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  1. #731
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    Hi ladies,

    I'm sorry to hijack the thread for a minute, but I could really some good thoughts - and a share in my indignation! It's going to be a long one ...

    To try and shorten things - the last day at my job is tomorrow. 98% because I can't stand working with my boss anymore, 2% because it's a sales job and I don't like sales! When I gave my notice, she said it was sad I was leaving but she was happy because we could now be friends. As a person she's okay, so I was pretty happy about it.

    I mentioned to our receptionist today that boss and I might have dinner one night and she said she had to tell me something. Basically, while I was in and out of the hospital having tests to see if I had an ectopic pregnancy, if it was 'real' pregnancy tissue in my uterus, etc. boss and another colleague were talking about me. My boss said she wasn't surprised I had a miscarriage since my husband and I are so overweight! Also thrown in there was that I should just 'get over it' and get back to work already.

    I was so angry at first, probably more angry than I ever have been before, but now I'm just sad. I can't believe anyone would say something like that, especially about someone she genuinely seems to want to hang out with. She even invited DH and I to the 'end of financial year dinner' even though I won't be working there!

    I'm glad the receptionist told me - I don't want to be around a person like that and I definitely made the right decision in quitting even though I don't have a job to go to.

    I'm sorry this is so long and confusing, I'm just so hurt. And, of course, I had to find out on the 1 month anniversary of my D&C.

  2. #732
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    Thanks cdninOz. I had my Dr today and she has referred me to a prenatal clinic to see if they can fund out why I can't hold a pregnancy past 8wks since my lg was born. We are going to TTC in the meantime but I am petrified of another miscarriage or chemical preg. This may sound stupid but I feel like I'm letting my DP down with these pregnancy issues. He really wants a child. Too much going on in my head at the moment. I just want to curl up and cry but life has to go on. Sorry just needed to vent.

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  3. #733
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    Well no egg catching for us. DP is laid up with inflammation of some joints in his spine, so no activity or exercise until he gets the all clear from the physio *sigh* I don't think at this rate we will ever get our baby.

    Omg angelini what a b.it.ch!

    Mum2isabel - naturo doesn't have me on anything for fertility yet. I all on a couple pills for my stress levels, another for helping with energy & about 5 different pills & powders to help with my digestive system, bloating etc. She wanted to get all that sorted before looking at the fertility.

    Sorry for the pity party post. Hope everyone is going well

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    Last edited by Me&Smooches; 07-06-2012 at 21:14.

  4. #734
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    Thanks Mum 2 Isabel and Tormy.

    Sending you hugs stretched. @@@

    Angelini what a biartch. Some people just don't understand and are lucky enough to never go thru it.

    Sending hugs to everyone else that is having a crappy time at the moment too. @@@@@

    Sent from my HTC Desire HD A9191 using BubHub

  5. #735
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    CD - Thanks for your advice about the FS. Because you mentioned it twice to me and you're not the first to suggest it, I have taken that as a sign and booked in to see the FS I was going to see before I fell pregnant in January. I had an appointment booked and got my BFP 2 weeks before the appointment! She's heavily booked now so I have my appointment on 16th July. I also spoke with my naturopath who is a FS and she told me that my TSH sounds fine and she's had plenty of ladies conceive and hold onto the pregnancy on that same level. DH had all the tests done a few years ago before I came into the picture and all was fine. I guess it wouldn't hurt to get tested again. I'll see what the FS has to say about it all when I see her next month. Thanks again for your advice

    Nic - How was the psychic?? I want to hear what she had to say!

    Mum2Isabel - That's great that your HCG has dropped so much in 8 days! I only had a reading of 6500 and it took two weeks to drop to 6! Fingers crossed you get the results you want for the genetic testing. When I got mine back I was told that all was clear and it was just unfortunately one of those things. I think I would have felt better knowing there had been something wrong rather than we were just one of the unlucky ones that miscarried for no apparent reason.

    Angelini - Just to throw a curve ball but at you .. can you fully trust the receptionist? As I was reading what you wrote my gut instinct went with the receptionist could possbily be fabricating that story .. ? I could be totally wrong but I'm getting this icky vibe from the receptionist and I'm usually pretty good at picking up on these things. I also know that I myself, if I was the receptionist and I had information like that, I would certainly have been a lot more tactful in how I delivered that information to you. I wouldn't come right out and say it like she did. I don't think any of us here would .. or am I wrong? I would have probably just warned you that she's being say some nasty stuff and that I don't know all the details but just to keep an ear out and your guard up. Just a thought .. . I'm sure it would have been awful hearing that none the less.

    Mumofprincess - and more

    Tormy - Good luck with the blood test!

    Lama - Nawww that sux about poor DP!! It's ridiculous the things that happen to create more road blocks for us. I can feel your frustration and hush about the whole it will never happen for you! It absolutely will!! Sure, not in the timing you would like but it will happen. I am sure for every single one of us in here, the day will come and we will get our long awaited bubba!

    Stretched - .. hope you're ok <3

    AFM, nothing new to report other than making the appointment with the FS. DH and I are going away tomorrow until Monday to Jervis Bay. We've got a beautiful eco lodge booked in the national park but we're only 5 minutes from the beach. I can't wait! We so need the relax down time and I don't want to even think about TTC. Although, I'm CD10 today supposedly (if you count the spotting last week as AF) and ovulation should happen over the long weekend as I always ovulate CD12-CD13. What's the bet this month something weird happens and I ovulate much later or something as equally as ridiculous?!?!?! Anyways, woe is me! I just want to go and have fun with DH and hopefully act silly and not treat baby dancing as, well, baby dancing!
    Last edited by FirstTimeMummy2012; 08-06-2012 at 08:46.

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to FirstTimeMummy2012 For This Useful Post:

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  7. #736
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    wow so much has happened since I last posted.

    Stretched I am truly so sorry for your loss, I hope you are looking after yourself and I understand you wanting to try straight away.

    FTM your GP sounds great, he sounds like he really cares and has your best interest at heart. Your thyroid levels are really good too i wouldn't worry about them being under 2 once mine are under i am giving ttc a go again.

    Angelini you boss is a ***** are you confident enough to say something to her because I propbably wouldn't be able to hold back if it were me . Some people just really have no compassion whatsoever shame on her.

    Mumof Princess Welsome and I am so sorry about your losses. i know what you mean about feeling like your letting your partner down I feel the same, my DH wants a big family and my health issues are whats stopping us. I am often consumed with guilt for DH and DD because when we die I don't want her to have no family left. I have a big family and I want that for DD so much but it seems it is further and further away from our reach. I hope you get some anawers soon.


    Tormy Good luck and I hope o is just around the corner for you.


    Hope everyone else is well.


    AFM well we sold our house last night so that's one weight off my shoulders but... now I feel a bit sad because the room that i have set up for my baby will be dismantled and I don't know whether we will re assemble it until we have another baby. I walk in that room and it is a constant reminder of what i don't have but it's also where all my baby's lil things are so i feel like if I leave my baby's spirit won't come with me. I know alot of people don't believe in that sort of thing but i do and I am scared that my baby will be left behind. I know I can take all the things with me but I feel that my baby is somewhat connected to that room. Your all going to think I am a looney now but I can't shake this feeling and I am in tears and can't tell DH because he really will think i am a looney. At the risk of sounding strange does anyone know if I can't take my babies spirit with me and how I would do that.

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    mumofprincess  (09-06-2012)

  9. #737
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    Quote Originally Posted by LilMuffin View Post
    AFM well we sold our house last night so that's one weight off my shoulders but... now I feel a bit sad because the room that i have set up for my baby will be dismantled and I don't know whether we will re assemble it until we have another baby. I walk in that room and it is a constant reminder of what i don't have but it's also where all my baby's lil things are so i feel like if I leave my baby's spirit won't come with me. I know alot of people don't believe in that sort of thing but i do and I am scared that my baby will be left behind. I know I can take all the things with me but I feel that my baby is somewhat connected to that room. Your all going to think I am a looney now but I can't shake this feeling and I am in tears and can't tell DH because he really will think i am a looney. At the risk of sounding strange does anyone know if I can't take my babies spirit with me and how I would do that.
    From someone who connects with the dearly departed day in and day out, let me be the first to tell you that there is NO WAY you can leave your baby behind in a house. Your baby is with you all the time. You carry your baby in your heart. The spirit of your baby goes where you go. You could be in a jungle in zimbabwe or on the top of the Eifel Tower and I can guarantee that the spirit of your baby will be with you. You can never leave a spirit behind. So long as it wants to be with you, then it will travel where ever you may go. Your baby will always choose to be with you so in effect, you can never leave him/her behind. You just need to call their name and they are right there with you.

  10. #738
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    FTM Thankyou so much I am bawling my eyes out but that is so reassuring, I just feel so sad and I can't seem to let go of these feelings. When we were on our holiday last year just after the m/c I was really happy and enjoyed myself but when we reached melb again I was a mess that's why i feel like my baby was left here and wasn't with me when we went to qld. I still cry alot and I just can't move on and I don't understand why, i thought once my due date passed I would feel better but i still struggle so much with all of this. I keep that door closed because i hate looking in there to see an empty cot and all the clothes and teddies, I think it's best that room is the first to be packed up. I also don't know wether i can use those items for my next baby because I feel that they were only for the baby i no longer have but i don't want to sell them because I can't let go. Sorry about the woe is me post i just feel crappy today.

  11. #739
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    Don't worry about the woe is me post .. I do them ALL the time

    There is no right or wrong when it comes to the loss of a child. There are days I feel I am over the worst of it, and then I have a day where I sob until I feel I have no more tears left. That's just the way grief is. Just after my miscarriage I was doing ok too. In fact I was thinking wowsers I'm coping really well here! It was just too soon though because when it hit, it hit me like a tonne of bricks and I suspect that this could be what happened to you when you returned home.

    I know it's hard but in order to move on, you must pack up that room. I know the thought of it probably breaks your heart, but you have to do it to move on from the physical aspect of it. It doesn't mean you're moving on from your baby or leaving him/her behind. It just means that you're ready for the next stage of your life. Do this when you are ready. Of course there's no rush. When it feels right, you'll know.

    I still have everything from our bubba but luckily it is boxed away as we never unpacked it when we bought the items. The only thing I had out was the pram which was in the spare room that would have been our bubba's room. It has been over 3 months since my D&C and only two days ago was I able to fold up the pram and store it away. It was so hard and I cried afterwards but it had to be done. It doesn't mean I'm letting go of my angel Noah. It just means that while the pram is there as a constant reminder of what I don't have, I don't feel I can move on. It doesn't mean by putting the pram away that I am putting away the hopes of having a baby. It just means that when we do have our baby, we'll have to pull the pram out of storage.

    I know, I'm rambling but I hope you understand what I am trying to get at. Put the items away and when your next baby comes along you can decide if you'd like to use the same items, sell them or just keep them stored.

    Believe me, I know it's hard, but eventually you have to let go. Not of the spirit of your baby, but of the pain of what was missed. MAssive hugs to you Lilmuffin ... I wish there was more I could for you

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    FTM - It was good, I feel a weight lifted off my shoulders. Mum came through, is happy with where I am and that my confidence has grown. As for the mc, it just wasn't the right time, and as long as I blame myself I won't get pregnant again. But there are definitely bubbas for me, at least one of each, no more than 3, which makes me feel better. I am an only child, and I have always wanted to have more than one. Apparently someone from DF's side was trying to come through too but mum told them to bugger off, it was her time lol, (that is so mum). Oh yeah, I was a nun in a past life, but I left the order because I couldn't conform lol, also another one was an american indian midwife

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