+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 4 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 31
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    4,119
    Thanks
    1,744
    Thanked
    914
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts

    Default Pregnancy guilt

    Hi all

    I hope I'm posting in the right area.

    Just wondering if anyone has or is feeing guilty about being pregnant when someone around you is struggling to have a baby?

    I found it so hard to be pregnant around my sister and our family because she is going through IVF. This year my husband and I have decided we want to try again for bub number 2 and the thought is bittersweet because my sister still doesn't have a bub. I dread telling her because last time she got so upset and cried. When your pregnant you feel like you just want to tell the world but I just feel so guilty and can't enjoy it. Even though I know I'm not doing anything wrong and just want to continue my little family.

    I guess I just need reassurance. I love my sister and I want the best for her she's my best friend but it's so tough on this side too.

    Just hoping I'm not alone?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Central Queensland
    Posts
    1,713
    Thanks
    147
    Thanked
    423
    Reviews
    7
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I've not actually had anyone THAT close struggle, but I have had 2 friends who couldn't fall pregnant, and I just fell so easily and quickly, I did have guilt. Lots. I had guilt for strangers who had trouble too. An ad in the local paper calling for an egg donor made me cry.

    It's completely normal to feel that way, I think, the same as it's normal for your sister to feel upset.

    Maybe a hubber may have a hint on how to tell her extra sensitively? I can't imagine you being insensitive though, being that you started this thread.

    I personally think being honest with her would help. I'm a huge believer in putting all your cards on the table. But I don't know, because I've not been in either of your situations, and i dont have a sister, so I cant even begin to imagine that bond, so I really don't know how it would feel, or what that would mean for you both.

    I hope she falls pregnant soon. Xxx

    All the best with #2!
    Last edited by Daydream Believer; 12-03-2012 at 23:01.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Victoria
    Posts
    2,610
    Thanks
    1,023
    Thanked
    511
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I did this last pregnancy a good friend has been trying for years so I felt bad talking to her about it but she was fine with it

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Perth
    Posts
    7,098
    Thanks
    4,951
    Thanked
    1,394
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I've been on the other side of the coin. Everybody around me fell pregnant with a sneeze from their husbands and I was struggling with IVF. It's a bit different because it's your sister so you would see her cry as you are close. I wouldn't let anybody see me cry.
    All I wanted to say is I have been where your sis is and I say just be really open and honest with her. Tell your feelings and tell her your trying. I found it even harder finding out people or family were to scared to tell me all about their baby plans etc.

    Good luck. I am sure your sis will be preggers soon hopefully you ll both be pregnant at the same time

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to LoCo For This Useful Post:

    Liddybugs  (14-03-2012)

  6. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    1,920
    Thanks
    1,148
    Thanked
    953
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Awards:
    Funniest Caption
    She probably will cry but she will also be so thrilled to be an aunt again at the same time. My guess that part of the reason for her being so upset is that she will also be upset and angry with herself for feeling the way she does.
    I suggest telling her sooner rather then later. Make her feel part of the "secret" feel included and special . It may help a little.

  7. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    7,053
    Thanks
    6,263
    Thanked
    5,481
    Reviews
    4
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a weekBusiest Member of the Week - Most posts for the week ending 5/6/2014
    I also suggest telling your sister over the phone... someone very close to me had been trying for 4 years and in that time I had 2 kids (even though DS2 took us a year to conceive) and I decided to tell her over the phone so that she didnt have to pretend to not be sad. She said she was grateful as it gave her the room she needed to deal with her emotions privately.

    Sent from my GT-I9100T using BubHub

  8. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    127
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    23
    Reviews
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by peanutmonkey View Post
    I also suggest telling your sister over the phone... someone very close to me had been trying for 4 years and in that time I had 2 kids (even though DS2 took us a year to conceive) and I decided to tell her over the phone so that she didnt have to pretend to not be sad. She said she was grateful as it gave her the room she needed to deal with her emotions privately.

    Sent from my GT-I9100T using BubHub
    I think that sounds like a good idea too. I don't have anyone close to me who has really struggled, but a friend who started trying before us has had to make an appointment with a fertility specialist as she can see her cycles are messed up. She has been so lovely to me which I've really appreciated as I'm sure there are some mixed feelings for her. It just isn't fair.

  9. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    4,119
    Thanks
    1,744
    Thanked
    914
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    When we where trying last time I told her that we where trying, as I didn't just want to go surprise I'm pregnant. I told her over the phone as I thought that would be easiest for her. She didn't cry over the phone to me, but later I was told that once she hung up she burst into tears. I thought this was the best way to go about it, some warning so there was less shock when I announced our news and over the phone so she had time to absorb the information by herself. I might go about it the same this time, if that's what people recommend. Thanks ladies

  10. #9
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    4,119
    Thanks
    1,744
    Thanked
    914
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by bpac View Post
    She probably will cry but she will also be so thrilled to be an aunt again at the same time. My guess that part of the reason for her being so upset is that she will also be upset and angry with herself for feeling the way she does.
    I suggest telling her sooner rather then later. Make her feel part of the "secret" feel included and special . It may help a little.
    Oh she is the best aunty she adores DS and is always happy to help look after him.

  11. #10
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Ballarat
    Posts
    996
    Thanks
    471
    Thanked
    191
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I'm in the same position, DP and I have just started trying for our #2 and BIL and his wife have been actively trying for over 6 months without any luck. I'm actually terrified that I'll fall before them!
    But the other side of it is you can't put your life on hold - its just a hard situation for everyone.
    I think just being open and honest is the best thing in this situation


 

Similar Threads

  1. Guilt
    By starla in forum Breastfeeding Support
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 03-09-2012, 12:06
  2. PND guilt
    By Hedda in forum Postnatal depression
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 07-06-2012, 01:12
  3. The Guilt :(
    By bubbasmum in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 07-02-2012, 14:00

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Nice Pak Products
Australian Made and Owned. The Baby U Goat Milk Skincare range is enriched with soothing goats milk sourced from country, Victoria. Goat's milk has a pH level close to that of our own skin and contains natural sources of amino acids and vitamins.
sales & new stuffsee all
Pea Pods
Buy 2 Award Winning Pea Pods Reusable One Size Nappies for only $38 (in your choice of colours) and receive a FREE roll of Bamboo Liners. Don't miss out, we don't usually have discounts on the nappies, so grab this special offer!
Special Offer! Save $12
featured supporter
The Health Hub & Glowing Expectations
Glowing Expectations is conveniently located at The Health Hub in Darlinghurst. We offer pre & post natal personal training, small group pregnancy exercise classes, flexible mums & bubs sessions, massage, & naturopathy in our air-conditioned studio.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!