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  1. #1
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    Default Help to stop spoiling our child!!

    Hi, I am in desperate need of help to stop spoiling my daughter both myself and my husband are guilty of it and don't know how to stop! She is our first child and we easily spend $200 a week buying her things from cubby houses to DVD players and DVDs and you name it! I think the reason why we do it is because we both want her to have everything we didn't.
    My mum was a single parent and even though she tried her best I didn't get things that I wanted growing up and I totally understand how difficult it must of been raising 2 girls by herself! But I still feel the need to give my daughter everything. And i will be at the shops saying to myself she doesn't really need it but we still end up buying whatever it is! It has now got to the point where I am noticing it is effecting our finances but there seems to be something she needs and has to have every week!!!!
    As for my husband his parents split and his dad remarried and him and his older brother both went with his dad and because his step mother had a daughter they got left out so didn't get anything, eventually being pushed out of their dads life by their dads new family! So we are as bad as each other with our reasons and don't know how to help each other either!!!!!

    Sorry for the long story but would really appreciate any help and advice!
    p.s I have resorted to not going to the shops all week but end up having a reason to go on the weekend

  2. #2
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    what about if you put a weekly budget on what you can both spend on her. (excluding necessities for living of course)
    and if what you 'want' to buy her doesnt fall into that price range you go without, leave it till her bday or xmas or save the budget up over a few weeks so you can get the item.

    $200 a week is a lotta money to spend on 'stuff'

    im guessing she prob has a whole heap of stuff by now.

    maybe sell some of what she has if it doesnt get used and put the money from that aside for xmas or bday stuff.

    for dvd's and books look into joinging your local library and borrowing them, that way she gets new ones each week

  3. #3
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    Well, clearly you can see what you are doing is not productive, so great step in the right direction!

    I was a little the same with my first (he has a wonderful wardrobe the second one is benefitting from) but in the end I had to realise if I bought him everything now, what was going to be left AND what were we teaching him?

    I would suggest everytime you feel the need to buy her something (that she doesnt need), hold it for a while, take a deep breath, put it down and then go home and bank that exact amount of money into a high interest account.
    I think once you see how much the little (and big) purchases add up it will help and maybe you can save towards something for her in the short, medium and long term such as an activtiy you can do each week, a nice bed suite when she is old enough to go into her bed, her first car etc.

    I found it more exciting to buy him stuff for his birthday/Christmas/when he needed it then mindless buying. In the end, I realised it was more about me filling the day sometimes and feeling like I had been productive then he needing it. I started doing more activities like going to the pool for the morning or a baby gym class and having a great time!

  4. #4
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    How old is she?

    You are just creating a rod for your own back, stop now.

  5. #5
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    Why don't you the money in a separate online account and save it for her future? She will appreciate the lump sum to buy a car or a house deposit one day more than bits and pieces, given her age.

    You could still set aside $10 a week or something to buy the odd thing.

    You need to be careful that as she gets older she doesn't take the gifts for granted. I have a 3.5yo, and I think we were giving him too many treats (like things under $5, but kids don't care about the cost) and he started demanding presents when we got home from work. It's really obnoxious when he does it, and definitely something a parent wouldn't want.

  6. #6
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    There was an interesting thread here a couple of days ago i think it was along the lines of 'does stuff make children better people...'
    I think you would find lots of helpful
    ideas there

  7. #7
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    Maybe your letting your childhood issues affect your daughter ? there is nothing wrong with buying your child things & spoiling them on occassion but 200 a week sounds pretty excessive, especially if it's affecting your finances. Children will remember how they felt as a child, how loved they were, what experiences they had like family holidays, mum & dad taking them to the beach, cooking with them etc, not how many material things were bought for them. I understand you might be feeling guilty if she wants something & you say no, but what lessons are you teaching her by giving into her every time ? I believe it's all about balance.

    I hope i've made sense & haven't offended in any way, i'm no expert but just giving you my opinion. My advice would be to start by cutting down on the amount your buying her & don't feel guilty about it, it's our job as parents to teach them the right things, for eg you don't get everything handed to you on a silver platter & people have to work hard to buy the nice things they want. You sound like wonderful & loving parents & i wish you the best of luck

  8. #8
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    I like the idea of banking the money for her future! She is only 15 months so I am aware I have a long way to go! And know what we are doing is wrong!!
    For some unknown reason I tell myself to stop but walk out with it anyway, the last thing I want is a spoilt child that doesn't appreciate things arghhh!

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    Thanks babyla I'll have a look for it!

  10. #10
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    Totally normal. My dh and I come from similar backgrounds to u n your dh. We went overboard with our 1st child too but it eased up when he turned 2 and when our next bub came along. Dh jokes that that I've just run out of things to buy cause they already have everything. but really as they got older my urge to overcompensate for my underprivileged childhood Just started waning.

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to RipperRita For This Useful Post:

    Seraph8  (12-03-2012)


 

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