Am I expecting too much or is DP just not responsible??

**MumDadBoyandGirl** · 26-02-2012 12:21

DP and I are currently living with MIL whilst our second child is born. We both want to live somewhere else as living within such close proximity to our bickering and complaining families is too much. Anyway, we aren't sure exactly where we want to go.. we just need a break from here.

DP quit his job in late August '11, I kept working until November until work gave me grief for being pregnant and pretty much bullied me into leaving. DP went back to work casually since November. Since then I have been trolling ways to decrease spending, getting rid of expenses. I feel like I do this every single day. I am determined to learn from this experience.

However, DP was recently accepted to study teaching. I have no problem with going back to work to support our family so he can study. The issue being that I am 26 weeks and the likelihood of me finding a job is very very low especially on the Mornington Peninsula when summer has finished.

DP and I agreed that he would defer studies for a semester. However I got extremely agitated today when I expressed I was sick of being responsible for the finances and living with MIL is more than I'm able to deal with atm, I'm applying for jobs while DP has casual work only and had no intent on doing anything further than this prior to going to study or when our baby is born.

I feel as though I made the effort to let him know I would take care of him whilst he was studying for 4 years, why can't he make the effort of taking care of us for 4 months until the baby is born. Why can't he be responsible and see there is no permanency in casual hours?? I'm tired of being stressed out and trying to do everything I can about our situation when he just doens't care or isn't willing to do anything about it..

**mordygordy** · 26-02-2012 12:56

Is he studying externally? If not is that an option? He would be able to work and study if so. I did teaching when I left school and I think he would easily be able to work part time and study. I did extra units and completed my studies a year early doing full time uni plus the extra units externally, I was just out of school so I had no one to support. I think he should be helping out, the chances of you getting a job is slim and you are a saint living with your IL's I would rather live on the street then with my IL's

There are some great uni's that do teaching externally. That way you are still supporting him studying and he is helping support you and your family too.

Oh I forgot the most important bit- NO I DON'T THINK YOU ARE NOT BEING UNREASONABLE.

**MumDadBoyandGirl** · 26-02-2012 13:29

Dp is studying via correspondence but won't be commencing until July 2012. Our baby is due in late may right before the exams would have been.

**made2bAmummy** · 26-02-2012 15:13

This will sound harsh but I think its really selfish of him to do this. My DH wanted to build a boat, and I supported him to do it but he still worked full time and did the boat building outside work hours (which meant I virtually did not see him for 3.5 years while I was pregnant with both our kids and then time after that). The sacrifice was huge. The boat is now worth over $160K so the sacrifice we all made is going to help us financially in the long run but
Would I have been able to support him financially if he'd just built the boat and quit work during that time? Absolutely not. Dealing with two kids under 3 was more than a full time job - I was also working part time the entire time, around 20 hours/week.
Lots of people study full time and also work full time - its not easy and your family pays the price (meaning you directly because you bear the full responsibility of child rearing while he's studying) but its a small sacrifice for a large gain later.
He should at least work part time i.e. 30 hours/week while he's studying.
OR if he is going to study and not work he should also take on most of the parenting and house work so you can work full time to support them.

**trishalishous** · 26-02-2012 17:02

i would expect a full time job now, and at least parttime while studying.
you shouldnt have to stress like this!

**BaronessM** · 26-02-2012 17:03

We live at partner's parents house, too, and although they are super supportive and accepting of our odd lifestyle and weird hours, it IS really stressful being in someone else's space, living in one or two rooms, not having your own kitchen to mess up, and tip-toeing about at night, being on high alert so the bub doesn't wake the whole household.

Our relationship has suffered for it (our bedroom is next to theirs with super thin walls...) and we've finally decided, 6m on, that it's time to move.

Sorry, no advice, just a bit of 'I know a little of how you feel...'

**waterlily** · 26-02-2012 17:09

Originally Posted by trishalishous

i would expect a full time job now, and at least parttime while studying.
you shouldnt have to stress like this!

Same!

**luvmybubby** · 26-02-2012 21:23

My fiancé and I have a 16 month old daughter and we have been living with my Father in-law since I was 6 months pregnant. As my pregnancy was unplanned and we were not in a comfortable financial position to have her (renting with large credit card debt) we moved in with him so we could pay off our debts and save a deposit to buy a house. We have had our share of run ins with him and arguments with each other as we are living in a stressful environment and not in our own home with our own little family but we are doing it to make our future as a family better. Most of the time I HATE it but I'm trying to hang in there. If I were you I'd be feeling exactly the same. Your partner needs to step up and provide for his family and think about returning to study when the time is better. Best of luck. Hope it all comes together sooner rather than later for you.

**ohdear** · 26-02-2012 21:28

Originally Posted by mordygordy

you are a saint living with your IL's I would rather live on the street then with my IL's

Same here no way in hell

tell him to get his priorities right

**MumDadBoyandGirl** · 11-03-2012 22:00

We just had a major fight because dp still isn't doing anything except casual work. Isn't looking isn't applying.. Nothing!

When do I say enough is enough?? I can't be his mum and 'fix' everything. Why can't he pull his head out of the sand.. Why does our children and my pride have to be at the expense of what he WANTS??!!