Hi minchi, thanks for the checking in.
The cat team arrived last night and the pysch came out today.
I have been diagnosed bipolar, not surprising, and am now on a sedative/mood stabiliser as well as my anti d.
My friend also made me start the herpes medication last night and is dropping in daily to ensure I am taking them.
I am also being referred to counselling through an sti clinic regarding the circumstances of how I caught it. Everyone is advising me I caught it under rape circumstances and it was in no way my fault and nor do u deserve this but have advised my mental health is unfortunately in no state to do anything at this stage, which I definitely agree with. I just hate that I now have to take this medication daily which will be a constant reminder of what happened, this alone will be the hardest part to move on from. But I'm not going to suffer from this pain anymore, my DD deserves a healthy active mummy.
My friend is also taking me to meet her priest tomorrow to get some financial assistance and see if they can help get me out of this house as the issue with my old housemate is not helping my current anxiety.
I'm trying to think positive and look to the future but I also know its gonna be a long road ahead before I feel me again, well a new me, cause I hopefully won't have these crazy ups and downs anymore.
Its also taught me who my true friends are, and the ones I have supporting me are so understanding right now.
You mentioned that your meds don't seem to be working anymore, please don't discontinue them before you speak with a dr though. Bipolar meds are often stabilisers. Your depression from the situation may well be a seperate issue.
It sounds like you do need help and support though. Can someone move in with you for now?
Moving out doesn't seem like a possibility at the moment, but maybe just look, and put your name down with housing or a womans group. You are the perfect example of someone that needs help.
There are womens crisis help centres everywhere and you are subject to abuse and harassment from the ex-friends boyfriend.
Good luck, and remember that your strength will be your daughters in the future.
and apparently I type too slow- my entire post is all things you know and are putting in place already!
This is going to be a long journey but you're going to get there! You've already taken some of the hardest steps... the first ones.
Thanks Izy, we must of been typing at the same time
I definitely won't be stopping my meds, I'm so over crying. They do think they will be changing them, but they want me stable on my new meds before they start playing around with them.
I really don't want to end up in a hostel, but I think at this stage, I'll go anywhere to ensure DD and I feel safe in our own home.
that's great, I hope everything works out. as long as you're both safe as well. xx
Ahh, bad day today!
Doctors put me on seroquel slow release 100mg, then upped to 200mg after 2 day last week which where working awesome, I spent the weekend out and about, slept brilliantly, felt like me again.
Then yesterday they decided to try me on the standard seroquel 100mg, I took my tablet last night and couldn't sleep, I had a friend staying over to help with DD over night who said I was gripping on to him for dear life in my sleep, but also kept thrashing about, I also kept waking up paranoid something was wrong.
Then this morning I had an appointment with Salvo employment plus as part of my Centrelink agreement. I was meant to be having a one on one appointment to talk about funding my course etc, however when I got there they had me in a group job seekers room. I immediately started panicking. I tried telling the lady numerous times I wasn't able to stay, showing her my medical certificate from the hospital (which she ignored) I was looking at studying, not working just yet but she wouldn't listen. After an hour I was visibly shaking and could hardly breathe. She finally let me go once I was in this stage telling me I had to go speak to a Centrelink social worker.
By the time I got to my car I was in tears and close to throwing up, it was horrible!
I immediately Messaged a friend and drove straight to her house, chain smoking on the way to help calm me down.
When I pulled up in her drive she just grabbed me, shocked that I was in such a state after being surprised at how good I was yesterday. It was horrible.
After a few coffees and many more cigarettes I began to calm down.
I rang the cat team who are unsure what to do, if they put me back on the slow release I will be up for about $80/script. So they want me to try one more day/night on the normal and see if it is just cause I need to bring my level back up as opposed to it being slowly release.
Ahh, it was horrible. I hated it. I am so used to being social and was kicking some serious bum yesterday and today I feel like I'm back at square one
I just want to be me again but release this won't be easy
Also finding a lot of friends have distanced themselves since my break down/od attempt which hurts, but is also teaching me who my true friends are.
If you made it this far, thanks xx I just needed to get it out somewhere.
It's pathetic that the medication you need isn't on the PBS! I hope that things settle with the slow release for you.
Thanks Izy xx
According to the nurse it is only on the PBS for diagnosed schizophrenia, which I'm not, but the doctor told me the other day it was available for both schizophrenia and bipolar so she wanted to confirm that before changing me back.
I have everything crossed that it is covered cause it made such a difference almost instantly. It's horrible being back at square one again
You can check the pbs restriction on the pbs site. Will have a look once ds is in bed
*~Thank goodness for my phone...It is my sanity & excuse for most things~*
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