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  1. #61
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    Its like all the refugees. Australia is their dream country, yet its not like they can just move here without having to go through any lengthy immigration process.....

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    Most developed countries will do working visas if you are under 27-30. But you have to have a perm job secured before they give it to you. Only know this bc I got offered a f/t job in the UK right before I got pg with DD...

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    Zombie_eyes is offline Formerly Diamondeyes
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    Children come first, thats the choice u make when u have them.

    Living out your childhood dreams at the cost of your child is selfish, mother or father, i dont care.

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    Ulysses  (12-03-2012)

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    She shouldn't leave her child behind and go, I don't think. Children need their mother. Myself, I would honestly rather die than leave my child.

    In saying that, it's incredibly selfish (yet so typical) of the father not to 'allow ' her to go. I think the best option in this case is to compromise - maybe she can live overseas for 6 months here and there...? Half a year each year or just a few months then come home, work/live them go back for a bit...?

    He needs to compromise too - why should he wholly determine your future when he's the absent father?

    Mayes you make choices when you have children and you need to make sacrifices and we all do, but things change, this couple split for whatever reason so if she needs to move on and away that's perfectly reasonable, within reason iykwim.

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    Quote Originally Posted by NutsyK View Post
    I haven't seen anywhere that the OP has posted that the father was absent??? I don't think it's selfish of the father not to want the woman to take his child overseas.. for all he knows she won't come back. Would she be okay for the father to take the child overseas for a period of time??? I know if I split from my DH that there's no way in hell I'd let him take our child overseas, I don't care what the circumstances were. I would also not think my DH selfish for not letting me take our child overseas either.

    NutsyK
    Hmm i kinda assumed since she wants to go OS that they're separated..... I also read somewhere that she's tired of being frightened of him! It kinda made me think he just may be a controlling abusive type, just maybe.

    I also said not to leave her child... And I also said compromise! Not to go permanently! I may have assumed some thinks based on the info she gave but so have you!!

    As for the typical selfish men comment, it's true in many cases, I have the age and experience to know this. Women sacrifice a lot more for men than men do for women in most cases.

  7. #66
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    Ulysses is offline In the eyes of a child you will see...the world as it should be.
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    she should have thought about all that before she had children. I havent read the other posts, but from the original post - I think that once you have children you can no longer just pursue your own happiness you have to consider the lives of your children & they need to be supported & cared for as much as possible. Regardless of whether it was the mother or father i think it is a very selfish attitude.

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    This concerns me. Moving to a 'dream' country just sounds like running away and putting faith in the change making you happy. Happiness doesn't really work like that. If you're miserable here and dissatisfied with your life I'm sceptical that upping amd moving overseas would suddenly fix that. I fear she'd now find herself unhappy in another country because whatever internal angst she has hasn't been addressed. Plus now add guilt at leaving her child.

    Is she seeing a counsellor?

    I don't think a 'dream' country exists. It sounds like fantasy thinking to me. I know people who have moved and loved it, sure. But they weren't running away and expecting the move to fix things.

    I had plenty of childhood dreams. As an adult I can now see not all of them were practical or would be as wonderful and easy as I thought they were as a kid. Dreams change as you grow up and understand the world a bit better. You get new ones, or they adapt to your adult life (especially when children are involved).

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    If the case really is that the woman feels her safety and that of her eldest child is at risk then she needs to seek urgent legal advice about applying to the relevant court for permission to relocate with both children.

    If the risk is real and the move will benefit both children and the mother, and she can ensure that the youngest still gets to see her father then a court will probably allow the relocation.

    If all other options have been explored (and I do not believe from the little snippets we have been given that this has happened) and the child is really at risk then leaving may be the only option or sending the child to live with a relative for a short period of time may be something to consider.

    The stories do not add up that have been supplied to us but if the second scenerio of risk is true then the friend should try the above.

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    The father of the youngest isnt abusive, from what shes said hes really good , he just hasnt been helpful with parenting, left it all on her shoulders.

    Its the guy that fathered the eldest that is threatening both the child & mothers life. From the info she was given from legal advice (of what i could understand) is that if she goes through it it could make it worse, but the info was hard to understand.

    I think she seeked councilling a few yrs back but from what i understand it was no help other than being told to move, which shes done a few times.
    But every where she moves, she get found, her only other move option is to move out of country, and she would chose her dream country, she feels it would easier now while shes 29 & young, easier to get jobs possibly and make it work, rather than waiting 18 yrs, possibly risking her other child.

    But shes torn as her youngest means the world to her.

    Im still talking to her to get her to sign up on here, and get advice and giv better info, as shes only allowing me to give bits and pieces right now, but shes unsure of privacy, giving to much info and so on

    I think shes really confused and torn.
    She has also mention when her and her x were engaged they planned to leave the country for her eldests safety but he apparently had no intentions on doing it, im not really unsure the full details.

    Il keep on with getting her to sign up here & giv proper info and hopefully she will & get some answers

  11. #70
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    Ok.. If she's moving for safety coz her ex is threatening them, then 2 things...

    1) if she was involved with this guy then did she ever mention that shed like to go to this country? What are the chances that he'll track her down?

    2) if this guy is as bad as he sounds, wouldnt he be stalking her other child as well once he figures out that she left that kid behind? Would he do something to that child just as payback? Or even just stalk that child to see if she ever contacts the child so that he can figure out where she is?


 

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