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  1. #11
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    When my DS was staying at FOB's house he was much the same - fed junk, no sleep, no boundaries.

    There was nothing I could do about it, FOB just had to learn the hard way when he had to deal with a tired, grumpy boy the next day.

  2. #12
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    One of my kids was 2 when my ex and I split and I know for a fact that there were some things that he allowed and I didn't and vice versa. Par for course really. However, what he did with the children while they were in his care was none of my business just as what I did with the children while they were in my care were none of his business.

    It can annoy you till the cows come home but at the end of the day you don't have a right to dictate to him anything. Suggest by all means (which is what you're doing which is great) but at the end of the day if he doesn't do what's suggested and lapes here and there - you don't have the right to dictate anything. But the opposite is true for you too, if he was unhappy with a way that you were parenting he doesn't have the right to dictate to you either, so it goes both ways.

    All you need to do is do the best you know how when she's in your care. Mention certain things to him....hope he puts them into play...but if he doesn't then there's nothing you can do other than just continuing the way you parent.

    My 2 year old is now 8....she happily goes to bed at 8pm when I tell her to, on school nights so nothings been 'ruined' by the lapses in parenting on my ex's part. He dropped the ball a few times when it came to her toilet training too....yet now, at 8 she never wets her pants or bed or anything. Children are a lot more resiliant than we give them credit for and any lapse in parenting that we have from time to time really don't affect them all that much in the grand scheme of things.

  3. #13
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    tiggerfields is offline Priestess of Kult K'iesha... Mooo!
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    I've been sharing custody of DS since he was 15 months. He's now nearly five and a half. Ignore those posters banging on about how bad shared custody is for the under-fours, that's completely unhelpful for you, and as I and PPs have found, it can work perfectly well. Don't feel guilty ok, this is hard enough without that.

    Agree with PPs that unfortunately, what happens at his place is out of your control. Somehow over time you'll need to learn to let go. It's not nice and can be horribly frustrating (enraging!) at times but for your own sanity you'll need to find a way.

    Sounds like you have a great relationship with the ex, good for you. I'm sure DD will handle it just fine, and as others have said they quickly learn there are different rules for different places.

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by tiggerfields View Post
    I've been sharing custody of DS since he was 15 months. He's now nearly five and a half. Ignore those posters banging on about how bad shared custody is for the under-fours, that's completely unhelpful for you, and as I and PPs have found, it can work perfectly well. Don't feel guilty ok, this is hard enough without that.
    what works for one child, won't work for the next. I have a 2 year old who freaks out if I move the couch because he can't cope with change. Shared parenting going well depends on level of communication between parents, keeping thing consistent and level of conflict. Louellyn (sp) who posted about shared care for under 4s deals in family law so would be well versed in this subject

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    Thanks for all the replies so far and thanks for sharing your experiences as well. Really helps me gain perspective as this is a so new to me. And ex and DD.

    As far as bad meals etc go I'm not too concerned with that as we have discussed her eating and he said he and his parents sat down and did some meal planning to accommodate DD's tastes and preferences and overall she is a really good eater so I'm not concerned then. I told him if he/his parents give her the occasional snack or they have lazy night and eat take away or deep fried oven foods and what not, I don't mind and we've discussed it's not something we feel is an issue with either parent as we're both ok with what she should be eating, what she wants to eat and what she will eat so we are all on the same page there.

    I am aware that last night with this OP that I probably was/am being a tad too sensitive as I am overwhelmed with all these changes that are currently happening and learning to let go of control is probably going to be my biggest struggles.

    I was going to say something else but I've completely forgotten what it was lol


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    I know exactly your worries!!

    My ex and I split after a long-term relationship when I was still preg and I have raised DS as the sole parent so when it comes to sleep overs it's my way or the highway as im the expert thank you very much !! For this reason I don't allow sleep-overs yet and luckily for me he is ok with that for now (DS is 18 months). Even after a day spent with his family DS is overtired and nutty due to lacking day nap and/or getting woken up when napping.

    How you feel is completely justified and everything in your words is concerned with your son's well being. I know how crucial routine is and how utterly frustrating when others don't follow it so by all means you are not over-reacting. If he insists on having DD overnight then maybe do as a pp said and go yourself at first until she falls asleep and gets used to the routine there.

    Good luck x

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    I just asked Mum. Dad and her separated while she was pregnant with my youngest sibling, my other sibling was 3 and I was 7.

    She said that although Dad and her had entirely different parenting styles, we quickly got comfortable with 'this is acceptable at Dads, this isn't acceptable at Mums' as a concept and it generally worked.

    She also said to enjoy your freedom, have long baths, have wine and chocolate for dinner and recharge while she's not there. Lol.

    All the best and don't stress it too much.

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  9. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by tiggerfields View Post
    Somehow over time you'll need to learn to let go
    This depends if you both raised DD together until now or if you raised her alone from the start because their two completely different situations. In my situation I call the shots as I'm the only parent he identifies as a parent if you get what I mean.


 

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