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  1. #191
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    JFB again I am sorry that you are going through this, don't like the sound of DH's binge drinking it isn't fair at all. It's such bad timing to be making any big decisions I hope that he can get his act together before he pushes you too far.

    BKel I hope you & DH can resolve these issues so you can have a more harmonious and happy family life, it's all we really want.

    FionaA I saw your pic & you are def not big! My FIL was so cruel about my weight particularly straight after DD. By the time she was 8wks old ended up sobbing after him calling me fat all the time & DH told him to back off. Bizzare the way some ppl carry on.

    LochNessie for starting jabbing what type of cycle are you doing antagonist or long down?

    Amum OMG I hate the sulking - it is such a turn off. But you're right if that's the worst of it then we're pretty lucky even if it is very frustrating

    Kismet hope you had a nice B'day celebration - it's no wonder you feel so strongly about alcohol abuse - I don't think many families are unaffected by it somewhere down the line even if it's a GGGrandfather but to have a parent & sibblings is terribly difficult.

    AFM on the topic of getting help I went to GP today to get a referral for a councellor or something as feeling depressed & DH told me to see a psychiatrist & that I need medication - anyway she said I sounded completely normal within 10 days of m/c as it takes time etc.

  2. #192
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    morning:

    good luck nessie..first jab , how exciting, and excellent news that the cyst has gone. so hopefully this is the one .

    nesskia: i ended up seeing a counsellor for about 8 sessions after my m/c in 2009...i did actually become quite depressed after that and work was AWFUL (at the time i had a T/L role and was filling in maternity leave paperwork, taken over from the manager the day after the m/c who had gone on mat leave, and about 3 others were pg at the time..honestly it was the WORST time of my life it was like i was kicked when i was down and some cruel joke was going on) ..it did me the world of good....i really needed it. however yes its totally normal to be really sad and even now i get sad still.

    BK: i hope DH had a good think and has come up with some sort of action. maybe i should take your strategy and argue with my DH in terms of effect on kids, maybe that will shift his attitude .

    kismet: totally, he is in denial....thinks it ok cos he "works", its a joke. i find him very selfish....i mean he worked arvo's last week and we had one car so i worked too and the did 100% of caring and transporting of H so in fact i worked twice as hard, but noooooooo he wouldnt even think of that or think that maybe on the sunday i was friggin shagged and might have wanted a nap for an hour. i too have family members who have been alcoholics so i have NO tolerance for it. my mum says i should ring his parents and tell them, i mean i dont know what he is going to say this weekend as i told him i dont want to go away with him so he is taking H and his parents (who were going anyway). anyway we didnt talk about anything last night,he seemed distant and i couldnt care less....i dont really have anything to discuss excpet like it or lump it at this point..he knows im sick of it but if he wants to continue and feels like he is entitled to it then there is no other option but for him to go. honestly im just so over him right now and really angry that he cant oull his $hit together....not to mention rubbing the shine off the excitement of another baby. F*** him. anyway....hope u are surviving on the BCP and is it synarel?? when do expect to start jabbing?

    fiona: the worst culprit for telling me i was "big" was my mum and alot of ppl i know say the same...its like "gee your bum is big now" "gee youve put on weight round your thighs".....but i often get the "are u sure its not twins" (um yes idiotis im quite sure)....actually it doesnt get to me that much as im so much heavier than i used to be but i know i WILL get back to what i was.BUT it will be hard and im giving myself 18 months...i put on so much weight with DS (like 26kg i think and it took ages for it come off and i didnt lose it all b4 i started TTC again and i was already 6kgs heavier this time when i got pg than last time cos i gained that doing 2 ivf cycles...god im so friggin glad i'll never be doing ivf ever again....it just made me really fat!!!) ...but u do get sick of the size comments, its like yeh im bigger..and???


    amum: LOL maybe that my DH's problem too..not getting any ....i must have been thinking about your post as i read it b4 i went to bed and had these really long dream about us flying to switzerland and u had bought all this "bling" and massive diamond rings but we couldnt get through customs with it and ended up in another country at the cops...it was quite funny!!!

    anyway..thanks ladies for listening to me whinge about my DH..it really does help getting others perspectives and support .

  3. #193
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    JFB. I have a lot of personal experience with addicts and alcoholics and if he really is one the unfortunate thing is there is nothing you can do or say that will make h change. He has to get to his own rock bottom. Until then he will use all sorts of excuses and denial to keep doing what he is doing. You leaving him may be the rock bottom he needs or it could kick him into full blown alcoholism. Have you ever thought/heard of Alanon?

    Well DH has happily agreed to do councelling. He actually wants to change his behavior too. I'm really hoping this helps.

    Well H is sleeping better at nights with only two feeds but during the day I'm lucky to get 15 min blocks out of him. Putting him I'm the bassinet is pretty useless. Only a month til solids...yay!!

  4. #194
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    Thanks ladies
    Had my outburst now I'll toughen up!

    JFB
    BK
    (and anyone else who needs them )

    Nessika - glad you are doing the counselling - it's good to have someone removed from it to talk to. I had some sessions after we gave up IVF because I fell into a slump and wasn't myself. It's a tough road. The counselling was reassuring.

  5. #195
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    hi girls

    nessie - woooo hoooooooooooooooo first jab....here we come little bubba...get ready....

    jfb - loving your dream...lots of bling..... i hope for your sake you get dh and his problems sorted out sooner rather than later, even if that means you leave......

    nessika - i think i should have been on meds for the time i was doing ivf for kade, i was a mess so good on you for doing something about it, even if you just talk to someone.

    fiona - i think you look amazing so i'm not sure who those people are looking at when they say those comments.....i like nessie's comment about being big and looking great...stuff them you are growing a baby in there....what do they expect a size 8.....blah blah blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh to them.

    hello to everyone, hope you all have a great day

  6. #196
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    Kismet, a little late, but a very sincere "Happy Happy Birthday".... hope you had a lovely day.

    BK, must be nice to have H sleeping better at night at least... it's not much conselation for you during the day, but I guess it's a start and lets hope it's the beginning of better sleeping ahead. Good news re DH and counselling... that's pretty good that he's agreed to it and realises he needs to change his behavour. That's a big head start.

    JFB, so sorry your DH is being such a selfish prat. Men can be so juvenile sometimes. Makes you wonder if they'll ever grow up. Is he the baby of the family?... can't remember if I asked you that once before, but my DH is the baby and he still behaves like one at times. I feel like I'm mothering two children. Then other times he can be better than any DH I know, so it can be hard to know how much bad you should have to cop along with the good.... and I guess we all have very different tolerance levels and we each vary as to what we will tolerate. I've learnt that I've had to adjust mine as after having 4 serious relationships in my life, they have each brought a whole different set of issues and ironically very different issues in each relationship, so it made me rethink what I could and couldn't tolerate as each relationship had bad in it amongst the good. I just had to figure out if I could adjust my thinking and behaviour to cope with the bad stuff I initially thought I couldn't live with as I knew another relationship would just bring a whole new array of problems. Hope that makes sense. Anyway, I hope you find a way through this. Sucks to be going through it now. Sounds like DH needs a new circle of friends... as in ones that don't drag him out to the pub. Hugs

    Nessie, woohoo for first jab and disappearing cyst!! . Very excited for you . I'm still waiting for damn AF to arrive and I'll be right behind you


    Fiona, a little insensitive of your family to say that. Have they ever been in any way jealous of your pre pregnancy figure? I know that I had a couple of girlfriends who used to tell me they can't wait to see me fat. I used to find that hurtful, but DH just used to calm me down and say that they have obviously been jealous of my pre pregnancy figure and are just saying it in jest (with a little bit of envy laced in ). If it continues, is there something your DH would be prepared to pipe up and say to try and squash it. And yes you are hormonal , things certainly upset me more when pregnant, but it still is insensitive of your family. Hope they ease off with their comments.

    Hi to everyone else I've missed. Life is a little hectic at the moment. I'm now working 3 days a week in the nursery and am just so exhausted when I get home that I can't do much more than the necessaties and then I just crash on the bed. Days in between are racing to get assignments finished for school which is what I have to get on with now, so will say farewell and take care everyone. xo

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  8. #197
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    BK - fantastic DH has agreed with what you asked, and he is acknowledging he has to change his ways, I believe it takes a hell of alot for a man to know he is in the wrong and want to do something about it. Step by step for both DH and H, H will be a different baby soon

    JFB - still the queen of dreams, what a crack up
    If you think he will listen to his parents then maybe you should tell them. It is true if someone doesn't want to change they won't, my brother won't and refuses to acknowledge he has a problem despite at times hitting rock bottom. Don't get me wrong he is a good person when he doesn't drink and usually harmless when he does but there is a side to him that is just awful sometimes when he does and you just get sick of seeing him make a mess of himself. He has the same attitude, he works his a$$ off (which he does) and he has a sense of entitlement to do as he pleases and it's stemmed from having this attitude since he was young where he works hard all week and plays hard all weekend, hasn't changed, he also has the wrong type of mates, they are pretty much the same as him. I've asked my SIL why she puts up with it, she says cos she loves him and he has a good heart most of the time and the fact they have been thru alot of heartbreak together they know that's what counts the most and they rely on each other. Again it does depend on what you can tolerate and she has a high tolerance.
    It's not good timing to make any decisions with your relationship but don't let it blow over, it will only escalate. It's not just his relationship with you that matters either, his health will be affected in the long run as well even if he doesn't touch a drink everyday, bingeing is destructive too. Perhaps he may think he doesn't have to act like a responsible parent when the kids are so young, probably thinks they aren't at an impressionable age with one not even born yet, but if he doesn't change now he never will. Kids do pick up on these things quite early. Good luck with how you decide to handle it all.
    I start lucrin injections on 29th (instead of synarel) and suppose to start fsh 5th April, I will have to be very careful to keep it from everyone over easter. I feel like total crap since I started back with the pill popping, so I think I'm actually glad I'm just doing one cycle. Still can't get up to taking 3 metformin a day, that's what I believe is making me feel vial. Had 1st acu appointment today.

    Alittle - thanks for the bday wishes.

    Amum - isn't that men in general? always complaining about lack of sex...I use to complain about not getting ANY! don't care anymore, forgot what it's like

    Nessika - yes it is normal to feel so down after a m/c. It's an awful experience and very heartbreaking. I also still think about it, I got a little emotional about it just the other day. I tried to 'soldier' on after mine but was a big mistake. I probably should have sought some grief counselling bcs I threw myself back into ivf and became more determined than ever it wasn't going to beat me until one day at work just one negative comment from my boss made me lose my $hit in front of a few people, I had a breakdown and cried like a baby & screamed like an insane person. People forget that a loss is a loss at any stage and for some reason these days talking about m/c is like some sort of taboo and it should be swept under the carpet. So wrong. People still 'do not tell' before they reach 2nd trimester 'incase something happens'. Then what if it does, shh don't talk about it. Very wrong, you need to deal with it. Give yourself a bit more time then seek some counselling if you feel you should, partners feel it too so don't forget about yours, he maybe feeling he has to hold you up and hide his feelings which isn't a good thing either.

    Taking Evie to see Sesame St concert tomorrow, hope she pays attention.

  9. #198
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    hi all

    kismet: oh i so dont envy you and the pill popping but at least lucrin is somewhat better than that VILE synarel $hit. hey at least its easter soon and u can have some easter eggs (maybe a good omen... eggs and eggs ).

    thanks alittle. u sound tired by the daycare work..i often wonder how the girls cope each week at my daycare working there fulltime ....kids are so tiring!!!

    BK: glad that H is sleeping better at night now.

    ok well i'll give a brief update of hubby woes ..essentially he has agreed to go counselling after telling me he will do whatever it takes to "make me happy" and that he wants to stay in the relationship and try to be "better"...various issues were discussed, some things i was quite pleased to hear, others im not convinced and particularly some minimisation and normalisation of his alcohol use is a worry to me ....as i suspected he admits he has found becoming a parent a lot harder than he thought etc so we talked about this for a while, also work / hours / attitude. ive asked him to attend counselling for alcohol use (he wants to be able to have a few drinks and then stop and i said im afraid that you arent capable of that but mmmmmm but he did agree that hanging around the pub as his only social outlet and mates who dont have young kids is not helping at all etc), his work stress, adapting to parenting and finding a balance between work / social/ parenting responsibilities etc..anyway....i said im happy to come to some sessions with him but that im really not happy with his behaviour of late and have no qualms about leaving as i dont want my kids seeing drunken / stressed / a loser dad etc....so we'll see.....like i said im not 100% convinced.

  10. #199
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    JFB - It's good that he is agreeing to some sort of help, discussion ...
    hopefully it does help! Though I am sure we all understand your reservations.
    Strike while the iron is hot an look into an appointment for counselling straight away rather than letting it blow over.

  11. #200
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    SpotTheOcelot is offline 'Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.'
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    Oh goodness sounds like my gorgeous girls on here need to kick some husband backside!!!!!

    I have no experience in this sort of behaviour myself, so I suppose it is easy to sit here and type BUT I can say that you all deserve to be treated with respcet, compassion and decency regardless.

    I feel it is important to seek further help with counselling etc, as we all have limits on our ability to communicate, and perhaps a neutral professional can bridge that gap and open up certain paths to help both parties.

    Alcohol is a massive issue... again needing that professional unbiased help. I am sorry you are going through this JFBLady... we all have that dream in our hearts and minds of how it will pan out.

    Relationships are two people and it needs both making an effort. Complacency is dangerous.

    Hugs.

    xxx
    Last edited by SpotTheOcelot; 21-03-2012 at 12:24.


 

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