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  1. #11
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    firstly, big hugs to you

    i know i feel extremely betrayed by my body sometimes.
    while its doing the right thing and making my uterus wonderfully nutritious and warm for baby, it failed to notice that baby had stopped growing 3 weeks ago. found out no hb 1st march/8 week scan & dr finally wants to do d&c tomorrow. i dont know how to feel. i wanted my body to do it naturally, and not have the worry of surgery complications - short or long term- but having it drag out as long as it did,waiting everyday to see if im going to have the mother of all periods and finally lose my little peanut, while trying to soldier on and do the daily grind, was agonising. in one way im glad im off to hosp tomorrow morining, other side im really dissapointed my body failed me again. being my first pregnancy ever (&IVF) im ****ed off its happening, but: at least we got this far. and if bubs had survived my body is doing everything else right.

    ive been waiting 12 days, and everyday af doesnt come, and this miscarriage doesnt happen by itself, is another day waiting and hurting, and i agree, its torture. need the closure to be able to move on and start again.

    sorry for butting in your thread but i needed to vent and i feel what you were going through.

  2. #12
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    Amysan, please don't apologize for 'butting in', you haven't at all.

    The waiting is horrible, so I'm glad for you you're wait is over. I don't know what to say next because I'm not sure how I feel now that our little one is gone. The day it started was so emotional and I cried a lot. It was painful all over and I didn't know how I would stop being so sad and move on. But now, only 2 days later, I'm not crying, I don't feel like I'm feeling anything. Just numb. My blood tests confirmed I had no pregnancy hormones left at all so I was told to start clmoid again for the next cycle. I have, but it feels very over and done with so quickly. I want to start trying again, we've been waiting so long, but it almost seems disrespectful...

    I'm trying to find a butterfly release that we can do together and maybe that will help. This is the strangest feeling I have ever experienced (oh dear, here come the tears again)

    Anyway, I'll be thiinking of you today. Please come back for a chat when you're feeling up for it.

    Thank you to everyone for their kind words on this thread, mens a lot xx


  3. The Following User Says Thank You to muminshock For This Useful Post:

    Amysan  (14-03-2012)

  4. #13
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    Hi muminshock
    Sorry just doesn't cut it so instead ...

    I lost my little angel just shy of 12 weeks but he had died at 6 weeks + 1 and my body had absolutely no idea!

    Your last post about your feelings rings so real for me. On the day we found out it was super emotional and I seriously thought I would never stop crying. The next day I went in for my d & c as I had no symptoms of a miscarriage and to be honest I just wanted it to be over. The next day I felt fine and the next day as well. I felt bad because I didn't feel as sad as I thought I should but now I realise I was simply in shock maybe .. ? It's been 2 weeks today since we found out our little Noah had died and the feelings just seem to intensify. Late last week I was fine and then completely out of the blue I started thinking about what my little baby would have been like. Would he be funny or just too cute for words? Would he love me as much as I already loved him? It all hit me at that moment and I haven't been the same since. I miss him terribly but I am so desperate to get pregnant again. I feel like that is the only thing that will help me pass the grief. Please don't misunderstand, it's not to replce my Noah, it's simply just the fact that I feel I need to be pregnant and carry a healthy baby so I don't feel like such a failure. Wow .. just had a realisation about the failure thing and now I'm at work crying ... darn it

    I'm sorry .. I just hijacked your thread. I guess I wanted to say that I, like you, feel almost disrespectful for trying again but I need to fall pregnant. My arms ache to carry my own bubba

    I think you're butterfly release sounds beautiful. Such a lovely idea and I hope you get to do it. It might give you what you're needing at the moment .. whatever that may be. I think about him everyday and I seriously wonder if I'll ever feel normal again ...

    Amysan again, sorry doesn't cut it so please accept many virtual

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to FirstTimeMummy2012 For This Useful Post:

    Amysan  (14-03-2012)

  6. #14
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    I'm so sorry hun. I feel for you so much as I am sitting at home waiting for the exact same thing, cant believe only a few days ago was feeling good and looking forward to 8 week scan after seeing a healthy heartbeat at week 6 and then started spotting and find out that babys heart is beating no more. I am at home now waiting for the inevitable but so far, only a little more bleeding but no cramps as yet. Boobs have shrunk to normal size and not feeling as pregant now however the PT is still so positive, which is painful to see. I feel almost guilty like I should be at work but I hate the thought of being anywhere other than the comforts of home when such a horrible thing happens. I am seeing a dr today to see if a D&C is recommended in case my body wants to hold on too. I know nature will take its course, but its cruel isnt it. But part of me wants to just get through it so I can heal. Just remember you are not alone, please feel free to message me if you need someone to hold your (cyber) hand, as hopefully by sharing our pain it might lessen it, even if just a little. Big hugs xxxx

  7. #15
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    hugs for you kylie.

    went and priced a tattoo of a peanut angel for my foot today. going back wednesday to see the design drawn up


 

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