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  1. #71
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    Quote Originally Posted by misho View Post
    Ok.. If she's moving for safety coz her ex is threatening them, then 2 things...

    1) if she was involved with this guy then did she ever mention that shed like to go to this country? What are the chances that he'll track her down?

    2) if this guy is as bad as he sounds, wouldnt he be stalking her other child as well once he figures out that she left that kid behind? Would he do something to that child just as payback? Or even just stalk that child to see if she ever contacts the child so that he can figure out where she is?
    This info im not 100% sure on.
    Theres was no relationship at all thou.

    His a nasty piece of work.
    From the emails iv read which he sends frim different address for each email are horrible and i dont remember anything being mentioned about her other child.

    She said shes taken it to the police but due to diff address and he never puts info about himself theres nothing they can do .

    Just had a talk with her this arvo and shes definetely leaning more to staying and jist moving again here,

    I suggested she change their names, that way all new info will have different names and may delay him finding her,

    Not sure how he finds her, but she said apparently he knows many people, has alot of contacts, im not really sure.

    May not post much more on this as i have my own family decisions that need to be made right now,

    Iv begged her to sign up here as i dont have much advice and theres nothing i can do to help really.

    Iv given her details for the site, so guess il just keep mentioning it to her and see what happens

  2. #72
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    A name change wont help if the eldest has his fathers name. His father would never allow him to change that name, so the other father will always be able to trace them down.

  3. #73
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    Unfortunately we've been involved in a situation like this but thankfully without children. My sister was engaged to a madman and he wanted her and us gone. He was abusive to her in the relationship and when she finally decided to leave he didn't make it easy. she had to go into hiding change all phone numbers and not go anywhere alone. Luckily after abotu 4 years of him continually following her and us he found another poor woman to marry and have kids with. He still occasionally will ring and not say a lot and will still sit outside the house sometimes watching us but in the most part he isn't threatening us anymore and he knows that my sister now lives in a different state but doesn't know where exactly.

    If she knows the guys name it doesn't matter if she doesn't know his address or anyway to contact him she can put a AVO or DVO out against him and the police will find him eventually. it doesn't mean that he will definately stay away but if he breaches the order then he can be arrested. as for what your friend should do if it were me i would move to somehwere with lots of people around like a townhouse etc then if anything ever happens there is always lots of wittnesses.

    Good luck to your friend

  4. #74
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenata View Post
    as for what your friend should do if it were me i would move to somehwere with lots of people around like a townhouse etc then if anything ever happens there is always lots of wittnesses.
    I agree. When my ex put me into hospital at 9 weeks pregnant, I decided to cancel my house building plans. I was about to build a house about 45 minutes north and it was going to be out of town.
    Instead of building a house, I bought a 3br villa in a block of 8. I know all my neighbours and 6 of them I know will look out for me.
    Its not perfect, but I felt a lot more safer here. My house is built between 2 other houses and behind my backyard is another house. Noone will be jumping my fence to come in.

  5. #75
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    Would I move overseas from DS to pursue my dream? No. I have plenty more living to do and I'd rather wait until he's older and he can either choose to move with me or is old enough to understand I'm not abandoning him (i.e. older teen or young adult).

    Would I leave him with another trustworthy person who I know would take care of him because my other child is unsafe - probably! The worst thing I can see in that scenario is separating the siblings but if that ensures they both stay safe and alive I'd stop at nothing to ensure this.

    I hope she can sort it out soon



    OT - but does anyone know what happens in a scenario where the father wants nothing to do with a child (his choice) and the mother would like to take the child overseas for short holidays? I *know* he will say no just to be a pain in the bum and make life difficult, is there a way around this?

  6. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Benji For This Useful Post:

    shelle65  (13-03-2012),Stiflers Mom  (13-03-2012)

  7. #76
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    Would I move overseas from DS to pursue my dream? No. I have plenty more living to do and I'd rather wait until he's older and he can either choose to move with me or is old enough to understand I'm not abandoning him (i.e. older teen or young adult).

    Would I leave him with another trustworthy person who I know would take care of him because my other child is unsafe - probably! The worst thing I can see in that scenario is separating the siblings but if that ensures they both stay safe and alive I'd stop at nothing to ensure this.

    I hope she can sort it out soon



    OT - but does anyone know what happens in a scenario where the father wants nothing to do with a child (his choice) and the mother would like to take the child overseas for short holidays? I *know* he will say no just to be a pain in the bum and make life difficult, is there a way around this?
    You would probably request in writing that he gives permission and if that fails, mediation/court? I am in the same predicament, I'd like a passport but need a signature.

    ETA: I agree with the rest of your post.

    I don't see why it has to set in stone, that she can't come back into the child's life or if the situation changes that the child can't come over to her later? She is not abandoning the child in an orphanage, he will be with his father.

    Fathers do this all the time and no one blinks an eyelid.

    I wouldn't do it personally, but if this mother is doing what she thinks will keep her and her child safe then I don't think she is selfish or an awful person.
    Last edited by Stiflers Mom; 13-03-2012 at 13:01.

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  9. #77
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    The title of this thread was child or YOUR childhood dreams, but now i's telling a very different story... very strange indeed

  10. #78
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    OT - but does anyone know what happens in a scenario where the father wants nothing to do with a child (his choice) and the mother would like to take the child overseas for short holidays? I *know* he will say no just to be a pain in the bum and make life difficult, is there a way around this?
    No there isn't. This is the exact reason why I decided at the last moment, to NOT out DS's father on the birthcertificate. Sure, I would get $10,- a week child support, but this in turn entitles him to make my life miserable by saying "no" to everything.
    Even though he has no interest in seeing DS whatsoever, he can still prevent me from getting a passport for him, move interstate, get my future husband to adopt him, etc etc.
    He doesn't care if I would take DS to the moon, he would just want to make my life miserable.
    So that bit of CS wasn't worth the trouble.

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to Misschief For This Useful Post:

    Benji  (13-03-2012)


 

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