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  1. #1
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    Default Children's dad doesn't want to see them anymore.. What to tell them?

    Okay so my husband and I have been separated nearly a year and we have two children together, DS (4) and DD (1). DS and dad are very close but DS didn't get to bond with him because we separated when she was six weeks old.

    DS has been spending equal time between the two of us and its been going really well. This arrangement has been in place for about six weeks and before that it was 3 nights a week with dad for DS and day contact for DD.

    Dad contacted me last week and said he thinks DS should be spending 4 out of 7 nights a week with him as he believes he is his "primary attachment". Obviously I don't agree and I refused to increase his time with him as equal time is enough and has been going really well. DS has settled and gotten into a routine. His daycare teachers have commented about how settled and happy he is and that there has been a marked improvement.

    When I refused dad has now decided he doesn't want to see them at all. If he can't spend 8 out of 14 nights a fortnight with him he doesn't want to see him at all. I just can't work it out because it doesn't make any sense to me?

    What should I tell DS when he asks for his dad? Normally he calls his dad twice a day when he is with me and his dad has told me he will not answer any calls from a private number (which I have) or from my mobile number. He wants nothing to do with us on "moral grounds that its wrong".

    I just don't know what to tell our little boy who is obviously so sad because he can't see his dad. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!! I am so heartbroken for our little boy because he just doesn't understand. And I am so angry at his dad for doing it to them.

  2. #2
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    That sounds completely immature. How long ago did he say that? Do you think he will really keep it up or is he just throwing an adult sized tantrum? How sad for your little boy

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    Hi There,
    It seems to me he is hoping you change your mind by saying that he does not want to see them anymore, but you have probably worked that out already. If i were you I would just stand my ground and keep the lines of communication open. If he really loves you son, and I am sure he does, he won't last long without seeing him.

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    He said this last Tuesday.. He was supposed to have DD on Wednesday and Friday and didn't pick her up from daycare. DS was supposed to go back to his place on Saturday and he sent me a message first thing in the morning saying because I wouldn't agree to the extra night a fortnight he wants nothing to do with the children because he said it would be on the wrong moral grounds - agreeing to the current arrangement of equal time when he wants it to be 4 nights with him and 3 with me. I just don't get it. And to make it worse he is a family law solicitor so he should know better. I think he will keep it up just to save face. I keep telling him its not about us, its about the kids but he won't listen. I just don't know what to tell DS because he's so sad and misses his dad terribly.

    He keeps lecturing me about being "child focused" and not doing what is best for them by not agreeing.

    When we've had disagreements in the past he has actually told our little boy "You can't come to dad's place anymore because mummy is being mean to daddy and we're fighting at the moment". I have said he shouldn't be saying ANYTHING to him about what goes on between the two of us but his response was that DS has a right to know whats going on. Grrrr

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    Definitely stand your ground. His 'moral grounds' are shaky at best. How can he pretend to have his children's best interests in mind if he refuses to see his son at all? He's punishing his son, not you. You get to have full care, how is that a bad thing for you?
    He's obviously not thinking straight. He'll start to miss his son soon enough and realise that you're not going to cave in. What a childish and mean spirited thing to do to your own kids

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    what else us there to gain for him if he gets that 4th night? parenting payments or something? a better shot at full time custody once your ds reaches school age maybe? i dunno it seems like something fishy is going on.
    id stand your ground with the ex. keep this well documented and keep the texts and other other proof showing his lack of contact at the moment just in case u need it.

    in the meantime id tell your ds that daddy is either sick or on holidays or at a big work meeting and he has no phone for a little while. an age appropriate answer for your ds that hopefully doesn't cause him any harm. i would not tell gimmick anything about what's going on he is way too young to understand.

    i think your ex is playing at something and will come round when he sees he won't win.

    do u have a custody agreement? is there any sort of mediator u can contact to a) attempt to resolve this and b) make it clear that u are the reasonable one with kids interests at heart in a legal documented appointment with someone official

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    I have kept every text message and email as well as documented / diarised everything. He would look VERY bad if it went to Court. He told me last Tuesday that he was going to take me to Court and I said that's fine, lets do it because I don't agree that its in DS best interests to be separated from me and his sister any more than he already is. I told him I had kept all the messages and emails and diarised everything and his response was "You're blackmailing me and you will run a smear campaign so I am going to walk away". I also invited him to mediation and he told me to eff off and that he wouldn't go to mediation with a moron.

    We don't have a formal agreement - we had Consent Orders with the Court waiting for them to be filed and he withdrew his consent last Tuesday.

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    Oh, so he became an 8 year old again? The conversation between dd and neighbour not 5 minutes ago "can I sleep over?" "no it's a school night, my mum said no but you can come in and play" "if I can't sleep over I won't be your friend at all" *storms off home* dd then says "she'll be back later" lol. It sounds like what he's doing, and will hopefully turn out the same way when he realises it hurts him and the kids far more than it hurts you for him not to see them. In the mean time for you and the kiddies.

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    Family law solicitor, eh?

    I would not trust him as far as I could throw him and would insist that all future dealings be in writing.

    He is positioning himself for future success. I would urge you to do the same with the aid of your own exceptional solicitor.

    P.S. What a selfish ****.

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    id find a mediator anyway and let them request he attend. if he doesnt looks really bad for him. if he does stand your ground. get a letter from your Ds preschool giving their opinion on how well the current situation appears to be working for your ds.



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