My life is falling apart.
As some may remember my ex gave me herpes after forcing himself upon me back in november, he then dumped me on my 30th and has abused me and used my herpes against me ever since.
My best friend was also living with me and last month did a runner with another friends ex, she has left all her belongings and is uncontactable and obviously not paying rent anymore. I am now getting death threats of her new man and know of one time they have broken into my house so far.
I'm a wreck.
I'm scared to leave the house, yet I'm scared being home, I'm scared what will happen if I go to the cops, I'm sated what will happen if i don't.
I'm a mess.
I cry daily.
I struggle with just the simple day to say tasks.
Sunday, DDs birthday, after she went to her dads, I tried to take my life, it's not the first time, but the stress has given me an outbreak, I can't bring myself to get the medication I need, I didn't want to go on living this way, I still don't.
Yesterday I fell in the heap and admitted what I'd done to my mum who took me to the doctors this morning.
I am now under suicide watch and am having the cat team come out this afternoon to assess my safety and if I need to be hospitalised.
I don't want to go to hospital, I want to be me again. I want to stay with my bubba girl. She's my only reason for living right now.
I don't want to be hospitalised and risk never getting her back.
I have been diagnosed border line bipolar before and was medicated, but they don't help me anymore, I take them and I'm still this mess.
I hate living with this pain. Knowing it will never go away. Knowing I have this the rest of my life for the one time I thought someone respected me enough that I could say no.
I hate that my best friend has turned on me knowing I'm going through this all because this guy gives her free drugs.
I hate that my other friends are slowly disappearing cause they don't know how to handle me.
I don't want this life, i was doing so good 12 months ago, now I'm an empty shell of who I once was, and I miss that girl.
But if I cave and finally get the help I need, I risk losing the only thing that matters to me, my girl.
Has anyone ever been in this position? I need help, any advice you can give. Please. I don't want to go on like this.