Can't be bothered anymore.

[Out To Pasture]

I have posted about my mother twice before. The first one being about her living with us, second was about us asking her to leave, and about her/our past.

This one, well. I have decided I am no longer going to talk to her.
Why? Where to start...

Since being pregnant with baby no2. My mother has distanced herself further and further with each passing month. In the hopes to repair our already damaged relationship, I invited her to some of my midwife appointments, to make her feel that she is apart of my life still, even with everything that has gone on.
The first appointment, she backed out of, because she was ill. I was fine with that, I knew she was going through alot of health issues. The second one, she told me she couldn't cause she was working. Ok... Well I rung her up that afternoon, to tell her how the appointment went, and she pretty much told me that she had the whole week off. Don't know if she had simply forgotten she had told me she was working. But either way, she lied to me to get out of it.

During the Christmas period, I told her the name we had chosen for our baby, and the initials are D.O.D. DH and I do not care about initials, mainly cause... you hardly sign anything that way. But for some reason my mother pointed it out, and then said "Dead on Delivery." It made me feel sick. My sister had a go at her.

As the new year has progressed, conversations with her on the phone, continue to become one sided. I talk, and she sounds distracted, or like she just isn't interested in anything I am saying...

It became bizarre when my sister in Canberra called me, to tell me some rather sad news. Apparently she had miscarried last month, at 8 weeks of pregnancy. Meaning she was pregnant when I saw her at Christmas time. Apparently my mum was rather insensitive and apparently sounded like she didn't care. Which has torn up my sister pretty bad, because my Mum has always been my sisters white knight during her darkest hours, and as a result, she hasn't coped since as she feels that she has no support.

Today, after some unforeseen changes, I may have an issue having someone take care of my DS, when ever I am to go in to labour. SO... I asked my Mum if she wouldn't mind giving us a hand and taking care of him, when the time came. She pretty much knocked me back, and said... Not until later next week... Oh and she isn't going to be seeing me in the hospital now either..
I got off the phone.. and simply sat there a few moments, and cried.

What the hell is her problem?
I can't believe how she is being.

My DH has pretty much told me to stop calling her, as she is only upsetting me now. And that the woman has shown very little interest in our lives.

[River Song]

hug

i agree with your hubby...if you stop calling...will she ever call you?

I think, sometimes, we need to chose the people we call family...not just accept the ones that are given to us.

I hope you find someone who can care for your DS...i am sure a friend might be able to be on call for you?

Good luck with your lil ones birth...focus on how wonderfully exciting that is and forget that person, she is not worth your tears (although, i know i would cry a lot of tears too before moving on and forgetting she existed).

[waterlily]

I agree with smiley.

I'm so sorry babe. This is not fair! You are an amazing person and I don't know why your Mum is acting like this but it is her lose!! You did so much for her and your sister. It's not fair that she walks all over you.

Let me know if you want to talk, I'm always here. x x x x

[Out To Pasture]

hug

i agree with your hubby...if you stop calling...will she ever call you?

I think, sometimes, we need to chose the people we call family...not just accept the ones that are given to us.

I hope you find someone who can care for your DS...i am sure a friend might be able to be on call for you?

Good luck with your lil ones birth...focus on how wonderfully exciting that is and forget that person, she is not worth your tears (although, i know i would cry a lot of tears too before moving on and forgetting she existed).

The most I get from my mum when she wants to communicate, is a txt message, asking me to call her. Or to ask me a quick question.
I used to call her once a week, and I am now calling more on a fortnightly basis..

[Witwicky]

Hey Brood Mare,

I remember your mother issues from a while back and i'm sad to see it is ongoing

I am so sorry you are experiencing this, particularly so close to your labour. I can understand that you would be feeling quite upset and stressed out. I have to agree with your DH - I think you should stop calling her and just focus on yourself and your little family that you have there. Is it possible to make alternative arrangements for the care of your DS? Do you know anyone else who can help out?

I have to agree with Smileygirl - sometimes we really do need to choose who we call family. It's not right to allow someone to treat you poorly just because you are blood related.

Sending you lots of hugs

[Out To Pasture]

The original plan kind of fell through.
My MIL from SA was coming to take care of DS. But due to a whim to go to Scotland out of the blue, she has no leave now to come over.
My DS is coming down with something, and our back up, may not take care of him incase he infects their children.
I have contacted a friend who lives a distance away, she is happy to do it.
Aaand my step sister wants to help if she can, so I think I can come up with something.

Just more annoyed that our solid plans of 6 months have been unraveled in just 24hrs.

[Out To Pasture]

I agree with smiley.

I'm so sorry babe. This is not fair! You are an amazing person and I don't know why your Mum is acting like this but it is her lose!! You did so much for her and your sister. It's not fair that she walks all over you.

Let me know if you want to talk, I'm always here. x x x x

I really don't know what's changed in her, but she has become really unpleasant...