So some of you may already know that I lost my angel just over a week ago through a missed miscarriage at just shy of 12 weeks.
I was fine, I truly was. Sad of course, but had come to terms with the fact that my little Noah just wasn't meant to be. But yesterday and today have been super hard! All of a sudden I'm crying easily and wondering how he would have turned out. Would he have been naughty or cheeky or funny or just plain too cute for words? Would he love me as much as I already love him? Why was he taken from us? Why couldn't he have stayed? God knows I wanted him to stay more than anything I've ever wanted in my life.
I feel like there's something missing .. like a part of me is gone forever. I want nothing more than to be pregnant again
I was that person that wold let everyone know that I NEVER wanted children. It just wasn't for me and I couldn't picture myself ever giving up me "me" time. My mum said to me one day, "When you meet the man for you, you'll want children. Believe me." She told me this while I was married to my first husband and still saying that I never wanted children. Gee thanks Mum! But how right she was. I met my now DH and all I want is to extend our little family and make it bigger and better! I want nothing more than to give us the gift and blessing of our own little bundle of joy.
I can't look at a pregnant woman without tears welling up in my eyes. I look at little babies and feel a longing in my arms to hold one of my own. My heart aches for my own little bubba and never in a million years did I think for a moment I would ever feel like this.
Anyways I'm rambling .. this is going to sound really dumb but many many years ago a psychic told me I would have my first born at the age of 33. I turned 33 in January and I was pregnant and thinking "Wow! Maybe that psychic was right after all when I had scoffed in her face at the time". Turns out she was wrong. I couldn't possibly have my first born at 33 now
Stupid to be upset over that I know but I guess in my heart of hearts, I hoped she was right ..
Thanks for reading and sorry for the long rambling post.