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  1. #1
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    Default how to deal with your ex when they are mentally ill

    my ex has a huge range of mental health problems... (divorced 2 years)

    he rings all the time (yet if I need to contact him about the children or ask when he's visiting them he won't answer text or phone calls).. I've been keeping a log the last week and he's called nearly every day.. most calls are just him needing somebody to speak to.. others are more aggrivating (wanting to move back in, wanting to rent a house in my townhouse complex, lies about getting large sums of money and wanting to buy a house for me).. meanwhile he's told me he only wants to see the children once a week but then he still hasn't been able to stick to those visitations..

    He rang late last night (while I was about to go to sleep.. I don't sleep well anyway) and told me he'd been sectioned.. when I asked what he was talking about he rambled on and on and said he's in a safe house (so he hasn't been sectioned? is that a lie?), then said he missed the kids and wanted to see them today (thursday).. he is a pathalogical liar and a prescription drug addict..

    he's out of my life.. I only have to see him for 5 minutes when he chooses to turn up on sundays (he said he can't come this sunday because he's been sectioned... lie?)... but I can't deal with the constant mental manipulation and phone calls... he throws this stuff out there like 'I don't want to see the kids during the week' or 'I'm having a breakdown' or 'I've been sectioned' he's just so messed up.. I try really hard not to be drawn into his messed up world.. I'm getting better at just saying 'fine.. you won't see the kids sunday... speak to you later' and I have to pretty much hang up because he won't stop talking..

    I feel this is a form of mental abuse tbh... the calls, waving money in my face (he was abused as a child and reckons he's getting a pay out from the catholic church.. all of which is probably a lie).. last week my car was flooding from the rain and I was really stressed about the cost of getting it fixed.. then he phones and starts the conversation off with 'I just have one quick question for you.. do you want me to give you money for a car or a deposit on a house?'... he's mental and he's stressing me out.. I've put the phone down but he's so messed up that if you get short with him or firm he carries on worse than before will phone calls and texts 'what's wrong with you? why are you mean to me?' etc.. I can't win. I can't get rid of him. I can't deal with him. I can't screen his calls (he sometimes rings as Private but some of my friends come up as Private as well and why the hell should I stop answer my phone!)... is there anything I do? restraining order re phone calls/texts/emails? I just think that will make him worse...

  2. #2
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    Maybe call Legal Aid for Advice? Has he ever been seen by a doctor to be diagnosed or anything?

    It must be so draining to deal with his Bizzare behavior

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    Quote Originally Posted by *sparky* View Post
    Maybe call Legal Aid for Advice? Has he ever been seen by a doctor to be diagnosed or anything?

    It must be so draining to deal with his Bizzare behavior
    I've already used legal aid when I did the divorce (he refused to participate in any mediation or divorce stuff) so can't use them again.

    he has been diagnosed with compulsive lying and other stuff that I don't know exactly.. he told me they have said he's suffering from depression and they want him to go into the mental hospital but he's not sure he wants to go.. hard to know what the truth is..

    he's supposed to see the children 3 times a week but then said a few weeks ago he didn't want to see them any more until once on a weekend.. but has only been able to stick to that once so far. so re the children.. i'm not sure if he's lying, dangerous to himself or children or what.. I don't know what to do or if I should take any action? so confused. I'd have to pay a socilitor and I can't afford it. I don't want him to stop seeing the children or take their father away from him but I don't know if I have any rights to ask to see his medical records? so confused... and stressed...

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    What a tough situation you are in. If it were my kids in this situation I would be concerned enough to follow it up to make sure that he is *well* enough (for want of a better term) to be caring for them properly when he does see them - but I am not sure what the procedure would be. Are there legal advice lines you could call? You certainly won't have the right to see his medical records though (unless he provides consent).

    I am sorry to not be any help, but wanted to say that I think you're right to be concerned and hppefully someone can offer advice about your options from her on in.....

    Edited to add: Sorry, just realised what section this is in...I am not a single parent - hope you don't mind me responding.
    Last edited by sajimum; 01-03-2012 at 12:58.

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    that's okay - I don't mind you replying (any advise is appreciated)

    I rang my solicitor yesterday and he said he is going to write to him and tell him he has to tell us what is going on otherwise we're going for supervised visits. I hope this isn't like kicking a hornet's nest but fingers crossed it works..

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    That sounds like a good idea. (I'm not single either btw I just saw the thread and felt any advice could be helpful)

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    I would purchase a prepaid crappy phone and tell him you have a new number. My psych suggested this for me to be able to control the communication attempts and to choose when I want to speak to him. I've no other advice, just wanted to mention that and send support and hugs

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    hi there,

    I'm not a single mummy but am a person who suffers with bipolar although I'm medicated.

    It sounds as if he has bipolar too beacuse bipolar people tend to go to extremes. He sounds like he is in the middle of a manic episode and it is very hard to deal with a person in a manic episode, we can be very irrational but we think we are fine and everyone else is crazy.

    I think the best way to deal with this is having minimal controlled contact. Like a pp poster said.

    a) get a cheap phone and say that your numbers been changed
    b)screen your calls
    c) tell hime that you will only be speaking with him at set times and stick to it, even though I know this will be hard.
    d) get a restraining order against him as people suffering a mental illness can be dangerous not that I want to scare you but I do want you to be safe.

    All the best honey, I'm sorry that you are going through this and I hope that he gets help soon.

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    Quote Originally Posted by fakingamnesia View Post
    I would purchase a prepaid crappy phone and tell him you have a new number. My psych suggested this for me to be able to control the communication attempts and to choose when I want to speak to him. I've no other advice, just wanted to mention that and send support and hugs
    I second this advice. Put yourself in control of how and when he contacts you.

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    The prepaid phone is a great idea!

    I also think you've done the right thing in contacting your solicitor. Ultimately, you need to have some idea what's going on to ensure that the kids are safe in his care when he takes them. Things might get worse (i.e kicking the hornets nest like you said) for a bit unfortunately as they sometimes do before they get better. If he keeps hassling you a restraining order might be something to look into - not sure how that works with things like supervised visitation/dropping off kids/etc


 

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