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  1. #1
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    Default Worried about 'creepy' family member around my children

    My 35 year old BIL has shown an 'unhealthy' interest in my kids (and their cousins). He pushes normal social boundaries, kissing them constantly, offers to bath them, always wants to take the kids to the park alone, and always has to carry my 2 year old DD rather than letting her walk. When we're leaving he says "kiss on the lips for uncle ....". It makes me want to vomit!

    Every time we have a family get-together people always comment "oh, he's so good with kids isn't he?".

    I have no evidence that he's a pedophile but you can understand my concern. The way he acts around the kids is just not normal for a male that age.

    He has a history of major drug use. Supposedly he is now clean but the drugs have definately left some permanent brain damage... he often says inappropriate things in social situations, etc. So there's a chance that he is not a pedophile at all and simply doesn't understand normal boundaries with children. But I'm not prepared to take that risk.

    He is currently living at my in-law's so we can't avoid seeing him. I'm sick of following him around everywhere to keep an eye on my kids. And I can't let my in-laws babysit because I can't trust that they won't leave my kids alone with him.

    I know I need to talk to my DH about it. I have made a couple of comments to which he just says I'm over-reacting.

    Has anyone else been in a similar situation where you didn't trust someone around your kids? Any advice?

  2. #2
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    hi, I dont want to comment on your BIL, could be all just a little odd, but nothing to worry about, however, I will say, I do think Mothers intuition is there for reason, and if you have 'gut feelings' dont ignore them. Take reasonable precautions, which you are regarding babysiting, and be aware when your children are around him. marie.

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    I think your concerns are very valid. Most sexual abuse towards children is perpetrated by family members, i think you need to do whatever makes you feel comfortable and secure, if that means restricting access to your children for certain people then so be it.
    Hopefully your BIL is just affectionate but you need to do what you feel is protecting your children from possible harm despite other peoples feelings or social expectations.
    That is being a great parent.

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    Don't take any risks when it comes to your kids safety. It's hard when you're worried about upsetting family members.

    I think you need to get your DH on board too... that way you have someone else to look out for your kids.

    Good luck!

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    I would put in boundaries to protect my kids. Say publicly, 'we don't do kisses on the lips' 'we don't make kids kiss anybody unless they want to'. 'DD wants to walk now, please do not pick her up'.

    the BIL s behaviour would concern me as well, and i would not be leaving my children with him.

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    Mother's intuition is what I always go on and to me it sounds as though your concerns are very real and valid to you and that's all that matters. So in that regard, I think the precautions you're currently taking are the right things to do in order to protect your children under the given circumstances.

    I also think what a PP said in regards to verbalising things such as 'we don't do kisses on the lips' etc is also warranted.
    Last edited by Mod-Uniquey; 05-03-2012 at 14:41.

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    Yeah - your 'spidey-sense' is tingling for a reason. Exactly what the previous poster said 'we don't kiss on the lips' 'let her walk please' and yeah - I wouldn't let my kids out of my sight - when it comes to my kids - I'd rather be ashamed of my thoughts and my intuition be ignored than have something happen to them.

    He might be great with kids but he doesn't need to be ... so 'full on'.

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    My kids uncles do all of the things you've described and are the same age.

    Have you got any other reason than him being affectionate to his nieces/nephews to suspect anything or that's made you uneasy about it?

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    Hi Karter

    You've gotten some great advise here. I guess just doing what a PP said about the "we don't kiss on the lips" etc... would be a good start.

    It sounds like your doing all the things I would be doing given your situation.

    But also some people are just affectionate people. I'm yet to meet a male who is that affectionate but maybe your BIL just is??? It's a possibility.

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    Go with your gut.

    lets say , for arguments sake , he is not a pedophile.

    He still has boundary issues and an inability to act appropriately.

    thats enough to limit his time
    around the kids.

    My sister is not a pedophile but she has boundary issues so she is not
    allowed unsupervised rime with kids. she is 40.


    sent from brain to Iphone to BubHub~ a game of chinese whispers.

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