Friendship

[shelle65]

You sound like a really good friend and it's great you provided so much support when your friend needed it.

Just to provide another perspective though - even though she may be "doing well" as a single mum, it doesn't sound like her struggles are over at all. Even when you have your life together, being a single parent is still exhausting, scary, a huge responsibility and a huge effort every. Single. Day. With four kids, a job, probably no support from the father given the history of DV... wow she deserves a medal just for making it through each and every day.

I'm "doing well" as a single mum - work full time, comfortable financially, have time to myself when DD goes to her Dad's every second weekend... and there are many many days where I feel like everything is going to fall apart and if one tiny thing goes wrong the whole house of cards is going to come crashing down. And I only have one child! I have no idea how your friend does it with four and a past experience with DV.

So while it sucks that she can't be there to support you, and you no doubt deserve that support, try not to take it personally.

[tiki]

hey girls...yep well I know exactly what you mean....I don't want to take it personally but at the end of the day, I just can't help it Californication, it wasn't with other two friends, I think there's a little misunderstanding there - its only happened, albeit briefly over maybe three weeks or so, with just that one friend and the one sms that I sent her and that was it.

I know its a real struggle being a single mum, I'm not trying to make that sound like a light load at all, absolutely no way. All the things I described are the physical things, the mental health and emotional health still has work...and it will be so for a long time...and it has been two years...and there are still ongoing issues I can imagine.

But I don't know...I just can't help thinking that I don't want to throw my friendship away because of it but then I think of all the time invested emotionally, even actually having a breakdown when a mutual friend betrayed us with private information to her ex husband...when I think of all this and how I held her hand...I can't help but think, could it hurt that much for you to at least listen....sorry for sound like such a whinger, but it was a real true friendship, it wasn't the type that you get very often at all...

[tiki]

Hey everyone, just wanted to thank you all so much for your words of advice...I came looking for this thread because I wanted some time to pass and really think about the situation, and to see if I was going to feel the same way after a bit of time.

She sent me another text message a few weeks ago, saying that she was thinking of me. It was literally a one sentence msg, so I replied back politely but that's it. Its over.... In one of the posts, someone mentioned that I shouldn't take it personally - you are 100% correct. But like everyone else from time to time, things happen to the strongest of us too and that there are things that you just can't confide in with anyone and everyone either. In life, sometimes you have to deal with people you don't want to, and even you need to give up something of your own to make someone else happy, even for a little while. This is life and this friend really wasn't prepared to budge in anyway. Perhaps a reflection of her selfishness or perhaps a reflection of her pain, and maybe a bit of both which is what I think truly is.

Friendships only work when there is a balance, and even if it weighs heavier on one side, the other has to give a little back too - it doesn't have to be the same thing either. Its really that simple.

[sunnyflower]

[tiki]

Thanks sunnyflower

[tiki]

Hi everyone,

I went travelling overseas not too long ago - whilst I was away she sent me an email and I emailed her back saying that I wasn't in the country.

She has called me again.Today.

I know she wants to keep the friendship - what should I do?

[SuperGranny]

hi tiki, I would just go with the flow. If you are feeling strong enough to not Need her friendship, then what harm in letting the friendship continue. I agree with the quote " some people come into our lives for a reason, or a season, or for keeps". Friendships are meant to be 'give and take', so if you feel strong enough, let the past be over, and see where this part takes you. marie.

[GluttonForPunishment]

Have you told her how you feel? That might be a start.

[Honeymoonbub]

Why not just sit down and have a chat with her? You have nothing to loose at this point, and the potential to clear up any misunderstandings and gain a friendship back. My policy is always honesty. Don't say you did this and you did that. Just say that I felt this and I felt that. That you needed a friend and you were hurt that she wasnt there for you. She may have a good reason, she may have been oblivious, or she will disregard what you say and it will make your decision easy.

Some friendships are best to let go, some are worth fighting for. Why not have a heart to heart and see which one she is once and for all.

[tiki]

Hi everyone

I've been writing a letter to her, and it has been so hard. I can't help but feel to say you did this and that...and yes she has called me again, but I have a feeling that was probably the last time. She has reached out plenty enough...I'm going to send it to her tonight..it is so hard when she also has sat and made comments in the past about where I live. It is a low socio-economic area and it doesn't help that I have a had huge battle trying to do the best with what I've got. My activities and social life with my friends are always outside of my area because there are such limited things that one can do here and
and
and
I can go on...I have harboured these feelings in my heart because I gained so much from the friendship.....but I feel like I owe it to her and to myself to tell her at least why and the things that have contributed to make feel this way.