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  1. #1
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    Default Help please : 3 year old tantrums

    I know my 3 year old is reacting to my bad moods lately but her tantrums are out of control - if one thing doesn't go her way she could have a tantrum for an hour !! She had so much rage and I feel so ashamed because sometimes she pushes me so much I snap and yell at her - obviously making it worse- I've been trying positive thinking but it doesn't work when she is so constantly a handful - I also have a four year old who also pushes her buttons. Love them to death but just want to know if it's just me who really struggles with these phases!!!!!!

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    Subscribing and hugs I have a feeling I will be facing this soon. I have a very very strong willed and stubborn 2 yr old. Hope you get some advice !!

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    Hi! Im currently having the same issue with my 2-nearly 3 year old. He chucks tantrums pretty quickly If he doesn't get his way & they last for ages & he gets to the point where there's no reasoning or listening to me. So when we are at home I take him to his room for him for some calm down time (just a few minutes) so he can talk & listen to what mum is trying to tell him, or explain to him why he can't have something for example. When we are out it's harder to calm him down from chucking a wobbly, infact they're usually worse when we are out because I can't just drop everything I'm doing to give him calm down time if we are at a shopping centre. If anyone has any suggestions on how I can deal with him when we are out I'd also appreciate it!

  4. #4
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    Ulysses is offline In the eyes of a child you will see...the world as it should be.
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    Hi,

    I have the same issues with my 2 yr old.

    Luckily for me I am uni studying psychology & this semester is Developmental Psych. It has been a blessing…I am able to see that even though they push you to the edge they will eventually model your behaviour, so if you can try (even though it is one of the hardest things on the planet) to be calm & collected throughout their tantrums then they will learn from you & model your behaviour.
    There are also 2 different types of tantrums., one is a distress tantrum where they literally are out of control & they really need your help when they are going through these…it will pay off if you support them & help them through these ones (according to the experts anyway). Then there are those ones where they are just testing your patience & appaparantly the best thing to do is to use distraction.

    As easy as it is when things get really heated i wouldn't recommend corporal punishment, I am currently writing an expert testimony on its use (a hypothetical) & all the research shows it is not an effective means of dsicipline except for one thing, it often stops a behaviour immediately however the bhaviour often returns once the parent is gone.

    You are not alone, i really think they should offer all parents help & advice on this age as it is the most hard to deal with in my opinion & those forst 2 years are critical for developing their own self of sense so how we react is really important.

    You sound like a really good & caring parent…I always hope I am doing the right thing with my daughter but I think the fact that we are even thinking about it so much means we must be doing something right because we obviously care about it alot.

    Keep the faith, your good work will pay off (well fingers crossed anyway)

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    Thanks to all - 100% she models my behavior as I do tend to have less patience than hubby. I will try the pull in close method (talk her through) the big ones and distraction. She used to have childcare as a break but now we are together. 24/7 and it's testing us both I guess! I love her and def don't want her to grow up angry. I'll take that on and see how she goes.

    Ps daughter 1 was nothing to this extent so they are all very different aren't they!

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    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
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    hi KatieKitten, Have you made any changes to diet? Each child is different and every food can affect a child if they are intolerent. I know you also have to know how to manage the bad days, but, doing a simple thing like cutting out sugar, for e.g., might make your life peaceful. good luck, Marie

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    I have a 4 year old who is very similar. Most days if goes like this:

    - she asks for something she can't have/do (eg can she wear her beautiful new dress bush walking)
    - I explain calmly why she can't have/do it giving nice simple reasons and offering alternative solutions
    - she screams at me at the top of her lungs, flings herself about, cries, refuses to listen etc
    - I can deal with the first couple of the day but generally my patience wanes and I also end up yelling.

    I agree with PP about the big tantrums, they need support. However, when it's a ridiculous attention seeking one (like above) it's hard to be kind. I have decide to change tactics lately and ignore it as much as possible. I think a lot of it is attention related and I think I pander to it too much. A few have just fizzled out because I haven't bought into it.

    Do you think that might be happening with your DD? Could you maybe try just busying yourself elsewhere and hoping she gives up?

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    I have just started a 'tantrum jar' for my 4yo DD. When ever she has a tantrum I pick her up and take her to collect a 'tantrum token' which she has to place in the jar.

    This works as a bit of a distraction and I get her to count how many tokens are in the jar now..

    Each day that goes by without a tantrum she is rewarded by being able to take one token out of the jar. When the jar is empty I take her shopping for a treat..

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    I have one thing to say...WALK AWAY!!!

    A friend of mine once told me 'if your in the shops and your child throws a tanty, please have the courage to walk out and sit on a chair away from them'
    (obviously where you can see them)

    I NEVER talk to my 3 yo if shes having a tanty (she rarely does). I walk away and when shes calmed down she comes to talk to me. A 'when your ready to talk to me come and find me' works a treat!! That way SHE is making the decision to calm down and use her words!

    Ok that was more than ONE thing

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    Quote Originally Posted by jennibear View Post
    I have one thing to say...WALK AWAY!!!

    A friend of mine once told me 'if your in the shops and your child throws a tanty, please have the courage to walk out and sit on a chair away from them'
    (obviously where you can see them)
    :
    This exactly there is no reasoning with a child who is throwing a tantrum whatever the reason may be. My 5 yr old DS throws tantrums ALOT(ADHD & ODD) even in shops I just keep walking he follows along still throwing the tantrum but my 16 month old DD has recently started whopper tantys head butting pinching scratching kicking throws herself to the ground screaming blue murder tantrums n for her the best thing is distraction but I think I have alot more patience for her 1 or 2 min tantys then I did her older brothers 2 hour long tantrums at same age


 

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