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  1. #11
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    I do agree with Eko to an extent. Though, I believe every personal situation is different, and Op, I don't think you would be completely privy to the complete scenario in regards to this person.

    I also think this is a massive system failure. Women are expected to make ALL sacrifices and to be held accountable for everything family/child related and then criticised for it if they do different to what is deemed as socially acceptable. Whilst most people wouldn't bat an eyelid at the father making the same choices, women are seen to be an ogre for doing such a thing.

    With all this said, for me, *I* have made the choice to put my children as my priority. This is the right thing for me. Just because this is good for me, I totally get that this may not be the right thing for someone else!

    All in all, I think this would be a tough decision and one not made lightly!

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by jacksnjeff View Post
    I do agree with Eko to an extent. Though, I believe every personal situation is different, and Op, I don't think you would be completely privy to the complete scenario in regards to this person.

    All in all, I think this would be a tough decision and one not made lightly!
    This is true. Everyone's situation is different. I just wanted to give the perspective of perhaps a 'worst case' scenario. It may not happen the way it did with myself and my sister... But it may. And I wouldn't wish that on any child .
    It would be extremely tough, I have no doubt that my mother had to weigh up the pros and cons and talk to herself honestly about whether or not it was more worth it for her to achieve her dreams.
    And I think that's what hurts the most. Knowing that she would have tossed and turned and struggled with the choice... And she still chose to abandon us.

    Again, I don't mean to make it sound like a personal attack and if that's the way it comes across I really apologise! My issues shouldn't be everyone else's. I just hope that it gives the OP some insight as to what can happen, because it may help her in her decisions.

  3. #13
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    Totally understand where you're coming from Eko! My heart did break reading your post, you could feel your emotion through your words!

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  5. #14
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    I guess we're all swayed by our experiences. A single mum with kids around dd's age committed suicide and her fb wall was full of posts about how trapped she felt. So that's what I meant by it being potentially detrimental to the family if she stayed.

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  7. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by GothChick View Post
    I coudnt do it. If id have wanted to follow my dreams of living abroad and knew I couldnt do it with 2 kids, I would never have had 2 children.
    I understand things don't always go to plan though..but still..
    I would feel selfish for the rest of my life if I gave my child up to pursue my dreams.
    When I had my DD, I knew my priorities had to change, she would always come first.
    I agree! I would have dome it before I started a family.

  8. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by jacksnjeff View Post
    Totally understand where you're coming from Eko! My heart did break reading your post, you could feel your emotion through your words!
    Aww, don't feel too bad for me. After all, it did teach me a very valuable lesson on how to be a better mum than my own. My children will never have any reason to doubt that there's nothing more important to me than their welfare.

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  10. #17
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    I think when people feel trapped, they idealise escaping and living overseas. But you are the same person with the same problems.

    What about shared care with the father or an overseas holiday or working on the underlying problems?

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    She needs to do what feels right for her. If she is unhappy then she's not going to be a great mum anyway. I doubt she's making the decision lightly.

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  14. #19
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    I have a friend who's mum did this. Her parents seperated and she wanted to go interstate so she left her with her dad and took her brother.
    She never got over the feeling of abandonment and the fact she missed out on having her mum and brother there.

    I personally couldn't do this, there is no way I'd leave a child behind and not have them grow up with their sibling. Even though your single its still a family unit thats being broken up.
    You can't always live a 'dream' and sometimes dreams need to change to fit around the life you have with your kids. To me, my children are more important than living something out, this has a big potential to change their mental state, give them trust issues, abandoment issues. I would die before I let my child suffer in any way.

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  16. #20
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    Many many dreams just can't become reality and if this were me, it would have to remain a dream. I just couldn't separate siblings, I just couldn't do it. My heart is with my children.


    But that's me.

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