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  1. #41
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    Oh yeah I hated this.. All my friends babies were easy and both of mine were awful. SS started sleep all night at 14 months 1 month before dd was born. She took even longer to sleep through (about 2 years) both waking at least 3 times a night. Between kids I was working full time and ds would scream for hours after getting home..

    I cut a friend out because she had turned to a few other friends saying that I didn't know what I was doing cause having 2 babies was so easy and I had to be doing something wrong.. Goodbye to that one..

    Every baby is different and we as mothers need to be supportive and not put anyone down.

    Love and support your friends don't bag them out

  2. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by Minchi View Post
    My dd has never slept thru and she's 3!!! some nights she wakes up every 2 hours and even wakes up ds who is 17 mths old... both have good and bad moments, and in the shops dd is one of those annoying screeching kids. I have this one friend whose ds is ""perfect"" according to her. he sleeps in a single bed, no bed guards EVER, he doesn't have the bottle, or dummy and apparently toilet trained with no accidents (or overnight accidents) in about 5 days.... whatever. personally, her ds is the most antisocial twit of a child I have ever seen. For a kid that has been going to daycare since he was 3 mths old, you would expect him to be more of a social child with other children around the same age... but noooooo.... this kid NEVER shares his toys and constantly cries when the parents have other company around.... Then another friend told me when they visited them, this kid wet himself twice.... (i thought he was perfectly toilet trained?!).... I have come to the illusion that this friend lives in lala land.
    What a terrible thing to say. By all means, disagree that their child is "perfect", but anti-social twit? What if, as another PP suggested, he has ASD? Even if he doesn't, it's plain rude.

    I have posted in here about my DD being extremely difficult at the best of times, but that comment was beyond nasty. Especially in the fact that it's not your child.

  3. #43
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    I don't think such a thing as an 'easy' baby. However I do think it helps to look on the bright side. I'm sure that those ladies babies are not easy in all respects, however they are focussing on the positives of what their babies do do well.
    I had a very colicy hard to feed baby, however whilst I might mention it to my friends (for advice,) I would not focus on it. I would focus on the fact that between feeds she was a happy baby who loved interacting with people.
    Focussing on the positive aspects definatly helped me to feel better about my baby instead of focussing on the hard parts.
    They grow out of being 'difficult' and then they decide on something else to test you.I think it's just babies, thats what they do.

  4. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by MothersMilk View Post
    I think people are being a bit hard on OP, she said she hated this (as in the fact she didn't get an easy baby when others did) not that she hated them - there is a difference. She said she stopped speaking to them for the time being (not forever) because she is feeling upset and needed a break from hearing about their easy babies - a good move imo to have some time out if you are feeling a bit depressed/upset so you can deal with those feeling before seeing them again.
    OP please tell them you are struggling if they don't know, if they do then it really sucks that they are continually talking about their easy babies in front of you, that's insensitive. They should be able to talk their babies and not hide that it is easy but a bit of sensitivity would be nice - going on and on about it doesn't help. Maybe they really don't understand, maybe you could explain how you feel having a hard baby, maybe they might be willing to help you out.

    Thanks for your reply.. im glad you picked up on the fact that i dont hate my friends and dont want to cut them out permanantly... but i do need a break from them..even for 1,2 months because im not kidding when i say i will get clinically depressed if i dont.. and i definatly dont want that!! and i do answer their calls or msges when they contact me...but i dont initiate calling them ...
    i know the time will pass.. but i just had to get my feelings out or i would explode... didnt realise people wouldnt like it! oh well...

  5. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by samar81 View Post
    Thanks for your reply.. im glad you picked up on the fact that i dont hate my friends and dont want to cut them out permanantly... but i do need a break from them..even for 1,2 months because im not kidding when i say i will get clinically depressed if i dont.. and i definatly dont want that!! and i do answer their calls or msges when they contact me...but i dont initiate calling them ...
    i know the time will pass.. but i just had to get my feelings out or i would explode... didnt realise people wouldnt like it! oh well...
    Sorry OP I was upset at another poster implying babies/children are imperfect and calling toddlers horrible names. I also think it muchly depends on how you define easy.

  6. #46
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    No baby is ever easy, my DD self-settled from 4 months, took to solids like a champ and was fiercely independent. My DS has only just started self-settling at 1, he still prefers breastfeeding over solids, and is so clingy.

    I thought DD was hard work but before I had DS I had no idea! Yesterday we went to the park with friends and I was so happy that DS had 2 spurts of playing with the other children without me, both were less then 10 minutes. If DD had only played for 2 short spurts without me when she was DSs age I would have been so upset.

    I tend to only talk about the positives with DS except to a small group of friends who I really trust, and my mum. I'm sick of talking about his crap sleep and constant feeding to people who don't understand why I don't just CIO or schedule his feeding or wean him. So yup I brag about his walking or post lots of pictures.

    It's hard work being the one with the 'bad' baby but sometimes people with easy babies just don't understand how hard it is. Your friend probably is tired after waking at 3am, especially if she's not use to it.

    Have you spoken to your friends about how this all makes you feel?

  7. #47
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    I think sometimes parents forget that their baby has only been on this Earth for such a short time - we still have a LONG way to go when it comes to parenting. There's still childhood, pre-teen, teen, young adult. We haven't failed nor succeeded yet - it's not over!

    All babies are different, comparisons don't help and I think your friends are being really insensitive if they are bragging and know you're struggling

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    RunningWithScissors  (29-02-2012)

  9. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by samar81 View Post
    Im sick of knowing about mums with easy babies!!! 2 of my friends have bubs close to DDs age and all i've heard is howeasy they were to feed,havnt had to deal with colic/reflux, learned to self settle themselves and started sleeping through the night at a young age...all the while i've had to deal with poor weight gain,colic, reflux, extremy hard to put to sleep and still waking 1-2hrly at night !!
    I HATE this !!! i've stopped talking to both friends for the time being as its making me depressed and stressed out hearing about their ''easy'' babies. just feel cheated that i cant enjoy my mum time like they have due to constant crying and exhaustion...
    >>>>> i am so glad you posted this!!!!
    Same crap happened to me! Maybe, just maybe, they will have really horrible monster toddlers and you will have an angel. I think it's better to run thru the hard yards when they are tiny because u sort of buld up skills to cope in stressfull situations later on when bubs is older. I hope you can get thru this hard bit and dont be affraid to admit you have a difficult bub's, there is nothing wrong with that, it's normal. Remember that alot of parents wear a "parenting mask" and "forget" to talk about the bad bits.
    Your friends may be struggling, but not admitting it to either themselves or anyone else - that's a problem!
    Goodluck it will all be worth it, hang in there

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  11. #49
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    I don't think it's about not admitting it, maybe they are sick of talking about it. I talk about my son's sleep every single time I talk to my mum because she understands what I'm going through, I'm not going to bring it up at Playgroup because I'm sick of talking about it and want to talk about something else. So to others it might seem like I have a good sleeper because I might say "I feel like we got so much done this morning" or "what a feeling DS let me sleep in until 6.30 this morning!" what I'm not saying is "he's cutting 3 teeth and woke me up every 3 hours taking an hour to resettle, my husband is away with the army so I have no help so when he woke the toddler at 2am while he was screaming in pain boy did I have a juggling act on my hands, gosh did I need that extra hour in bed this morning otherwise i would be sleeping under the table instead of participating in this craft project, pass the coffee please before I slip into a exhaustion-induced coma."

  12. #50
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    I completly agree that we tend to put on a ''parenting mask'' at time and that ppl with good bubs tend to discuss the good parts more , even though they occasionally have bad moments that they rather not discuss. I also tend to talk about all the good things with the general family and friends..its only close family and few friends who i talk to about the difficult moments..
    i guess we all are thankful for the good momets and want to tell everyone about them ..like last week DD slept for 5hrs straight (shes 6m) for 3 nights in a row...i was SOOO happy ! and than i went and told everyone and jinxed myself ..we were back to 1hrly waking on night 4 ..


 

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