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  1. #1
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    Default Concerned

    Hi Everyone,

    I am a bit concerned about my 3yr old stepchild.
    Keeping in mind that he is a toddler so bruises are expected.
    We’ve noticed that she never wants to go back to his mother’s, she went through a phase of constantly telling us that every bruise is from her mum.
    My partner spoke to the ex – understanding that if she is naughty sometimes a smack is necessary to which she replied that she hasn’t smacked him in over 2 months she now puts him in his room and cry it out.
    If she thinks she is in trouble she runs to a corner and cries hysterically and its only when she calms down that she tells us she was naughty.
    Of late she has mentioned little things like “mummy doesn’t talk to me” or “I don’t want to go home cos mummy is always angry”
    But the latest is “when nobody is around mummy is mean”

    While we are bit concerned in how to handle this, is it possible we are making a big deal out of nothing? Especially when we don’t have any proof just the words of the child.

  2. #2
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    it's a very tricky one.

    Do you have 50/50 care? How often do you see her?

    Is the mum under new pressures or anything that could be leading to big differences in her home?

    Is the mum single or repartnered?

    Does your DH have a good relationship with her? Could he have a coffee with her and tell her what the child is saying?


    DS used to say that sort of stuff about ex when he stayed with him...said he was mean/grumpy etc I asked ex and a lot of things were fabricated or exagerated.

    It's tricky, you don't want to not react and have it be something...and you don't want to talk to her and possibly make it worse.

  3. #3
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    It is difficult to say if their is abuse or not, I would just keep your eye on it.

    My step son went through a similar stage around 6 months ago, pretty sure I posted on here about it somewhere, he would come with bruises, hate going home, would scream hysterically my partner would have to tell him he was taking him somewhere else but once he recognised the area he would realize he was going home, and would get extremely emotional. I think it's easy to just assume the worst, but in out case I don't think it was, step son is 4years now and tables have turned and he is now quite difficult for us, he gets emotional when he gets dropped off here, becomes quite resevered and timid when he is in our care. I think some children just deal with all the emotions of being in a seperated family different, some adjust quite easily others don't. How is your relationship with Biomum? I honestly feel like a civil relationship between seperated parents is the best thing, you don't need to be best friends, but at least be on the same par with parenting techniques and being able to communicate makes life so much easier. Goodluck, I hope your stepchild settles down, but definietly keep an eye out because it could be abuse but it may not be.

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    Gender identity crisis?

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  6. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlissedOut View Post
    Gender identity crisis?
    I was kind of wondering the same thing!

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    Quote Originally Posted by BlissedOut View Post
    Gender identity crisis?
    I was getting confused and thinking "wait is this child a boy or girl."

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    Write down all of the instances and take photos, just in case. Can you increase your time with him/her?

    Hope it turns out to be nothing...

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    oops - Her!!
    Dunno where the "him" came from lol

    No the ex and my partner do not have a good relationship. he tries to be civil but she wont have a bar of it.
    She also hates me so if im there to pick up the little one she is even more rude to my partner.
    no idea if she has a partner nor do we know where she lives (the pickup point is a mutual place) and she refuses to even adivse what suburb she lives in.

    My partner tried talking to her when the little one was saying "mummy went bang" on her leg etc and then next time we seen her she was would show us her bruises and say she fell.

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    sounds like there is a LOT of bad history and a lot of tension going on in the present...and the lil girl is the one suffering.

    Keep notes of things, but also keep in mind she sounds very confused and may well be saying the same things about when she stays with you.

    I know nothing of your partner...but, i would tread carefully if i were you, sounds like their break up/relationship was pretty bad.

    Also, put the little girl first...If you being there makes things more tense, i would not go along.

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    Sounds dodgy. Your partner has the right to know where his own daughter lives, and to be able to see for himself what sort of conditions she's being raised in.


 

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