Unwanted advice

**rachdent** · 13-10-2006 17:05

Hi everyone

I'm a freelance magazine writer currently researching an article on 'How to Handle Unwanted Advice' from people - parents, strangers,neighbours - about raising your children in the early years.

I'd love to hear from any mums and dads who were given advice without asking for it - please let me know what kinds of advice you got, who it was from, and what you said/did about it?

I'd also love to hear any advice people were given that was absolutely ridiculous/funny stories, etc.

Oh perhaps, just for the heck/fun of it, if you could offer new parents one piece of advice - what would it be.

Please reply to this post, PM me or email me at Pink.Ink077@gmail.com

Cheers
RACH!

**RedPanda** · 13-10-2006 17:10

I've PM'd you

**mummy2sophie** · 15-10-2006 10:18

god there's so much to say on this topic! Where to start. When DD has been crying in her pram in the shopping centre I had one rude (older) woman gruffly tell me to feed her. I was so shocked. I managed to reply: "it seems like you really know what you're talking about! Here why don't you take her and fix her up while I finish shopping here and get home...I have a lot of housework to do."
When she shook her head I added, "not willing to take her?? well then I must be doing a great job then, thanks!" and departed.

I admit though that this is not the best way to handle unwanted advice. It's probably better to say that she's my daughter and I know her best, I have her 24 hours a day and giving me some concrete help like putting on some laundry is actually a much bigger help.

My mother is really big on the advice thing. I told my her that since Soph is my first and I really want to feel I'm a good mum, I really need someone to listen to my problems and support my decisions rather. This will help me feel I am doing a great job and more secure in my decisions. This helped hugely.

**spiritedfamily** · 15-10-2006 13:03

I have had so much advice over the last ten years of parenting..usually pushy uninvited advice. I used to respond and it didn't ever end well. These days, I smile politely and say 'thank you' and continue on my way and if they are really insistant...I usually walk away.

The comments people make..range so much..and none really stand out anymore because I don't pay attention to them this days...like water off a duck's back.

**mum2bubba** · 15-10-2006 17:56

Omg where do I start?

When Hayley was about 2 or 3 months we were in Coles waiting for my fiance (he used to work there) and I had just fed her, but she was crying coz she was tired and this guy walked passed and said "looks like someones hungry mum" I just bit my tongue but looked at him in a mean way.

My fiance has this friend who is a bit older (shes about 40ish) and whenever she sees me with Hayley she almost always has to say something or give unwanted advice: Once she came over and I was feeding Hayley her bottle and trying to eat MY dinner at the same time, she said to me "do you want me to feed her?" and I gave her Hayley and she started crying coz she (like alot of babies at 5 months) only wants her mum and my fiance's friend tipped the bottle onto her wrist and said "is there any milk coming out of this?" as if I am an idiot and given her a bottle she can't even drink from.
Another time we were out shopping and Hayley was about 3 months and she was in the pram in the sitting position (she was a very alert baby) and fiance's friend said "shouldn't she be lying down?" I said "no, my daughter, likes sitting up". She didn't say anything after that.

Also at the start of the year I was waiting at the train station for my fiance, Hayley was in the pram and the sun was in her eyes and this guy walks passed and said "move the pram, the suns in her eyes" and I said "ok" but I couldn't move it as I had to wait until everyone had passed and he shouted out "move the pram!" I can't remember everything that was said after that but he went on to tell me that I was "too young to own that baby" and I replied with "I'm 23 you (insert swear word here)" .

I have had a few strangers and family/friends tell me what to do (or not do) with Hayley usually I bite my tongue but when it comes to complete strangers (esp the last guy mentioned and esp since they know nothing about me or my daughter) I'm not one to hold back ESP if I am already in a bad mood.

**JnA** · 15-10-2006 18:05

Man, I'm boring. I just nod my head and go on my merry way.

I don't have the energy these days to try to debate stuff with people.

**our little treasures** · 15-10-2006 18:14

If it's family I will usually make a comment that I don't want to do that or that is wrong and we have been told this etc.. However if it is strangers I usually just bite my tongue and sometimes even with family and friends I just act like I will do it and then do my own thing.. He hehehe I sometimes even pretend that the idea was the best I have ever heard, because they are only trying to help and I don't want friends family to be hurt when tomorrow they may have the best advice! IYKWIM

**rachdent** · 16-10-2006 13:58

Hey gals

Just wanted to say thanks heaps for your comments - please keep them coming.

**mum2four** · 16-10-2006 20:20

With my first born I was at a sporting match with DD (she would have been about 8wks old) anyway, every Tom **** and Harry was telling me to get her out of the sun. Anyway, I had the hood over the pram and none was getting on her. I shut up for the first few and was getting angrier by the minute. Decided to myself that the next person who said something would cop it. That just happened to be her father...lol...I said something along the lines of she is out of the sun and stormed off back to his parents house up the road. They came after me and his mother started, I just blew up and shouted at her, 'she is my baby, not your & I will raise her the way I see fit'. She tried the old 'I don't interfere' so then I brought up everything she had already done, especially the fact that she would just hand my baby over to anyone she wanted without asking, especially people she knew I didn't like. She never once tried to tell me what to do again!

These days I just act like i'm listening and then do what I want anyway, obviously some advise is good, but I will pick and choose which advise I want to use

**mini munchkin** · 19-10-2006 12:42

Not sure if this is what you want Rach, however...
When DD was 6 wks old we were eating dinner out. I'd half feed her and was burping her. MIL took DD from me when she was grizzling, because MIL thought she had wind. I kept saying, no she's hungry and MIL kept saying it was wind. Basically, we were starting to have a huge arguement and DD was getting very upset at not being able to have the rest of her meal. Eventually, I got DD back and MIL agreed she was hungry, but didn't apoligse.

I've had others tell me that I should put honey on her dummy to make her like it. (Obviously not up to date with current health info)

I've had issues with MIL (again!) telling me when I should start solids and what I should start with.

For unwanted advice... I was given some good advice years ago, to imagine myself inside a bubble. What I thought was good/important/positive I let inside the bubble, everything didn't touch me.
Can't say I always remember to put my bubble on... but hey!

One thing I'd say to any new parent or parent to be is go to the ABA breast feeding seminar. It was really awesome.

Can't think of any more, although I'm sure I'll think of it all later!
xxx