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  1. #61
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    I too would find it disturbing if a woman did this to my children. Maybe that's because of my upbringing??? My family aren't overly affectionate people. And for family to be overly affectionate with my children would make me uncomfortable.

    Obviously the OP knows this person and the 'vibe' he is giving out, so reading this thread tells me that he is over stepping the bounds that she thinks are appropriate behaviors for interacting with her children.

    And Nazgul yes most definitely I would keep my kids away from anyone with a drug history.

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  3. #62
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    Quote Originally Posted by LillyPonds View Post
    And Nazgul yes most definitely I would keep my kids away from anyone with a drug history.
    All I meant was how would people possibly know if anyone had a drug history?
    Should I not have this baby cause I smoked pot when I was 16 once?

    I just feel as if a few people on this thread require a national security check for a family member to spend time with their niece or nephew.

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  5. #63
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    Nobody requires a national security check to be near children, the OP is just worried about the over the top affection from an uncle - and that's more than warranted. She shouldn't have to put her children in that position for fear of implying someone is a paedophile.

    If I feel uncomfortable around someone, I get the hell out of there. I don't see what's so bad about that.

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  7. #64
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    When my niece was born I was totally besotted by her, couldnt help but to kiss and cuddle her all the time, loved being around her every chance I got and missed her. I still love her to bits, but now I have two boys of my own so the love and cuddles have to shared

    However I agree to follow you instincts, so if you dont feel comfortable leaving your BIL alone with your kids, than do what you can to protect them.

  8. #65
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    I have found this thread quite interesting with regards to people's thoughts about this topic (and am glad you had a good talk with your DH OP - sounds like you've got a good plan going forward). For what it's worth, I would be somewhat concerned too and would be putting in place similar boundaries to what you have mentioned.

    There was a couple of comments that I would love some more info on.....

    Quote Originally Posted by GothChick View Post
    A mothers intuition is very rarely wrong.Varying degrees yes, but mothers intuition is there for a reason, to protect our children.
    I wish some mothers would have paid more attention to it.
    Really? Seems like a pretty broad statement. How do you know it's very rarely wrong?

    I agree that people should pay attention to their "intuition", but I also think that life experiences can throw out a persons "radar" about some things. As an example, I know I don't always trust my intuition regarding my DD's health as I have a tendency to over-react due to personal anxiety issues around this subject. I am not saying that intuition is often wrong, or that it's often right....just that you seem to have made a very broad statement and I am wondering where it came from and whether it's accurate.

    Quote Originally Posted by LillyPonds View Post

    And Nazgul yes most definitely I would keep my kids away from anyone with a drug history.
    A bit off topic, but LillyPonds I take this to mean that you would keep your kids away from anyone with a drug problem in the past.....even those who no longer have drug problems? who have been "clean" for a number of years? does it matter as to the type of drugs?

  9. #66
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nazgul View Post
    All I meant was how would people possibly know if anyone had a drug history?
    Should I not have this baby cause I smoked pot when I was 16 once?

    I just feel as if a few people on this thread require a national security check for a family member to spend time with their niece or nephew.
    In my experience family know family members who have drug problems. i'm not talking about the I smoked pot once when I was ..... I'm talking about someone who has had or has a drug problem.

    I understand where you are coming from though.

    Sajimum - Yes that is what I mean. Unfortunately I have had first hand experience with someone with a drug problem and I am very unforgiving in this particular area.

    I am only speaking from my own experience.

  10. #67
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    Quote Originally Posted by LillyPonds View Post

    Sajimum - Yes that is what I mean. Unfortunately I have had first hand experience with someone with a drug problem and I am very unforgiving in this particular area.

    I am only speaking from my own experience.
    Fair enough. I have never had first hand experience with this issue in someone I know well (though have worked in the area) so probably am coming from a different perspective. I guess from my point of view I think that associating with a person who has struggled with drug problems in the past may provide my DD with a broader perspective of the world and the difficulties some people face, as well as the type of skills/personal attributes/etc that may assist in overcoming these difficulties. Obviously this is not going to be the case with *every* ex-drug user, but think there might be some helpful lessons to learn from some.

    ETA: Sorry for going off topic!

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  12. #68
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    Sajimum - I can appreciate you perspective . And I guess we all have to go on what we all feel is best for our family. I would love to be able to be so forgiving but having had first hand experience with someone with a drug problem it really has had an effect on how I view those particular people with those problems.

    I guess I could be judging unfairly and I know not all
    ex-drug users are the same.

    Sorry off topic
    .

  13. #69
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    I never said to for the OP to ignore her instincts. Not once.

    Just keep your eyes open.

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  15. #70
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    Quote Originally Posted by LillyPonds View Post
    Sajimum - I can appreciate you perspective . And I guess we all have to go on what we all feel is best for our family. I would love to be able to be so forgiving but having had first hand experience with someone with a drug problem it really has had an effect on how I view those particular people with those problems.

    I guess I could be judging unfairly and I know not all
    ex-drug users are the same.

    Sorry off topic
    .
    I can definitely understand how your first hand experience has helped form your opinions (it does with all of us!). I am thankful that I have not had to experience anything like that, and sorry that you have....

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