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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlissedOut View Post
    My kids uncles do all of the things you've described and are the same age.

    Have you got any other reason than him being affectionate to his nieces/nephews to suspect anything or that's made you uneasy about it?
    Blissed out- No, I have no other reason to suspect anything. I realise that I am possibly over-reacting but I can't help it when it comes to my kids safety. I find his actions over-the-top for a single, childless, 35 year old male. His grandfather is a convicted pedophile which I know is not genetic but it's probably the reason it's on my mind.

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  3. #12
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    Witwicky is offline A closed mouth gathers no foot.
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    Trust your gut. Talk to your DH.

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  5. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by karter View Post
    Blissed out- No, I have no other reason to suspect anything. I realise that I am possibly over-reacting but I can't help it when it comes to my kids safety. I find his actions over-the-top for a single, childless, 35 year old male. His grandfather is a convicted pedophile which I know is not genetic but it's probably the reason it's on my mind.
    So then your husbands grandfather?

    I agree a lot with the instincts. It doesn't mean exclude him, but just set up boundaries.

    I wouldn't let my BIL do any of the above with the kids and I don't think he would even want to, but my husbands brothers and close cousins that we know well. Definitely. But that's based on instincts and how well I know them. They're also an exceptionally affectionate family.

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  7. #14
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    I would listen to your intuition, keep your distance and talk to your DH.
    Look, he may not be a threat but i think it's better to keep your distance and be wrong vs ignore your gut and have it turn out he is - it's a risk that isn't worth taking imo.

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    karter  (06-03-2012)

  9. #15
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    Oh my goodness, this guy is screaming out he is a paedophiles, why would he be interested in bathing children. Run don't walk your kids away from this man.

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  11. #16
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    I think you have a right to be concerned. As a survivor of sexual abuse i can tell you that part of the grooming process before the real abuse starts actually begins with excess touching maybe not enough to say for sure it's wrong but they definitely touch you more. And they build it up slowly over time to get you used to it so it doesn't seem like a big thing when they touch you somewhere else.

    Kissing a child on the lips particularly when it's not your own child is weird to me also.

    Trust your gut honey. It is FAR better to be safe than sorry paricularly when it comes to this sort of thing.

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  13. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by BerylsMum View Post
    Go with your gut.

    lets say , for arguments sake , he is not a pedophile.

    He still has boundary issues and an inability to act appropriately.

    thats enough to limit his time
    around the kids.

    My sister is not a pedophile but she has boundary issues so she is not
    allowed unsupervised rime with kids. she is 40.


    sent from brain to Iphone to BubHub~ a game of chinese whispers.
    I was just about to say the same thing. Regardless of if he is or isnt a pedophile if his behaviour towards your children makes you uncomfortable then you have every right to put a stop to it and he needs to be able to respect those boundaries. Please don't keep silent because you feel you are being rude. These are your children you don't want them thinking this is normal if it's not for you. imagine if someone else was trying to kiss them on the lips? And if it's ok for their uncle then it may blur the lines with regard to other people. (allthough i know it's not ok for uncle to do this either) just using it as an example.


    In any case he's acting inappropriately if it makes you uncomfortable. I know it would make me very uneasy.

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  15. #18
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    Yeah I would be very wary - I agree even if he's not a pedophile, not having or understanding normal boundaries with children would be enough for me to be very wary.

    I have an uncle who is awesome with kids, he's always picking up, tackling, cuddling & tickling my younger cousins. He takes a couple of my younger cousins camping alone most summer holidays. He has 1 child himself, 3 step children & 1 baby on the way. But never had any feeling he's anything more than just someone who loves kids.

    I think the actions you describe don't necessarily mean anything BUT that you've even raised the question is enough that I'd say be careful. Go with your gut.

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    He sounds like my Uncle.

    He was like this with all of his nieces and nephews, and tries it now on our children. He's never had kids of his own, never really had a long-term relationship, is really just a bit weird, etc. I have no idea if he'd ever molest a child or any such thing, or perhaps doesn't understand barriers... but either way, I am not comfortable with my child spending time with him. The only time she's seen him is when we've been at a big family get-together, and I keep close by and away from him. I don't want her to feel uncomfortable like I know I, and many of my cousins, did as children when he'd spend his time tickling us endlessly.

    I think it's better to be cautious and perhaps deny them a relationship with a perfectly harmless man, than to ignore your instincts and discover your feelings were there for a reason.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sunnyflower View Post
    Oh my goodness, this guy is screaming out he is a paedophiles, why would he be interested in bathing children. Run don't walk your kids away from this man.
    To be fair, there's nothing wrong with wanting to bathe your nieces and nephews in general. I'm certainly glad my ex's sister didn't decide I must be a paedophile when I offered to bathe her babies.

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