OP if you think it's all about money from his end- drop the CSA. If it means a cut to your centre link, so be it. Take it on the chin. Surely you could supplement your income the small amount you'd lose? Deliver pamphlets or something! Then see if the father still wants contact- then you will know for sure what his motivation is. You can always try for CSA at a later date if needed.
I wonder if it would be helpful for your son in the long run to have at least some contact with his Dad. As imperfect as Dad may be, it could be hard for him later if he thinks Dad didn't try or care. And it could affect your relationship with him if he learns later on that you prevented the contact. It's different if there was abuse involved, obviously. I know no details about your situation, but these are some thoughts that came to mind.
Why should she drop CS and have her payments dropped? She mentioned he lives abroad - I highly doubt SHE chose for him to live there. I have no doubt in my mind that he's abandoned this boy and now he's feeling guilty so wants back in to make himself feel better. Children shouldn't go without their child support (not to mention family payments) because dad decided to take off and then come back without a hint of warning!!
OP, I'd be wary of denying court ordered access but I dare say he's probably breached that contract considering he lives abroad. If he wants it, I'd ask him whether he'd be willing to return to court or mediation because simply coming back into this little boy's life without warning and having access without you there would be incredibly frightening for a 4 year old little boy. He doesn't know this man who took off.
i am slightly confused as there seems to be some mixed up things.
When ex assessed for csa...you get sent a letter saying how much it is. I am not sure why you don't have that.
if he is claiming unemployed, then, the amount assessed would be very low. If he is in a country with a recipricle agreement, then their tax office would be providing his earning amounts.
You have a right to the information on what payment you should be getting and what impact this would have on your benefits.
However, if you are living with your partner...i am guess you don't get a lot anyway if he is supporting you.
I would investigate the facts first. Find out what the assessment is and what impact it would have to stop the csa chasing.
I would also consider that this is your son's bio father, and, well...it could be a great benefit to let them have some contact. It is part of him, it is part of his identity and when he is older he will more than likely have questions for him. If there is no history of abuse and your son will not be at risk, i don't think denying contact without at least having a discussion with him is unreasonable. People often slag dads who have no contact and praise them when they chase it up through court and demand contact...why not assume he wants to get to know HIS son??
My ex moved overseas when my son was young, he calls my current DH daddy. However, ex came back to australia and now sees DS regularly. Having 2 daddies does nothing to harm him and he loves it, he has more love, that is the end of the story. I was nervous at first too, but, it is his son too and from a slow and gradual start...they now have a good bond. Will my ex stick around? i am not 100% sure, but there are no guarantees on any relationship and i know that what ever happens, ds will be fine cause he has me.
It does affect some children Even though DS knows he's ALWAYS got me, he still knows his dad took off because he didn't want him and that is heartbreaking. I wish I lived in a fairytale world, too, where DS is fine with abandonment, but I don't.
Also if he has breached orders that doesn't mean it's ok for the OP to breach them- she can still be punished. Mediation is a good idea but in the mean time it's legally and morally wrong to deny this man contact with his son. That's my opinion.
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