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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by karter View Post
    My 35 year old BIL has shown an 'unhealthy' interest in my kids (and their cousins). He pushes normal social boundaries, kissing them constantly, offers to bath them, always wants to take the kids to the park alone, and always has to carry my 2 year old DD rather than letting her walk. When we're leaving he says "kiss on the lips for uncle ....". It makes me want to vomit!

    Every time we have a family get-together people always comment "oh, he's so good with kids isn't he?".

    I have no evidence that he's a pedophile but you can understand my concern. The way he acts around the kids is just not normal for a male that age.

    He has a history of major drug use. Supposedly he is now clean but the drugs have definately left some permanent brain damage... he often says inappropriate things in social situations, etc. So there's a chance that he is not a pedophile at all and simply doesn't understand normal boundaries with children. But I'm not prepared to take that risk.

    He is currently living at my in-law's so we can't avoid seeing him. I'm sick of following him around everywhere to keep an eye on my kids. And I can't let my in-laws babysit because I can't trust that they won't leave my kids alone with him.

    I know I need to talk to my DH about it. I have made a couple of comments to which he just says I'm over-reacting.

    Has anyone else been in a similar situation where you didn't trust someone around your kids? Any advice?
    I say follow your feelings and be very weary!

  2. #42
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    The first time I met dh father ( i was 18) I had an 'iffy' feeling.
    Two weeks later sil confessed to being abused by him since she was five.
    He is a convicted pedophile now and dh parents are divorced.
    We have chosen to have nothing to do with him.
    Mil checks in on him every now and then to make sure he's still alive.

    Apparently he used to do all of the things you mentioned, and it made me feel sick to my stomach reading this!

    I'm not saying he's a pedophile, but he is definitely crossing boundaries and needs to be told.

    As pp said, trust your intuition, it's usually right

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    laurea  (06-03-2012)

  4. #43
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    Go with your intuition! Look up pedophile and he fits ALL the signs

    Sent from my GT-I9000 using BubHub

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    laurea  (06-03-2012)

  6. #44
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    I would find the same behaviours by a woman just as concerning.

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  8. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bubbles10 View Post
    I would find the same behaviours by a woman just as concerning.
    Then I except you may be in the minority. Whenever I've acted like the guy in the OP (wanting to spend time with children, take them places, take care of them etc), people have gone on about how clucky I am.

  9. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by TOR View Post
    If this uncle was an aunty.. would there still be the same concerns? or is it just because hes a man who is friendly with kids that theres an issue. I agree gut instincts are there for a reason but sometimes our gut instincts come from other places rather than the actual issue.
    In regards to this and other people asking about the whole "if it was a woman" kind of thing. Yeah, even if it was an Aunty I'd probably creeped out. I'm thankful that no member of mine or DH's family act as the OP described.

    Good on you OP for addressing your concerns. I think everyone's given you great advice and whether he's a pedophile or not the fact you feel so uncomfortable is reason enough to take measures.

    Hopefully your decision won't cause too much backlash in yours and DH's families. It's better to be wrong and have your child safe anyway than the alternative.

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  11. #47
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    You can spend time with children without needing to bath them or kiss them on the lips..

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  13. #48
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    Actually while I think about it. Mothers intuition is there for a reason. It can obviously never be 100% spot on, but to ignore that instinct would be gut wrenching I think.

    We all on this forum have never met this woman. So of course we can never say for sure if he's a pedophile or not. My opinion is if this is playing on the OP's mind so much that she has to ask a bunch of strangers if they think her BIL's behaviour is disturbing, I definitely think her concerns are valid.

    I'm glad there's people who think this is all innocent, and I'm glad that there are EXTREMELY few people labelling him as a pedophile immediately. Most people contributing here are giving worthwhile opinions and experiences and they're all things for the OP to consider.

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    laurea  (06-03-2012)

  15. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by laurea View Post
    You can spend time with children without needing to bath them or kiss them on the lips..
    Exactly!

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    laurea  (06-03-2012)

  17. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by laurea View Post
    You can spend time with children without needing to bath them or kiss them on the lips..
    My family are all lip kissers. I always used to volunteer to bath my niece, I'd offer to take her for walks, i would snuggle with her. I would have been horrified to be called a paedophile. But I don't believe anyone would have, because I'm a woman. I do find that men who are affectionate with children are very easily labelled creepy or weird. I see it all the time on this forum.
    However, if his behaviour makes you feel uncomfortable, than it is your right as a parent to remove your child

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