+ Reply to Thread
Page 6 of 6 FirstFirst ... 456
Results 51 to 59 of 59
  1. #51
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    8,794
    Thanks
    3,395
    Thanked
    3,081
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by LotusMum View Post
    Isnt it odd how we are to let our kids go ov with strangers just because they have the lable, "ather" when we are super carevul about letting them go to babysitters and even amily members beore we consider them to be ready and willing.

    Its a very scary thing to allow someone to come into your childrens' lives and take them away, even vor just a day let alone overnight, and especially iv this person has been hurtvul or abusive in some way to us in the past. My ex is an ok person I guess, but even still, its going to be scary as hell or me when I allow him to have the baby overnight.

    Iv I were you, I would encourage skype and phone contact long beore I allow him to have visits and certainly not unsupervised visits until both the child and you are ready. Maybe you can all go to the park or something together, build the relationship slowely, and as much as it sucks, you really do need to let them have a relationship.
    Totally agree with this! (I take it you f key isn't working?)

  2. #52
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    2,129
    Thanks
    5,083
    Thanked
    1,220
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by LotusMum View Post
    Isnt it odd how we are to let our kids go ov with strangers just because they have the lable, "ather" when we are super carevul about letting them go to babysitters and even amily members beore we consider them to be ready and willing.

    Its a very scary thing to allow someone to come into your childrens' lives and take them away, even vor just a day let alone overnight, and especially iv this person has been hurtvul or abusive in some way to us in the past. My ex is an ok person I guess, but even still, its going to be scary as hell or me when I allow him to have the baby overnight.

    Iv I were you, I would encourage skype and phone contact long beore I allow him to have visits and certainly not unsupervised visits until both the child and you are ready. Maybe you can all go to the park or something together, build the relationship slowely, and as much as it sucks, you really do need to let them have a relationship.
    Exactly.

    After four-plus years, this man is more or less a stranger to the OP as well.

  3. #53
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    11
    Thanks
    2
    Thanked
    1
    Reviews
    0
    I was really sad to hear other people's stories on this thread
    i definatelt agree tho that I am not happy with just handing my so to his biological parent. When I last saw him he was suicidal- his father was bipolar and committed suicide when he was ten and his brother is diagnosed bipolar. Obviously I'm not saying that he therefore must now have
    mental health issues but the thing is 'i don't know!!' I don't know anything about him or what his life is like or what has been happening and that scares me. I've been advised to put an airport watch on while he is here even tho I hold my sons passport.

    Ues his biological parent will be in his life because unfortunately I can't stop it-but my son is four and has a solid family unit. He knows nothing about courts,or divorce and it breaks my heart that he will be so disrupted he'll get over it eventually I guess it's just not what I wanted.

    I've sought legal advice and know I have to be seen to be encouraging a relationship....

  4. #54
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    11
    Thanks
    2
    Thanked
    1
    Reviews
    0
    • I don't knowing anyone else feels like this. It I feel such horrible guilt that I gave my son such a crappy dad. It's my biggest regret. It's always going to be my biggest regret. I let him down before he was even born what kind of mother does that make me?!failed before I even began really upsets me, feel so guilty that because of me he has to go through this

  5. #55
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Posts
    1,342
    Thanks
    595
    Thanked
    395
    Reviews
    6
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Sorry yes I have no eph key. My daughter kicked my covvee onto my lap top when I was veeding her and bubhubbing. lol

    OP, Im sorry to read this. I totally understand your vear. It is a horrible situation and you just wish upon wish that the man would just disappear back into his own world. I know I wish the same thing. I do get the eeling that when it all becomes too hard or him, he wont continue with the contact as nothing has stopped him rom contacting his son all this time has it? He could have called or skyped.
    I would write down a sort o parenting plan on how you want this to play out, think out the steps you want him to take such as skype or 4 months every week, then 4 months ov supervised visits at YOUR convenience (making sure you do make this happen and dont block it), then slowely work up to unsupervised day visits and so on. This is how we worked it in my consent order or my baby. The older two girls went on weekend visits straight away as they do know their ather and he was in their lives, but or the baby, I worked it out in steps and I ollowed her lead, when I elt she was ok with it and it was going well, I loosened up a bit and allowed unsupervised and longer visits sooner than agreed. I think that i you have an organised idea o what you want, and it is reasonable and the courts can see you are being helpul rather than hindering, then things will work out var better all round.
    Good luck.

  6. #56
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Posts
    1,342
    Thanks
    595
    Thanked
    395
    Reviews
    6
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Oh gee, I understand that veeling. I oten wish I chose a better man vor my kids dad. You didnt vail your son though, you did what you elt was right at the time, and hey, iv you didnt choose that man, you wouldnt have this little guy, you would have a dierent one and thats something you wouldnt give up despite the situation which brought him around yeah?
    So oten when I eel anxious or down about this whole "CO" parenting situation I get eelings like you are describing. It is so hard to know that orever you have this man in your lie who can just walk in at anytime and totally disrupt it and there is nothing you can do about it. I too wish I never had to worry about this so I do get it.

  7. #57
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    452
    Thanks
    7
    Thanked
    33
    Reviews
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by dragon12345 View Post
    • I don't knowing anyone else feels like this. It I feel such horrible guilt that I gave my son such a crappy dad. It's my biggest regret. It's always going to be my biggest regret. I let him down before he was even born what kind of mother does that make me?!failed before I even began really upsets me, feel so guilty that because of me he has to go through this
    MASSIVE I know exactly how you feel... and I feel even more stupid as I let it happen a second time. My eldest lost his father and his dad (stepdad), and my younger two have lost their dad. He's been in and out of all their lives for 4 years... and I've let him in and out trying everything to make it work so they could have a dad iykwim. It's an extremely sucky and terrifying position to have this person come in and out as they please. IMO it's ridiculous. IMO it causes more grief for the children than not knowing him. They just let them down again and again.
    Anyway off that tangent.. you haven't failed... he wouldn't be "him" without having him as a "father"... just know you've done the best you can for him, and regardless of anything else you've raised him to be who he is. Be proud of what you've accomplished, don't let anyone bring you down!

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to 3LilMonkies For This Useful Post:

    LotusMum  (27-02-2012)

  9. #58
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    online
    Posts
    1,146
    Thanks
    247
    Thanked
    461
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by smileygirl View Post
    I would also consider that this is your son's bio father, and, well...it could be a great benefit to let them have some contact. It is part of him, it is part of his identity and when he is older he will more than likely have questions for him. If there is no history of abuse and your son will not be at risk, i don't think denying contact without at least having a discussion with him is unreasonable. People often slag dads who have no contact and praise them when they chase it up through court and demand contact...why not assume he wants to get to know HIS son??
    This.

  10. #59
    MilkingMaid's Avatar
    MilkingMaid is offline Winner 2009 - Mod Award - most supportive member
    Question those who don't question authority
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Home
    Posts
    9,661
    Thanks
    3,787
    Thanked
    2,144
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by dragon12345 View Post
    • I don't knowing anyone else feels like this. It I feel such horrible guilt that I gave my son such a crappy dad. It's my biggest regret. It's always going to be my biggest regret. I let him down before he was even born what kind of mother does that make me?!failed before I even began really upsets me, feel so guilty that because of me he has to go through this
    In the same boat here.... But I have three boys.... Some men are just not man enough to be a Dad, and that is NOT a reflection on US!!


 

Similar Threads

  1. Who to contact
    By Bulbasaur in forum House & Gardens
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 27-11-2012, 16:28
  2. How often does FOB contact?
    By Pesca77 in forum Single Parents
    Replies: 27
    Last Post: 03-11-2012, 21:23
  3. Who do i contact
    By Myztiks#1Fan in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 32
    Last Post: 19-08-2012, 19:54

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Shapland Swim Schools
Shapland's at participating schools offer free baby orientation classes once a month - no cost no catches. Your baby will be introduced to our "natural effects" orientation program develop by Shapland's over 3 generations, its gentle and enjoyable.
sales & new stuffsee all
True Fairies
True Fairies is the first interactive website where children can engage and speak with a real fairy through the unique webcam fairy portal. Each session is tailored to the child, and is filled with enchantment and magic.
Visit website to find out more!
featured supporter
Tribalance
TriBalance is a physio, yoga & pilates studio in Brisbane's inner north, offering specialised women's health physiotherapy services. Weekly pregnancy yoga classes are scheduled at the studio on Thursdays 1- 2pm and Saturdays 1-2:15pm.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!