+ Reply to Thread
Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 123
Results 21 to 27 of 27
  1. #21
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    5,865
    Thanks
    986
    Thanked
    3,330
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I wish I had your strength to be honest with myself like this about 8 years ago..

    You can't fake something that isn't there and I truly believe that staying with someone just out of fear of hurting them can only lead to more unhappiness. His heart will heal and eventually he'll probably come to realise that although you have caused sadness in him now - you've actually spared him deeper heart ache later down the track.

    It can't be easy for either of you. I hope you both start to smile again soon.

  2. #22
    Rutabaga's Avatar
    Rutabaga is offline Getting it together, one day at a time.
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Rural Darwin
    Posts
    810
    Thanks
    1,594
    Thanked
    295
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Just for you. Keep going and be strong. I hope everything happens smoothly.

  3. #23
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    731
    Thanks
    88
    Thanked
    90
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    He just text me from work saying he feels lost today... I feel so terrible, I know this is the right thing to do! I wish he was just mad with me, its killing me knowing I'm breaking his heart.

  4. #24
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    The Kimberley WA
    Posts
    4,622
    Thanks
    916
    Thanked
    1,180
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by chubby bunny View Post
    He just text me from work saying he feels lost today... I feel so terrible, I know this is the right thing to do! I wish he was just mad with me, its killing me knowing I'm breaking his heart.
    Being honest and open with him was the best thing. You need to think of yourself, it's a terrible time for him no doubt but he will move on. You are obviously not happy with him nor do you see a future with him so it's time to move on yourself and start afresh.

  5. #25
    tiggerfields's Avatar
    tiggerfields is offline Priestess of Kult K'iesha... Mooo!
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    1,285
    Thanks
    81
    Thanked
    508
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation. I know how very hard it is. I'll tell you my story in case it is helpful for you.

    I left my first husband around five years ago. I knew I wanted to leave him about 18 months before that, but I had just got pregnant and so we decided to keep trying for the sake of the baby. It limped along for the pregnancy and the first year of DS's life but all the good will in the world couldn't save what was broken.

    He was broken by it. He really REALLY wanted to save the marriage. But I was done. And no way on earth could I stay.

    I was quite frightened to leave as he was a very dominating person. He was VERY definite that he wanted us to stay together. So it took me a long time to get the courage together to tell him I was going.

    What saved me was forming a good relationship with a wonderful relationship counsellor BEFORE I left. Having someone to discuss the breakup with before, during and after it actually happened was an invaluable resource. I credit my counsellor with the fact I am here and functional today. He was WONDERFUL. I can't tell you how much it helped.

    SEcondly I prepared my family and friends before it happened. I discussed it with them when I was thinking about it and they were ready to catch me when I fell down once it all happened.

    Finally, I'd begun researching the legal aspects so I knew what I was in for and had decided what I thought was fair and what I was entitled to. Also in terms of Centrelink payments, etc.

    All this may sound calculating and yep, it was. But I think it was sensible. Whether or not I'd prepared for the outcome before it happened, it would have happened anyway. And given you're posting here, I'm guessing you've considered this very seriously. My advice to you, if you've definitely decided to leave, is to do some of the groundwork before you actually up sticks and leave. It will make it so very much easier for you once you do.

    I am now very, VERY happily re-married so never doubt this kind of thing can end well

  6. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to tiggerfields For This Useful Post:

    katzdreams  (05-04-2012),onkybear  (14-03-2012)

  7. #26
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Posts
    32
    Thanks
    16
    Thanked
    5
    Reviews
    0
    Couldn't read and not say something.
    Firstly

    Tiggerfields has some wise words.
    Make sure the first thing you do is speak to a family law solicitor before you make any financial decisions and espically before you leave the family home.

    I left my marriage about 3 years ago, and broke his heart. We just weren't working and I was so over feeling trapped. After the million-a-day txt messages and tears it turned VERY nasty. Thats why its important to get your legal advise sorted first and then go to a counsellor and get a plan of action in place. When you do leave, you will probably feel a little 'lost' so a written plan of action that you can follow will become your bible (don't forget to jot down the reasons why you left too!!).
    I feel your pain and how raw it feels to hurt someone, but you have the rest of your life ahead.... and I don't believe in being a marriage-martyr.
    If you can, try and sell the house so all connections to him are broken. Be strong and remember to look after yourself and get plenty of rest.



  8. #27
    LifeInShadesOfGrey's Avatar
    LifeInShadesOfGrey is offline Just a little bit silly :)
    Winner 2012 - Best Username
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    5,674
    Thanks
    2,052
    Thanked
    1,364
    Reviews
    35
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I think that you have done the right thing. I know you feel bad for upsetting him but at the end of the day it sounds better off, if you guys were apart.

    To me cheating is a deal breaker immediately. No second chances. BUT Ive been on the forgiving stick too with slip ups/relationships and forgiven an ex. However I think that sort of behaviour does cause you to 'check out' emotionally.

    Just concentrate on the legal things and be swift about it. Things can turn nasty quickly and you want to make sur eyou are prepared incase they do.

    Just hang in there and I'm around if you want to have a chat just pm me.


 

Similar Threads

  1. im just not that into you anymore....
    By Hunkamunka in forum Family & Friends
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 04-07-2012, 07:40
  2. I can't do this anymore
    By singlemumma82 in forum General Health
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 22-05-2012, 21:11
  3. I just cant do this anymore
    By Courts21 in forum 'No Cry' Sleeping Solutions
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 07-04-2012, 21:16

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Pebblebee
Parents spend hours looking for things they need NOW. The keys, the remote, darling daughter's treasured teddy. Stop wasting precious time looking & start finding with Bub Hub reviewed Pebblebee Smart Tag. Simply attach a Pebblebee and find it fast.
sales & new stuffsee all
Pea Pods
Buy 2 Award Winning Pea Pods Reusable One Size Nappies for only $38 (in your choice of colours) and receive a FREE roll of Bamboo Liners. Don't miss out, we don't usually have discounts on the nappies, so grab this special offer!
Special Offer! Save $12
featured supporter
Vibe Natural Health
Your natural health care team for fertility, pregnancy, post natal and family health care. Our Naturopaths, Doctors, Osteopaths, Acupuncturists, Psychologists,Nutritionists, Pilates, & Massage specialise in women & children's health and wellbeing.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!