+ Reply to Thread
Page 8 of 9 FirstFirst ... 6789 LastLast
Results 71 to 80 of 82
  1. #71
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Bowen Basin
    Posts
    875
    Thanks
    14
    Thanked
    191
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I cannot think of any occassion when I have trusted my intuition and regretted it.

    I can think of numerous occassions when I went against my intuition and explained away a situation or talked myself out of something and then regretted it.

    Mother's intuition is strong.

    What you are describing are warning signs we've all been told to look out for. It might not be obvious to everyone, but predators are usually manipulative and groom parents and children for abuse. They need trust from parents and kids and they need access in order to abuse.

    Keep being vigilant! Definately set boundaries with him too so that he knows you're watching him. If you aren't facilitating the interaction, you set boundaries and its obvious that you're not playing the game, your kids are far less likely to be the target because there is no opportunity to groom and escellate the behaviour. Even if it is innocent, you're uncomfortable and the behaviour is unusual and you need to set boundaries.

    I would rather be a b1tch with safe kids than to be nice and polite for the sake of not upsetting a predator.

  2. The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to MMelissa For This Useful Post:

    AppleIsleSMum  (07-03-2012),BluePixie  (04-04-2012),Bubbles10  (07-03-2012),karter  (15-04-2012),laurea  (07-03-2012),LillyPonds  (07-03-2012),lovesushi  (07-03-2012),MothersMilk  (07-03-2012),MyLittleLilacTree  (01-04-2012),SpongebobMummyPants  (07-03-2012),strongerthanu  (14-04-2012)

  3. #72
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    1,277
    Thanks
    3,305
    Thanked
    466
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Thankyou MMellisa that's exactly right. The man who abused me for YEARS as a child was close to my family and everyone thought he was just a nice man who really likes kids

    I just don't see how or why lip kissing or bathing young children is nessicary in order to show love and affection I just don't, like at all. You can be playful with kids and involved in their lives without such physical intimacy.

  4. The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to laurea For This Useful Post:

    Bubbles10  (07-03-2012),Happy2be3  (07-03-2012),karter  (15-04-2012),LillyPonds  (07-03-2012),MissMuppet  (02-04-2012),strongerthanu  (14-04-2012)

  5. #73
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Posts
    418
    Thanks
    14
    Thanked
    15
    Reviews
    0
    I wouldn't let him kiss on the lips, go to the park alone with them or bathe them. Its all baloney. I wouldn't make any excuses for him either.

    A little bit of affection is ok, but thats all going too far.

  6. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to serendipity22 For This Useful Post:

    Bubbles10  (08-03-2012),karter  (15-04-2012),laurea  (08-03-2012),MissMuppet  (02-04-2012),strongerthanu  (14-04-2012)

  7. #74
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    131
    Thanks
    145
    Thanked
    37
    Reviews
    1
    I was abused at 3yo by my father's stepfather (so my step-grandfather). My parents had NO inkling from him at all, no suspicions, nothing. Then once a doctor saw me and started asking questions about some physical and behavioural abnormalities, my parents FREAKED! I had only been with them and both sets of grandparents. A family friend (of my dad's mum and step-dad) called my dad over and said they had suspected Mike was "odd" for years (the step-grandfather) and had stopped their children going there unsupervised. My dad started remembering things about his step-fathers relationships with his daughters (one of whom committed suicide at 16). Unfortunately, most abused children were abused by family members of family friends.

    I am saying this as an abused child, and hence an extremely cautious mother. Be vigilant, and I would definitely say something. DH's support or not! My DP thinks I overreact when it comes to my DD's stepgrandfather (see the correlation here people?) as he was asking COMPLETELY inappropriate questions about labour, induction and breastfeeding, constantlyyyyyyy! So I'd say stick to your guns, in the end a bit of arguing with DH is better than something happening. It tore my parents marriage apart. My dad has only just recovered (I don't think fully either), so in the end you're protecting DH as well!

    MIL knows my background but says "we can trust her"...in my experience - it's quite often the one's you think you can trust that do the most damage!

  8. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to MyLittleLilacTree For This Useful Post:

    Bubbles10  (02-04-2012),karter  (15-04-2012),laurea  (02-04-2012),MissMuppet  (02-04-2012),strongerthanu  (14-04-2012)

  9. #75
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    7,684
    Thanks
    387
    Thanked
    663
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Nazgul View Post
    Geez...
    Remind me when my son is born that my BIL can't babysit him, can't bath him or show affection to him..
    No wonder little boys grow up with a "don't cry, be a man, don't show feelings" attitude.

    SERIOUSLY:
    There is no point doing the whole "if it was a woman would there be an issue" deal..
    WE ARE TALKING ABOUT A MAN NOT A WOMAN.
    Stop making it a sexist issue.
    End of story.

    IMO I don't think anything this BIL is Doing is wrong, maybe your irked out by him because of his history and are just picking up everything he does as an annoyance...

    I personally know if I have a pre-conceived notion about someone which makes me dislike them a teeny bit, everything that person does will annoy me or I will think is wrong.

    I'm not saying the other posters are incorrect in their view whether this person is grooming or not.
    BUT
    Just keep your eye on it.
    Because I could think of nothing worse than accusing my partners brother of being a pedophile when in fact he just loves my child.
    I can think of something a whole lot worse...

  10. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to bada For This Useful Post:

    Bellaxo  (17-04-2012),Bubbles10  (02-04-2012),laurea  (02-04-2012),MyLittleLilacTree  (02-04-2012),twotrunks  (14-04-2012)

  11. #76
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    7,684
    Thanks
    387
    Thanked
    663
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by MsMummy View Post
    Sometimes you just get a strong sense that something is not right.

    I went away for a birthday weekend, which included several young children under 3. The host's step FIL was there and he creeped me out. He could barely control his excitement to be around young kids and made inappropriate comments, eg. there was a large bath and the kids had a bath together and he said "oh, I wish I could join in". Seriously, it was like putting their favourite thing in front of an addict - he eyes lit up and he almost salivated.

    He may never act on his urges, but I would bet my house that he has them.

    It disturbed me enough that I asked the host's sister if the host ever left her child with step FIL, as I felt really concerned.

    Anyway, it's a horrible situation for you to be in OP. I would never allow unsupervised contact with BIL, but never say anything either. I only skim read the rest of the thread so I haven't seen whether you've been able to discuss this with your husband (I presume he's the brother of your BIL). that would be very awkward and you would have to tread carefully.
    I remember this *shudders* but I never heard him say that he wanted to join in :/ running that whole weekend back through my mind now, yuck.


    I think the stats say something like up to 25% of children will be sexually abused at some point, it's not just some random thing that rarely happens. I think its understandable that parents are almost hyper vigilant about this issue. Also re the comments about 'would you feel the same way about an aunt' - again with the stats - well apparently women make up like 0.5% of convicted pedophiles. Sure there could be more, but with those kind of stats in mind, it makes complete sense that ppl would be generally more alert around men showing an interest in children opposed to a woman doing the same thing, sad but true and justified IMO.

    Glad to hear you've followed your gut on this OP.
    Last edited by bada; 02-04-2012 at 00:42.

  12. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to bada For This Useful Post:

    laurea  (02-04-2012),MissMuppet  (02-04-2012)

  13. #77
    Opinionated's Avatar
    Opinionated is offline Winner 2009 - Best Avatar
    You know you love me.
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    3,509
    Thanks
    140
    Thanked
    808
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Have you brought this up with him?

    I would imagine if you have a creepy feeling about him, he is in fact a creep. Gut instincts are often right. However, there is the small chance he is over affectionate and inappropriate. Call him on it, then you will know by his reaction.

    The other thing to consider is that the majority of men are all too aware of how their interest in children may appear. For better or worse, most restrict their behaviour, worried that someone might think the wrong thing about them. I would be a bit concerned about someone who didn't think that way. I have actually had to encourage my little brother to be more affectionate with my kids. I think he was scared to and they thought that their uncle didn't like them much.
    Last edited by Opinionated; 02-04-2012 at 00:50.

  14. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Opinionated For This Useful Post:

    karter  (15-04-2012),laurea  (02-04-2012),Ulysses  (14-04-2012)

  15. #78
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    6
    Thanks
    7
    Thanked
    13
    Reviews
    0
    I have been in this predicament my self and let's just say I'm sorry I had no place to turn to have someone tell me about my gut feelings. What ever you do dont end up in my situation where all we can do is try repair the damage done to our children. My brother sil and my mother no longer talk to me because my sf was arrested after my sons disclosure but I'd rather that than my child's abuse continuing. They have all abandoned us and I quote say its a lie but I can assure you it's not. I am so angry with myself for not acting sooner on instincts alone. But with all I now know about abuse in general after the fact it was yelling at me in the face the whole time and it now all makes sence. I trusted that if my mother was there nothing could happen and also thought that this man loved them too much to hurt them. These sorts of people will do many thing to gain trust and yes they are good with kids in public that's how they get your trust. All too willing to help in any way eager to get time alone with your child even when the child says they don't want to. Don't risk your child. It only takes 5 seconds to dramatically have their lives ruined for ever!

  16. The Following User Says Thank You to strongerthanu For This Useful Post:

    twotrunks  (14-04-2012)

  17. #79
    Ulysses's Avatar
    Ulysses is offline In the eyes of a child you will see...the world as it should be.
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    1,501
    Thanks
    1,455
    Thanked
    609
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    all I can say is, do NOT leave these children with this man unattended - it is far better to hurt this guys feelings & be wrong than to have your children molested & lives ruined forever. I will not go into details of my own experiences or other people close to me but suffice to say intuition in these circumstances is key…….your mumma bear instincts are there for a reason & it's your job to look out for your babies even if adults egos aren't being stroked.

    You sound like a good mum. Stick with your inner guide, when it comes to people sometimes words cannot explain things & theres something you can't quite put your finger on…..very rarely have I had this feeling (if ever) & been wrong & i am sure you are the same. Have you ever thought someone was creepy & been wrong, & either way its not a risk worth taking.

    Keep the kids close & keep a close eye on this man when he is with your children.

  18. The Following User Says Thank You to Ulysses For This Useful Post:

    karter  (15-04-2012)

  19. #80
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    NSW
    Posts
    362
    Thanks
    39
    Thanked
    112
    Reviews
    0
    ok, what he's doing is just a giant NO!!!!! Normal men can show love and affection for kids that is very appropriate, not like this stuff. Darl, this does sound worrying, no normal bloke would do this, they'd have more sense than that. Don't know what I can suggest, except don't leave your kids with that guy or in any situation he can be around them alone (like you said with your in laws alone etc)

  20. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Dragonia For This Useful Post:

    karter  (15-04-2012),laurea  (16-04-2012)


 

Similar Threads

  1. Has anyone ever moved a family member in to a home?
    By Ishtyban in forum General Chat
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 22-08-2012, 08:17
  2. TTC #1 and one family member not very supportive
    By Baby01 in forum Conception & Fertility General Chat
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 29-05-2012, 15:58

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Ro&Co
Share magical moments this Christmas with this gorgeous gingerbread house. Exclusively available in Brisbane, with FREE delivery in Brisbane Metro areas. Each Christmas Centrepiece is unique and made to order, from $240.
sales & new stuffsee all
Bub Hub Sales Listing
HAVING A SALE? Let parents know about it with a Bub Hub Sales listing. Listings are featured on our well trafficked Sales Page + selected randomly to appear on EVERY page
featured supporter
Life Fertility
Life Fertility Clinic is a boutique fertility clinic located in Spring Hill, Brisbane. Our dedicated fertility and IVF specialists offer professional, holistic, personalised options for the treatment of each patient’s specific needs.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!