+ Reply to Thread
Page 3 of 9 FirstFirst 12345 ... LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 82
  1. #21
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Perth
    Posts
    8,544
    Thanks
    1,351
    Thanked
    2,307
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by SassyMummy View Post
    To be fair, there's nothing wrong with wanting to bathe your nieces and nephews in general. I'm certainly glad my ex's sister didn't decide I must be a paedophile when I offered to bathe her babies.
    I think there is ap difference to someone occasionally offering and offering all the time.

    Uck. Wierd.

  2. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to sunnyflower For This Useful Post:

    karter  (06-03-2012),laurea  (05-03-2012),~ElectricPink~  (11-03-2012)

  3. #22
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Perth, WA
    Posts
    1,270
    Thanks
    376
    Thanked
    362
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by sunnyflower View Post
    Oh my goodness, this guy is screaming out he is a paedophiles, why would he be interested in bathing children. Run don't walk your kids away from this man.
    When we visit my family, my brother is always the one to bath DD. He is 21, is the most affectionate 21 year old I've ever known, especially considering the situations that went on in the house/environment we were raised in.

    There is nothing wrong with a male relative wanting to help out with kids. Honestly, if my dad paid half as much attention to DD as my brother does, I would have an aneurysm from excitement. It is this thinking that prevents grandfathers, fathers, uncles and other males that have children around them, not wanting to spend time with them.

    OP - mother's intuition is a powerful thing. Also, regardless of whether your BIL is dodgy or not, if you as the mother are not comfortable with it, then you need to do something about it. I had a similar problem with my neighbours crossing boundaries and not respecting my feelings about my DD.

    I do not speak or associate with them anymore as they could not respect my wishes and feelings.

  4. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Turk EnJayDee For This Useful Post:

    brogeybear  (05-03-2012),karter  (06-03-2012),OJandMe  (07-03-2012),SarahTamar  (06-03-2012),SassyMummy  (05-03-2012)

  5. #23
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Queensland, Australia
    Posts
    9,135
    Thanks
    3,609
    Thanked
    2,361
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Go with your instincts. I'd be telling DH (not asking, telling him) how you feel and if he thinks you're over reacting well too bad. That's his problem and he'll just have to get over it.

    Even if your BIL isn't a child abuser, like PP's have said he is still crossing boundaries in place for a reason. I agree with the advice of publicly saying "we don't kiss on the lips" etc...not just in public, but *to* your BIL. If he continues his behaviour once you've told him the 'rules' - I'd honestly cut all contact. I know that would mean your in-laws having to visit you and what not but it's worth it for peace of mind and your kids safety.

  6. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Pinkzy For This Useful Post:

    karter  (06-03-2012),Lansta  (14-04-2012),laurea  (05-03-2012)

  7. #24
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Adelaide
    Posts
    573
    Thanks
    90
    Thanked
    120
    Reviews
    40
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    A similar situation happened with our family. But a none family member he was actually was my brothers best mate (9yrs older then me 11yrs old them my sister). And I pointed out to may family that he wasnt right that he was a paedophile. Keep in mind I was 14yrs old at the time. They kept telling me to stop being rude blah blah blah but he had a 'unhealthy' relationship with my younger sister.
    Long story short he is now a convicted paedophile and my younger sister wasnt his only child he was with. He wrote my sister long love letters and such and well frankly it broke my family apart, what he did.

    So I would trust your gut feeling. Police can give you information and stuff in regards to it. But maybe worth just keep a eye on them at all times when he is around them.

    But generally if he is doing anything inappropriate a childs behaviour normally shows. They can get really upset and refuse to be around him and such. But worth getting information.

  8. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Missemzy For This Useful Post:

    BorrisWombatWife  (14-04-2012),karter  (06-03-2012),laurea  (05-03-2012)

  9. #25
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    740
    Thanks
    46
    Thanked
    31
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Regardless of if it is innocent or not, you don't like it and you are their mother. I believe in mother's intuition and if you feel its not appropriate for your family and children then thats your answer.

    I would probably just not let him bath them or kiss them all the time, like another said, "we don't do kisses on the lips" etc. is great. Also let the kids know that this is the new rule and maybe tell them to say "stop, I don't like it".

  10. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to raisingthree For This Useful Post:

    Bubbles10  (05-03-2012),karter  (06-03-2012),laurea  (05-03-2012)

  11. #26
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Glen Waverley
    Posts
    669
    Thanks
    523
    Thanked
    279
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Yeah, I'd go with my gut here, too. I think you may indeed need to get your DH on board, he needs to respect your wishes to keep the kids safe. I'd be asking him how he'd feel if anything bad DID happen. The idea of public pronouncements re boundaries is a good one, and one I know I'll use if I'm ever in your situ. It's nice when fam is affectionate, but considering the history in this fam, it's red-flag behaviour, for sure.

    Pedophile behaviour/abuse CAN 'run' in families, including the perpetration of covering it up, and this guy may (innocently) be repeating behaviour he's seen in his family or have boundary issues, or it may be something more. Keeping in mind the BIL may have been abused as a child or subjected to inappropriate behaviour, either way it's not something I'd want around my boy, either, and you are prudent to take this v seriously.

  12. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to BaronessM For This Useful Post:

    karter  (06-03-2012),laurea  (05-03-2012),MyLittleLilacTree  (01-04-2012)

  13. #27
    Eko's Avatar
    Eko is offline Acrobatic Dominatrix.
    Winner 2012 - Most Politically Correct Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    2,837
    Thanks
    1,083
    Thanked
    1,427
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Sounds sus.

    I'd be saying something, something along the lines of "We're very cautious because of a TV show we saw just recently about pedophiles and abusers. They recommended a few things, so we don't allow them to kiss on lips, have baths from anyone but dad or myself, or anything like that. It's just a rules that we've set so that if ANYONE does something strange, they know to tell us straight away and that they will NEVER be in trouble or be ignored. We have made it a rule so that we can keep them safe from absolutely anyone, even their teachers or afterhours carers. It makes it harder for people who just care for them, but it keeps them safe".

    That way he knows you're watching, that the kids feel safe to talk to you (so they can't be threatened into silence) and that the behaviour is not on without actually pinning it onto him directly.
    It also gives him a subtle way to stop the behaviour without actually acknowledging whether he is a pedophile or not. He can just say to himself that he is following your rules, not that he's been busted. And if he's NOT a pedophile, he won't feel like you're targeting him as one because it's a set of rules that you've given the kids for everyone and as good parents you have to enforce it with everyone for it to work.

    It sounds horrible but I'd rather have a pedo think they'd 'just escaped being caught' than have them actually try something on my kids.

  14. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Eko For This Useful Post:

    karter  (06-03-2012),Lansta  (14-04-2012),MyLittleLilacTree  (01-04-2012),~ElectricPink~  (11-03-2012)

  15. #28
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    221
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    51
    Reviews
    0
    sorry I but agree with everyone e else it sounds weird to me whether it be because he is a little damaged from the drugs or the other alternative. when we have our bub we are making it a rule that only persons to bath is hubby and myself and no lip kisses except us, plus I'm sure I'll have more.

    better to over react than not to react at all for fear of being wrong.

  16. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Newmum2012 For This Useful Post:

    karter  (06-03-2012),laurea  (06-03-2012)

  17. #29
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    2,085
    Thanks
    424
    Thanked
    599
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    My theory is that it is better to put a fence at the top of a hill than an ambulance down the bottom.

    He might just be a loving kinda guy but I really don't think it is worth the risk. Your daughters lives are far too precious to just 'hope' he is ok. That doesn't mean you have to stop seeing him but as previous posts have stated, boundaries need to be put down. Maybe just tell DH that you aren't comfortable with his current actions, you don't have to say anything about pedophilia. Then go from there.

    All the best!

  18. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to cheekychook For This Useful Post:

    karter  (06-03-2012),laurea  (06-03-2012)

  19. #30
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    2,843
    Thanks
    62
    Thanked
    432
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I have this issue with FIL. While I honestly don't think he would ever or has ever interfered with children I still feel overwhelmingly uncomfortable with my kids alone with him. It may be because he looks remarkably similar in looks, size, attitude etc as my abuser. Dh is aware of this and whilst he feels its over the top he doesn't make me feel guilty as he supportive of my fears. My inlaws know my history even FIL. Yet my instincts say no way. I am totally fine with contact just not alone contact. I am also not afraid to say if something they are doing doesn't suit me with my children.

    My suggestion. Talk to ur dh but be sensitive. Don't ignore ur feelings and address it with BIL that it makes you uncomfortable, no reason to give reasons only that it's not something that suits you.

    Hugs it awkward I know. :/

  20. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to 1CrazyMoose For This Useful Post:

    karter  (06-03-2012),laurea  (06-03-2012)


 

Similar Threads

  1. Has anyone ever moved a family member in to a home?
    By Ishtyban in forum General Chat
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 22-08-2012, 08:17
  2. TTC #1 and one family member not very supportive
    By Baby01 in forum Conception & Fertility General Chat
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 29-05-2012, 15:58

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Fridge-To-Go Australasia
Xmas with a NEW Fridge-to-go Lunch Bag! Fridge-To-Go Australasia
Fridge-to-go 8 hour cooler bags are ideal under the Christmas tree! Now in modern lunch bag designs - fill them with toys and chocolate to make parents and kids happy! Stay super cool and eat healthy and fresh food all summer long!
sales & new stuffsee all
True Fairies
True Fairies is the first interactive website where children can engage and speak with a real fairy through the unique webcam fairy portal. Each session is tailored to the child, and is filled with enchantment and magic.
Visit website to find out more!
featured supporter
Impressionable Kids
Impressionable Kids are Australia's leader in framed children's memorabilia and specialise in framed baby hand and feet sculptures. With franchise locations throughout Australia you can be assured you will receive a quality handmade product with a lifetime warranty on all frames.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!