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  1. #11
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    Document with pictures and a diary. Call DOCS of you can. Don't stop going to pick ups you are a step mother and have every right to go if BM doesn't like it she can get stuffed. Can you guys do that thing where she drops off and you pick up and not have to see her? You should be careful as you don't want BM saying you guys are bruising her not saying she will but if DOCS shows up she might to save herself so document everything maybe even videos to show DOCS they ate trained to k ow the signs. Worse case is nothing is happening and it's just an inconvience for a bit.

  2. #12
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    if there is a history of domestic abuse...the father has no right at all to know where the mother lives...this is why i said tread carefully.

    The step mother does not need to go to p[ick ups...if it is making things more stressful and voliatile and she has the true best interests of the child at heart...it makes more sense to try and make things as smooth as possible.

    How long have you been with him?I notice you say partner and and not husband...is this your step child...or your boyfriends child?

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  4. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by smileygirl View Post
    if there is a history of domestic abuse...the father has no right at all to know where the mother lives...this is why i said tread carefully.

    The step mother does not need to go to p[ick ups...if it is making things more stressful and voliatile and she has the true best interests of the child at heart...it makes more sense to try and make things as smooth as possible.

    How long have you been with him?I notice you say partner and and not husband...is this your step child...or your boyfriends child?
    I dont agree them spoiling the BM is not going to help people need to toughen up, the relationship is over this new woman is in the childs life the BM needs to shut up and deal with it be a grown up and realize she lost him someone else scooped him up and her daughter is a package deal the new family should not walk on ice around her.

  5. #14
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    its so hard with kids to work out what if what they are saying is real.
    does she attend daycare or childcare at all? if so could your partner speak to the carers and see if anything has been said there.

    my DD1 often tells her dad mummy is always cranky, simply because i do all the parenting when she is with him the word 'no' is never heard so obviously to a 4yr old in comparision mummy must look cranky.

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    I'm nit sure whether this would work or not, but would taking her to a GP be of any help? Kids bruise SO easily, but experts surely know which bruises are suspicious and which ones aren't.

    She does sound very confused, so perhaps a childhood counsellor may also be of assistance. They are also mandatory reporters so if the counsellor suspects anything he/she has a duty of care to report it.

    It's also hard to know what "mummy is always mean" means to a 3 year old because my DS thinks me being "mean" is not letting him have subway every night and serving him vegetables! And "mummy is always angry", well, TBH I've seen mums on this forum who say they feel like all they do is yell and are always anxious and angry but this doesn't mean they are belting their kids.

    If your instincts tell you something is wrong, please get your husband to fight for this child. Child psychologist!!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lovemyfam View Post
    Document with pictures and a diary. Call DOCS of you can. Don't stop going to pick ups you are a step mother and have every right to go if BM doesn't like it she can get stuffed. Can you guys do that thing where she drops off and you pick up and not have to see her? You should be careful as you don't want BM saying you guys are bruising her not saying she will but if DOCS shows up she might to save herself so document everything maybe even videos to show DOCS they ate trained to k ow the signs. Worse case is nothing is happening and it's just an inconvience for a bit.
    Please take this woman's advice with a grain of salt.

    There is no point in causing unecessary hostility where people are already people walking on eggshells, that won't do anyone any favours. I think respect is essential, if she's uncomfortable around you, avoid making her uncomfortable. I never entered my son's father's house out of respect for his partner, there is just no need to be asserting authority and throwing our weight around.

    As a previous poster mentioned also, we don't have rights to know where our exes are living, this would be an absolute nightmare with cases of stalking and previous abuse.

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  10. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lovemyfam View Post
    I dont agree them spoiling the BM is not going to help people need to toughen up, the relationship is over this new woman is in the childs life the BM needs to shut up and deal with it be a grown up and realize she lost him someone else scooped him up and her daughter is a package deal the new family should not walk on ice around her.
    This advice sucks, seriously.

    There is really no need for a step parent to come along on pick ups, if it's adding to an already intense situation. How does that help the child who is already having problems with the status quo.

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  12. #18
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    It just seems that the custodial parent will just keep pushing if people give in to them all the time. If it doesn't bother the child why act like the step parent is some plague? Just gonna damage the relationship between step kid and step parent I think the kid will eventually wonder why the one parent hates the step parent and brush off on them

  13. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    I'm nit sure whether this would work or not, but would taking her to a GP be of any help? Kids bruise SO easily, but experts surely know which bruises are suspicious and which ones aren't.

    She does sound very confused, so perhaps a childhood counsellor may also be of assistance. They are also mandatory reporters so if the counsellor suspects anything he/she has a duty of care to report it.

    It's also hard to know what "mummy is always mean" means to a 3 year old because my DS thinks me being "mean" is not letting him have subway every night and serving him vegetables! And "mummy is always angry", well, TBH I've seen mums on this forum who say they feel like all they do is yell and are always anxious and angry but this doesn't mean they are belting their kids.

    If your instincts tell you something is wrong, please get your husband to fight for this child. Child psychologist!!!
    I strongly agree with this advice. A GP is a great place to start.

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  15. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lovemyfam View Post
    It just seems that the custodial parent will just keep pushing if people give in to them all the time. If it doesn't bother the child why act like the step parent is some plague? Just gonna damage the relationship between step kid and step parent I think the kid will eventually wonder why the one parent hates the step parent and brush off on them

    you are missing the point that this is about the child...if the child does not see the mum/step mum together to see the hostility, they won't have to carry that baggage.

    You seem to think the BM is being evil when you do not know the whole story. There is no need at all to make a tense situation worse.

    I get the feeling that there is much more to this and i think perhaps a little respect and consideration.

    If you are truly worried about the welfare of the child...pay attention, perhaps speak to a counsellor for some advice on how to handle it but also take into consideration that this little girl is dealing with way more than she should be and may be saying what she thinks you guys want to hear.


 

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