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  1. #1
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    Default Advice needed - keeping toddler in bed

    DS is 20 months & for the last month has been in a single bed with a rail. For the first week & a half it was smooth sailing but the last few weeks have been very trying as he has sussed that he can get out of bed himself. His bedtime routine is shower then a book & then he gets put to bed. It can take anywhere from 30 mins (on a good night) to an hour & a half (the longest yet) to get him to stay in bed & go to sleep. He gets up constantly, over & over, sometimes within half a minute of having been just put back. It's driving us insane. He's usually fine with naps, it's only with night time sleeps.

    We have tried cuddles & softly, softly approaches which haven't worked & are now saying "bed" firmly & just putting him in his bed. He either laughs, cries or gets up again anyway.

    We'd love some tips or advice on what other parents have done to overcome this. Before offering advice though, its worth knowing we won't smack & won't shut his door to lock him in (he has toys in his room anyway & I don't want him to associate going to his bed or room as a bad thing) - same with putting up a baby gate. So any ideas that don't involve these are welcome.

    Putting him back into a cot isn't an option either.

    TIA!

  2. #2
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    I've just posted a very similar question in sleeping and settling (with the same problems of not willing to CIO or CC or anything like that),
    Ds is also in a single bed and just wont stay there either.

    Very interested in what others say

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    Is the child tired when you put them to bed? Perhaps they aren't ready to go?

    I don't believe in the control crying or any of that jazz either, but I do have my 16 month old in a toddler bed (low car bed so he can't fall out) which can easily climb in and out of. We transitioned him to the bed when he was just over 14 months due to moving house, new sibling due soon and his sudden refusal to sleep in his cot (or play in his cot or even stand next to the darn thing ).

    I find that he climbs in and out when he isn't fully tired. When he is tired, he will walk into the room himself, climb up on the bed and wait for me to come cuddle and say goodnight, and then he's out like a light (all night).

    We do have a safety gate on his room door though, purely for the safety aspect if he was to wake up earlier than us, and we not hear him, we have an open plan home and I think I would deem it too dangerous for a toddler to have free reign with no supervision. The safety gate also works for the case if he's not entirely ready to go to sleep, then he will play with his toys for a little bit and then climb up onto his bed and go off to sleep when he's ready. (this has only really happened a handful of times though, and then only for 10-15 min).

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    Quote Originally Posted by jsma10 View Post
    Is the child tired when you put them to bed? Perhaps they aren't ready to go?

    I don't believe in the control crying or any of that jazz either, but I do have my 16 month old in a toddler bed (low car bed so he can't fall out) which can easily climb in and out of. We transitioned him to the bed when he was just over 14 months due to moving house, new sibling due soon and his sudden refusal to sleep in his cot (or play in his cot or even stand next to the darn thing ).

    I find that he climbs in and out when he isn't fully tired. When he is tired, he will walk into the room himself, climb up on the bed and wait for me to come cuddle and say goodnight, and then he's out like a light (all night).

    We do have a safety gate on his room door though, purely for the safety aspect if he was to wake up earlier than us, and we not hear him, we have an open plan home and I think I would deem it too dangerous for a toddler to have free reign with no supervision. The safety gate also works for the case if he's not entirely ready to go to sleep, then he will play with his toys for a little bit and then climb up onto his bed and go off to sleep when he's ready. (this has only really happened a handful of times though, and then only for 10-15 min).
    He's definitely tired. All his tired signs are there. He's also excited though that "Dadeeeee" has come home from work (2 hours earlier) & he's obsessed with DH at the moment which isn't helping.

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    Bump......would love a new tactic to try tonight

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    i dont have a toddler in a bed yet but i am interested for future reference!

    you said he stays in his bed during day naps - what is different about day naps to night time for him ?
    These might sound really silly and naieve suggestions.......
    Has he had enough dinner?
    Maybe try a soft night light?
    Lay next to him and pretend you have gone to sleep?
    I too think he is excited about having his daddy home at night after not seeing him all day and maybe just wants a bit more time with him (one on one)?? maybe give them half hour before bedtime to to quiet things together??

    Goodluck and keep the post updated for us

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    DD1 has been having her day sleeps in a bed for a month or so now but still nights in cot (she is a serious sleep traveller so we are waiting for a non busy wkend to try night sleeps) I've found using a kitchen timer with a "no sound flashing light only" option set for 2 hrs has been brilliant at letting her know when nap time is over. She asks for the flashy flashy when she's tired & I'm sure she stares at it till she falls asleep. We have a sleep clock, monkey eyes open means get out of bed if you want & eyes shut means sleep time. We broke the clock already by dropping it but it might be worth a try. I think kids like boundaries & appreciate knowing that "this nap" isn't forever it's just till that light flashes or the monkey wakes up. Putting it in their room might make them feel more involved & in control maybe? I also use the microwave & oven timers as opportunities to show how one activity ends & the next starts etc. We are going to wait & see if we need a new sleep clock once she is full time big bed. DD2 will need the cot in a few months & they'll share the room which will be another learning curve of fun!

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    Well, I can't help, but I do close DS's door. He's been in a big bed since 14 months old, and I closed the door right from day 1 to keep the cat out of his room. I don't do controlled crying and if he were to call out to me at any stage I would go straight to him every time.. but I think because we have closed the door from day one he just knows closed door and lights out means bed time. He never ever gets up! I know this is of no use to you if you don't want to do the closed door thing, but just thought I'd share. I must say though, that if he had of been up down and crying banging on the door I wouldn't have done it either, so I was just lucky it worked out for us.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Moxy View Post
    He's definitely tired. All his tired signs are there. He's also excited though that "Dadeeeee" has come home from work (2 hours earlier) & he's obsessed with DH at the moment which isn't helping.

    It's daddy's fault, I'm afraid My son is the same ... unless he's crazy tired, on the night's daddy is home it's a bit of a struggle to get him to realise it's bed time. My husband is a chef and works 6 nights a week normally .. so we have only 1 night generally to deal with this.

    Hubby gets home at 1 or 2am a lot of the time and has learnt to be super quiet when he gets in, otherwise Jnr will wake and want daddy time then too ....

    Daddy's must just be so cool


    Can Hubby disappear at bed time ... shower/bedroom with the door closed, water the garden, anything to keep him out of ear/eye shot?

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    I don't have any useful advice except that I can assure you many parents go through the same thing. We took the sides off our 'spirited' DD's cot 5 months ago and she went through the same phase. We tried everything. But little miss very much has a strong stubborn personality like her dad so its been a hard road. She is now 2.5 and in a big girls bed and is slowly getting better. We only go in if absolutely necessary. And when we do, it's a very quick boring visit with minimal conversation, no lighting, etc. All I ever really say to her is 'it's time for sleep, please stay in your bed'. It's getting better as she gets older. Obviously some kids are more stubborn than others. Phases like this will test you for years to come so try to lead by example, be firm and be consistent with your approach so a clear message is being given. I know it's hard to keep your cool sometimes too but never lose your temper or threaten to take emotional attachments away such as a blankie or bed toy. Bub will eventually get bored of his antics!


 

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