the coal mines.

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    Totally get your frustration. Seriously though, you need to not give a rats what she thinks. I don't mean to sound condescending or anything as I DO get it, and have a father and other family members I rarely see (yet live 500m up the road) who love to make idiotic comments about how I parent DS and I want to slap their heads in!!

    But I have to tell myself, they really have no idea and I'm fairly sure no-one else judges me based on their comments either.

    So you need to shake it off, as you only see her once a month anyway I think you said...? Also, it sounds like she may have said it in an attempt to allay your worries about you DS (??) as many parents hate to hear if their little darling is having problems... so is it possible she was trying to help make you feel a bit better in her roundabout way?

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    I would be inclined to hear what this woman has to say OP if she is as knowledgeable as you say she is , she might actually have some constructive advice on how to tackle your problem. I have a couple of children who are the same and people tend to offer sympathy but no advice which doesnt help me much

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    Quote Originally Posted by EvilWombatQueen View Post
    "You're spoiling her."

    I started hearing this when DD was only a few days old because we picked her up whenever she started crying. FFS she's still a newborn! You can't spoil them at that age! Maybe in their day she'd already be toughened up and working down the coal mines.
    OMG it rattles my brain that people can think this way!

    Actually, you can never give babies and young children, even grown-up 'children' too many cuddles!

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    'Try patting him to sleep'
    'Have you tried patting him'
    'My daughter pats her kids to sleep'

    My son is walked or rocked to sleep, it in no way bothers me. But it must erk my mother in law. Anyway one day DS was nearly asleep in my arms when MIL was over. She wanted to try patting him to sleep in his cot. (DS is usually held when he sleeps or we sleep togther.) So she takes him and he hardly stirs, she lays him down very gently and his eyes spring open, he then starts thrashing about arms and legs going everywhere, and she is patting him on the belly. So hard not to laugh!

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    this made me think of my sister - she used to try and tell me how I should be disciplining my son, when he was acting out (she was pregnant at the time with her first kid) and she would get so nasty to me - I kept telling her to put her phone, smokes whatever out of reach because he could grab it. and she said he simply shouldn't touch. I told her her's would be exactly the same. No she said her's would listen and wouldn't do naughty things like that. her little boy is now 2. he's the naughtiest kid I've ever met - mainly due to lack of discipline. and my son is now 4 (at an age where he understands what I tell him) and all I can do is laugh when her son throws tonka trucks at her face.

    karma.

  12. #9
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    jbish is offline “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” Dr Seuss
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    No where near as bad as OP but my MIL (and I love her and we get along) always insists on feeding my DD.

    We go there most Sundays and my DD who is 21 months eats very well except for dinner time which we have narrowed down to too much food in the afternoon. My DD is a snacker so she will eat anything she see's and wants everything she sees. We give her afternoon tea at around 3 and that is it until dinner. MIL knows this and yet she still tries to feed her everything she wants between afternoon tea and dinner. It is soooo frustrating. She says "oh DD is hungry, give her something, its only a banana or whatever" but i'm always like NO SHE WON"T EAT HER DINNER.... I just don't know why some ppl think they know better than the parents. I am her mother, I say what she has and doesn't have. End of story. It doesn't matter how many times you ask me the answer will still be no. Sheesh!

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    Im getting so sick of people telling me that boys are easier than girls & that im doomed having my 2 girls. It is hurtful & annoying.

    Also, people telling me I need to try for a boy - "the girls need a brother, your DH needs a son"



 

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