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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by GothChick View Post
    Oh jeeze! Really?! See now you are gonna make me cry haha! It actually doesnt sound that bad to me because, well, actually, im not sure, I was going to say it was all I knew, but its not, I saw friends with their beautiful warm houses and their nice soft bed spreads in their girly pink bedrooms and I knew my own bedroom consisted of a broken mattress with the springs sticking up through, no sheets or pillow case and an old smelly doona,bare floorboards and 20 year old grey chipboard wallpaper.. and I knew I was different and not normal....

    I remember when I was round 9,a friends dad once running me a bath at their house so I could bathe whilst they ate dinner. I sat in the bath and cried, no one had ever ran me a bath before, and with bubble bath!! We never even had shampoo let alone bubble bath!
    I felt so cared for.
    I guess it does seem pretty bad reading it back now...

    Sorry, off topic.
    Sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel sad


    Here are some more hugs for you

  2. #32
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    GothChick that's not off topic at all.

    That's what I believe is a lot of the problem in western society, the haves and the have nots. In some countries a smelly old doona on an old mattress would be the norm and nobody would be teased for it because everyone is in the same boat.

    I had a similar childhood, although not quite that bad. Grew up in a crappy house that my folks owned while everyone else lived in really nice rentals, had a nice car and wore brand name clothes. I think it's part of the reason I'm so appreciative of what I DO have wheras I look at my peers who I grew up with and they'd think nothing of taking out a huge loan for an expensive car because they 'need' it NOW.

    I am much the same with DS, I want him to learn to appreciate what he has, but I don't want him being ridiculed like I was because I had no choice but to wear the same crappy clothes day in day out.

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  4. #33
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    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    No I don't think 'stuff' makes anyone a better person, I do think that people judge you according to your amount & type of 'stuff' and lifestyle though.

  5. #34
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    Another one from a big family here. I really feel like i missed out back then but now i know that it doesn't really matter. We still got to go on family holidays and we had a good education but when it came to toys or new clothes we just didn't get much.

    My parents always instilled into myself and my siblings about having work ethic and the importance of working hard for things and i think that that was more valuable than having "stuff".

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    I came from a family with not much money so i had what i needed but not name brand ect and dh came from a family who would buy love he was embarrrased about his house cause it was so big he wouldnt wear his new shoes to school cause everyone knew how expenise the latest nikes were ect if his parents didnt go to see him at his grand final they would buy his a new dirt bike so when we meet he thought showing love was buying presants i had to show him you cant buy me or love now we enjoy the more simple things i dont want my kids raised being given everything on a silver plater cause life doesnt work that way dh had to change himself alot cause he was spoilt rotten and his idea was i dont care if i break something we will just buy a new one and he didnt respect his posessions i was tought as a child to work hard and to save for what is important in life and to always have savings for a rainy day and that time spent together not thinfs that make memories

  7. #36
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    Eko is offline Acrobatic Dominatrix.
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    Quote Originally Posted by GothChick View Post
    Sorry, off topic.
    Not off topic at all. I am genuinely curious about all points of view, and yours is an extremely valid one just as everyone else's is!

    (PS, if I could right now I'd draw you a nice warm bath with bath salts, bubble bath, a glass of something tasty and some nice music ). Wait, that sounds really good... May just have to do that for myself too! Hehehe.

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    No, I don't believe having 'stuff' makes a child grow to be a better person, and similarly I don't believe not having 'stuff' will see a child grow to be a better person. I think it has far more to do with family values and parents time and attention.

    Both my DH and I were raised in families that experienced massive financial struggles. My family was homeless for 6 months when I was 12, and had a very near miss again when I was 17. Both of our parents still live day to day and very frugal lives.

    I have so much admiration for my parents, and as an adult I have a much deeper understanding of how severe their financial situation was at times. As a child we were kept as sheltered from that as possible. My family is extremely close, and I have so many fond memories of growing up despite our families financial situation.

    As he left home at 17 DH was determined to study and build a career that would ensure his financial future and that of his children. He grew up the boy from the 'poor' family and he wanted to break that cycle. He was successful in doing this, and we are now by the common definition on this forum, wealthy. So it is very possible to grow up without 'stuff' and be financially successful.

    This means our children have more 'stuff'. They will experience more travel and entertainment and have opportunities more readily available. But having stuff does not mean that my children will grow into selfish, ungrateful greed machines either. They are being raised with the same family values as we were, of belonging, respect, honesty, generosity and responsibility.

    And they have their 'stuff', but their favourite thing to do is to visit their grandparents farm and ride motorbikes and horses and spend every daylight hour outside with their cousins

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  10. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2pink 1on way View Post
    when we meet he thought showing love was buying presants i had to show him you cant buy me or love
    You know what's funny? I just realised I do the same thing. I spend money on DH way more extravagantly than I ever do on myself.
    I buy him gifts and things that I would never dream of spending that amount of money on myself and yet I do it for him without even thinking. I think it's similar for me but in a different way.

    When I was young my mum bought everything new for my sister and gave me hand me downs. I never had anything new until I got taller than my sister and couldn't wear her cast offs anymore. Even then, I didn't get nice things 'just because'. I remember having to complain for 3 months before I got new sneakers when I had holes in mine.
    My sister always got nice things bought for her, brand name stuff, little suprises for no reason... And my mum admitted a few years ago that it was because SHE was always passed over for her younger sister when she was a kid. That led to her spoiling her oldest in return, even though she didn't know it at the time.

    So I guess I do the same with DH. I feel like I should 'spoil' him and buy him treats and suprises to show that I love him when really I don't need to. And at the same time I'll struggle to buy myself a new packet of cheapie undies because mine are all ancient and awful, because I guess I feel like the money is better spent on DH and DS... Ah how this thread has brought up some ancient griefs! Hahahaha.

  11. #39
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    Of course 'stuff' doesn't make your child a better person, it will probably make life easier in certain ways but not better.
    I grew up in a poorer family but at the risk of sounding totally cornball it was love that i felt deprived of, not stuff. At times i would feel a little embarrassed not having the expensive brand name clothes but mostly i wasn't too fussed about that stuff (most of my peers were the same position as me anyway).

    I don't have much money as an adult either but i feel i'm a good person and i don't feel i'd be any 'better' if i'd grown up with stuff - i do think i might be more contented had i grown up in a loving home though...

  12. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eko View Post
    Not off topic at all. I am genuinely curious about all points of view, and yours is an extremely valid one just as everyone else's is!

    (PS, if I could right now I'd draw you a nice warm bath with bath salts, bubble bath, a glass of something tasty and some nice music ). Wait, that sounds really good... May just have to do that for myself too! Hehehe.
    Sounds lovely.


 

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