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  1. #11
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    money vs being left alone in peace

    i would take the peace

    where does he think he is visiting him

  2. #12
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    If he lives o/s then I assume he'd need your cooperation to comply with court orders, such as allowing or enabling phone or Skype contact and visitation. If its court ordered and you breach it you can be fined or otherwise punished and it won't look good if he decides to pursue more access in future, say if he moves to Aust. TBH your son has a right to know his father. It will be disruptive, sure, but that is because, IMO, you chose not to be honest with him. You have let him believe your DH is his father. At age 4 he will get over it a lot better than say age 14! Also, you have CSA chasing him for money yet you want to deny him all contact? Doesn't that seem a but, well, wrong? Like, you are happy to take his money but begrudge him his child? 3 weeks a year is not going to be that much of an imposition in your life and your son has every right to know his father unless there is an abuse issue (I'm assuming there isn't because you've not said that's a reason to keep him away) and the father has every right to know his son. It's not a great situation but it is what it is. Be honest with your son and stick to court orders- that's my advice. Good luck.

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  4. #13
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    Thanks for feedback obviously I'm not telling the whole story on here :/ as its a public forum!but I don't actually want money off him,just if I didn't let CSS pursue him I would only be on base rate for centre link. I'm not interested in money off him-as long as my saying that didn't effect my centre link benefit. We've actually already told him that my partner isn't his biological parent but given that he is four and all he cares about is the fact he has a man in his life that does everything for him and treats him as his son because aboard from biology he is his DAD!otherwise I wonder why people bother adopting if they have to feel the child is never theirs...I'm just worried about what will happen to me if I refuse contact because I can't see any benefit in contact

  5. #14
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    But thank you everyone for feedback as gives me food for thought...for what's its worth he is an admitted alcoholic but I have no ideas if he still has issues in this regard as was 5 years ago...

  6. #15
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    Is he really going to go through with these visits though? If it has only come about because he has been found by child support he is only going to be adding to his expenses by flying over. He *might* be hoping you'll stop pursuing CS if he threatens to disrupt your life.

    Just from what you've written here, I would call his bluff. If he follows through, well it was inevitable, and he is within his rights to know his son. If not, win - win. You get no disruptions and a bit of CS for your LO.

  7. #16
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    I don't know how cl works but if you are pursuing cs can you tell them it's a private agreement? Like you ex pays for xyz then will they still cut the cl or only you would miss out on what xyz would be?

  8. #17
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    FML: CL will still think she is getting the assessed amount, so a private agreement would make no difference.

  9. #18
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    Money has nothing to do with contact, and parents who claim cs from absent parents are not bad parents. OP you did right by your child given the fact that ex ran off before he was even born, not even giving a baby, HIS baby, a chance to bond.

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  11. #19
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    sorry i get totally confused by centrelink and csa!!! so i cld tell them that we have a private agreement and they wld prsume he is paying me an xxx amount and so my centrelink payements wldnt be affected? or would they? sorry for being a bit thick about this!

  12. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by dragon12345 View Post
    sorry i get totally confused by centrelink and csa!!! so i cld tell them that we have a private agreement and they wld prsume he is paying me an xxx amount and so my centrelink payements wldnt be affected? or would they? sorry for being a bit thick about this!
    They will cut you ftb by 50c in the dollar based on the assessment.


 

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