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  1. #1
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    Default SD come today. i feel anxious and sick and don't want to be here....help

    after what she keeps putting us through i justs don't want to be here. i have read text messages of how much she hates me, accusing me of saying i told her to die etc. when she is here she brings soooo much tension in the house because DH still hasn't got the ability to stand up and tell her no, she basically walks all over him. her behaviour is not ideal for my kids to observe.
    my sister has offered me and kids to stay there for the weekend. half of me says yes because i feel relaxed thinking about not being here. the other half says stay because hw dare she have the power to push me out of my own house.
    what would you do?

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    Keeping in mind that I have never been in your situation, but shouldn't you considering leaving for the weekend be enough to make your partner wake up to how bad the situation is and stand up to his daughter?

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  4. #3
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    I'd go to my sisters.
    More so to make it clear to DH that you won't put up with his lack of parenting when it comes to her.
    If he won't parent her, you and your kids shouldn't have to deal with the fall out.

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    that is my thinking too. i jsut want out of this for a while but know if i do then everything will fall completely apart

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    Ulysses is offline In the eyes of a child you will see...the world as it should be.
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    you poor thing.

    Your husband needs to support you on this. The only way to get through it in one piece is if he backs you up, helps you step parent (by doing his bit as well) & accepts that there will be tough times where you will need to band together more than ever.

    It must hurt reading those messages & deep inside I would imagine you would feel very angry towards her. Totally understandable.

    Your step daughter needs to learn to respect you, she also needs to learn the impact of doing the things she has done to any human being whether it is a parent, step parent, sibling or friend…words hurt & you can't take them back you can only repair the damage done to a certain extent, & she needs to learn that.

    From my perspective there you need to take a two pronged approach. 1) Get the support of your husband by having a very honest discussion (alone) about how this makes you feel & that as a result it impacts your relationship with him & her. 2) you need to find a way to resolve your own feelings about her….there is nothing harder than having to "get over" stuff & just continue as if nothing has happened. This child is not your daughter yet you are expected to love & look after her as if she is your own…a tough call especially when she is treating you this way. You will need to find great inner strength, remember that one day she will be an adult & that you will have a relationship with her for as long as you & your husband are together….so think to the future rather than short term. If things get too much then maybe suggest he take her away for her visit & let them discuss it on neutral territory & maybe he can get to the root of the problem. You leaving your house will probably only make you resent her even more….which is something you don't need right now.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ulysses View Post
    you poor thing.

    Your husband needs to support you on this. The only way to get through it in one piece is if he backs you up, helps you step parent (by doing his bit as well) & accepts that there will be tough times where you will need to band together more than ever.

    It must hurt reading those messages & deep inside I would imagine you would feel very angry towards her. Totally understandable.

    Your step daughter needs to learn to respect you, she also needs to learn the impact of doing the things she has done to any human being whether it is a parent, step parent, sibling or friend…words hurt & you can't take them back you can only repair the damage done to a certain extent, & she needs to learn that.

    From my perspective there you need to take a two pronged approach. 1) Get the support of your husband by having a very honest discussion (alone) about how this makes you feel & that as a result it impacts your relationship with him & her. 2) you need to find a way to resolve your own feelings about her….there is nothing harder than having to "get over" stuff & just continue as if nothing has happened. This child is not your daughter yet you are expected to love & look after her as if she is your own…a tough call especially when she is treating you this way. You will need to find great inner strength, remember that one day she will be an adult & that you will have a relationship with her for as long as you & your husband are together….so think to the future rather than short term. If things get too much then maybe suggest he take her away for her visit & let them discuss it on neutral territory & maybe he can get to the root of the problem. You leaving your house will probably only make you resent her even more….which is something you don't need right now.
    Really great advice! I couldn't have said it better myself
    Goodluck OP!

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