MIL or Daycare?

**Mischief** · 13-10-2006 12:41

Okay, its already decided that my MIL with watch Oliver when I return to work 2 days per week in December.

But.....

Would you prefer your bub to be in daycare or with your MIL? And WHY?

Understanding that I have not had a great relationship with my MIL. I would prefer daycare, but my hubby really feels that it would be better for Oliver to have one on one care, and I respect his decision, even though I have told him why I dont feel its a good idea.

**BlessedWithBlue** · 13-10-2006 13:02

Well for us my choice would be MIL2b. My reason, the kids absolutely adore her and she loves having them. We have a good relationship with her and she respects our wishes as parents.
Umm if we didn't have such a good relationship with df's mum i would maybe try one day at mil's and one day at day care iykwim??

**Mischief** · 13-10-2006 13:08

Unfortunately most daycare centers down here prefer if you use them at least 2 days per week.

I know MIL doesnt respect my decisions as a parent. Including having DS on a routine. But she has told Steven she will follow our routine, ect. So I really hope it works out.

I still feel so nervous and worry that she will fall out with us over something and I will be stuck for care.

**poshBecks** · 13-10-2006 13:12

To me it all depends on the age of the child. Under 18mths MIL, older than that, daycare.

**Niki** · 13-10-2006 13:12

i couldnt leave jake with my MIL, she doesnt know wats she is doing for a start, she doesnt let jake sit on the floor she has to hold him the whole time, he can only have soft rubber books to play with......and becoz she critises my parentign i coudlnt do it. i would rather put ds into childcare or find a friend to babysit him

**SammieSnail** · 13-10-2006 13:13

Oh gee that's a hard one Kat.

My DH feels the same about my mum so I too have been tossing around the idea in my head.

Could you maybe get her to start with the routine a few weeks before you start work so that if there are problems you will have time to find an alternative?

**CJJHRA** · 13-10-2006 13:14

not that my MIL would, shes too busy with her own life, I think I would prefer bubs to go to her, less illnesses, therefore less time off work, and they get to build a great relationship, where the bubs as they grow, if they cant go to mum and dad for advice, then they hopefully can go to nanna.. as long as there was no smoking around baby, and no smacking, and bubs seemed to be happy, I wouldnt worry too much about if her routine was different.. I think its good for kids to be able to adapt to different things.. teaching them not everyone is the same.. but there are certain things that do need to be agreed on, and thats what foods are a no-no and discipline methods.

just to add, in your poll you have Its constant and no worries about having a falling out I still think you can have a fallling out with childcare too, then if you dont like it, or bubs doesnt, you have to try find a new one. I would never send my kids to one of the childcare centres here after I saw how the after school pickup lady drives with KIDS in the van with her, it was disgusting!

Plus added that my kids hated daycare, but had no problems with attending school

**bec79** · 13-10-2006 13:15

Kat I was in your exact situation this time last year...although I was only returning to uni 3 days a week.
I too, don't have the best relationship with my MIL. We are civil and polite, but thats the extent of things.

I ummed and arred for weeks...I weighed up the pros and cons of each situation and still couldn't come to a decision.
I ended up letting MIL look after her. I had to put my own feeling aside, as she is her nanna, and it is good for them to begin forging a relationship. As much as it annoys me having to go around to MILs place three times a week, and make polite conversation, at least I know she is getting one-on-one care.
Sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision, as when dd goes to my sisters place (who has two boys), she has a ball playing with them.

I will consider a home-care mum when dd gets a bit older, as I feel she is to young yet. One up side has been that we have saved $$ not having to pay for care.

Hope my experience helps with your decision.

I agree with CJJHRA...your MIL needs to be clear about your expectations regarding discipline, food, etc.

Although I have found that even if they do agree, they tend to do what they want, (or rather what they did with their own kids), when you're not there anyway.

That really annoys me!!

**blessedmummy** · 13-10-2006 13:27

definately a family member for me!! i dont trust childcare centres these days at all! (well, not the ones here anyhow! yuck!!) my girls go to family day care which there aunty runs and shes the only one i trust, and the girls love it! they go mondays and wednesdays all day, and its great! i love it cause it gives me time out.

**Chicco25** · 13-10-2006 13:28

This is real hard one.

I work with my hubby and MIL in their family business and she watches my kids the 2 days that I work. I have a great relationship with my MIL, but she still chooses not to respect my parenting and my way of bringing up my kids. Her thinking is - "Under my roof, under my rules", which has caused conflict between hubby and myself.

I know my kids are in a safe environment and I have saved money on childcare I have now decided that next year that my daughter is at school full time I will be putting my son in daycare the 2 days that I work.

As they get older they are limited to the stimulation they get with nanna. In daycare there are certain activities which are specified to their age group which is educational and fun - with nanna they wouldn't be getting that.

So, I would be saying daycare - especially if she has already stated that she doesn't respect your parenting.

Hope it all works out

ciao
Anita