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  1. #181
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    sonja: i kinda feel he needs to go and talk about his own issues first initially (that include work stress and his alcohol use and whatever parenting / pressures / personal issues he has) unfortunately given the "texts" ive been receiving today my DH thinks his binge drinking is "justified" by his "working hard" and "pulling his weight with H".....he doesnt think its a problem. he just doesnt get it , he doesnt understand that pulling your weight with a child means being emotionally available too (not lying on the lounge looking bored cos u are hungover on the one and only day u dont work and can actually spend some decent time with them)....i dont know..he just is not on the same page and im not willing to compromise ie there is nothing that justifies getting blind drunk which is what he does, he seems to think there is and thats its "ok". i feel it will only get worse with me "being at home and doing nothing" now...hence he "works" and i will be doing "nothing"...well that was his attitude last time. he doesnt have the benefit of having expereinced both situations whcih i know and know that being a SAHM is way harder than working 9-5....plus i dont even know if i want to do marraige cousnelling, i feel like im talking to the town idiot when i try to get my point across to him for the 100th time ie its not the going out per se, its the severely excessive boozing and the state he is in the next day thats the problem and that he cant seem to go out and control his drinking so how does he expect to keep going out and for me to just ....accept it. blah.

  2. #182
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    hi girls

    sonja - OMG you are hilarious...i love that comment about breathing the same air as DH...sooooooooooo funny

    Men are bl00dy so selfish sometimes....i swear they have the best of both worlds....

    jfb - i'm sorry dh is being an ahole.....only you will know what is best for you and the kids.....do what makes YOU happy. you are a strong woman and would be a fabulous woman/mum on your own.........if he can't grow up then maybe it's time for you to move on

    my pet hate with my dh is that he freakin sulks when we don't have sex...OMG i'm tired and have a millon things going on all day every day and night...i mean does he get up to the boys in the middle of the night....nope...but i do admit i am in boys rooms before dh even knows whats going on....i spoke to a girlfriend of mine the other day and she said her dh is the same...sulks when there is no sex......apart from that mine is a pretty good one but as sonja said some days i don't want to breathe the same air as him

    i love the fact that we can come here, say what we want and support each other...

    kismet - i posted a happy b'day on FB for you......its just a number...tell me that in may when i turn 40 ok

    hope you all are having a great day and those dh's out there are acting their age......

  3. #183
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    JFB - you don't need that. I'm no expert at relationships but drinking excessively is a deal breaker with me. Only for the fact drinking has played a big part with problems in my family and in my 1st serious relationship which has probably set up a 'wall' for me when it comes to men, and I generally don't like talking about it. My dad drank when I was a kid and use to come home drunk from work quite alot, those days booze buses weren't around. He gave it up after a total meltdown from my mum and threatening divorce which he knew she meant at that point. I still remember that day. Both my brothers are drinkers, one far too much and I believe has a problem, the other was heading down the road of a problem but he too knew when his wife was at breaking point before he turned his life around, he had too much to lose and the last thing he wanted was to lose her. As for my brother with the big problem, he will never turn his life around, he is too selfish and it has been going on too long now. We've all tried to reason with him and try and make him see how destructive he is to himself and his family. He has got issues, has had a rough life with lots of bad things happening to him over the years and he can't deal with it emotionally, alcohol is a way for him to deal with it, it makes him 'feel' better. He drinks just about everyday but when it comes to the weekend is always trashed. I've seen him go without alcohol so I know he could give up if he wanted to. He and his wife did separate for some time but got back together eventually, they do love each other that's the main thing but it's still not good, she has just accepted their life is what it is. It has also affected his relationship with his children, one has left home, they are embarrassed of him sometimes. It has not deterred them from going out and making a mess of themselves though, they are young and think they won't be like their father, but that's how he started. He gets easily abusive when he drinks and doesn't care who at, I refuse to talk to him at all when he is drinking at a family event bcs we end up fighting, he just doesn't know when to stop. I can't stand it and I have no tolerance for people who drink excessively too often for the shear sake of it.
    I really feel for you at the moment, it's so hard when someone you love does not respect your feelings over something that is as important as this. Perhaps you go away for the weekend on your own and tell him to think about the consequences if you were not to come back.
    I heard someone say one day after being asked how they've managed to stay married for 50 years, the woman said she loves her husband dearly but some days she doesn't like him. It was my mum. I thought it sounded very wise. So I guess you don't have to like them everyday but you have to know your limitations.
    Sorry I've rambled a bit too much about that.
    I will happily say I'm 34 not 43 .

    BK - it's hard to live with a bear with a sore head so to speak, men are grumpy whether they like to admit it or not. Sometimes their bark is worse than their bite


    Feeling every bit like a 43 year old today, rather tired.

  4. #184
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    Thanks for all the birthday wishes

  5. #185
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    Well I just had a big convo with hubby. Sonja I think you are so right and will NOT bring my children up around negativity and rudeness. I basically told him I wasn't happy and had enough. I also asked him why he was so angry all the time. He had no real answer, or rather all the same answers. Basically I said we needed councelling.

    Anyway I told him what my issues were but also told him it was only my perspective and he prob has issues with me. He reckons he doesn't.

    So basically I told him to have a think about what action we should take as my number one priority in life was to not damage my children and to bring them up as happy, confident, independent people

    He's gone off to watch his son au basketball. It's an hour trip each way so he will have a lot of time to think!

  6. #186
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    Well I am going to add my rant, no where near as bad ... But still annoying. Not my DH but my family. They rejoice in telling me how big I am and how huge I am going to be. It's really not what I want to hear. I don't think I am that big. And obviously I am going to get big, I'm friggin pregnant! I am not however overly huge, and what can I do about it anyway? I know I shouldn't listen or care but it's starting to upset me and make me mental!
    I will get as big as I get ... Outta my control!

    Did anyone else get mental about this ... Or am I a hormonal pregnant woman?
    Lol.

  7. #187
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    Fiona I got it everyday. I'm normal sized usually. But pregnant I just become huge. It all sits out front and I retain fluid. I ended up lying about how preg I was as I was embarassed by people's comments when I said how many weeks I really was. I put on 18-20kgs with both pregnancies. And lost it all afterwards. I'm just not one of those glamorous pregnant women

    But yes it starts becoming hurtful. My mum and dad would actually tell me how 'fat' I was getting!

  8. #188
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    BK - thanks for the understanding and making me feel better
    Hopefully your DH does have a good think. It is tough to change habits but surely they can see they need to!?!
    hope something good comes from the conversation.

  9. #189
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    Wow sooo busy on hear, no way I can completely catch up!!Fiona I had people constantly telling me how BIG I was, it definately used to upset me. Like Kel I carried heaps of fluid & put on 15kgs, I really watched what I ate & walked every day, luckily I lost it all in the first month. So don't worry, you have no control over what your body will do, just enjoy every minute of it & maybe when people comment just say " yes I'm big isn't it GREAT!"JFB as Amum said you will know how much you can handle. My BFF left her DH when her son was 6 weeks old. The day she arrived home from hospital she knew he would never change & it was all about his mates & partying. Her son is now 18 & she made the best decision ever. I personally have zero tolerance for DH going out & getting on it, it's ok if we do it together but not on his own.Sorry if I'm a bit harsh, but I think family come first.Sending you huge hugs, you definately don't deserve this from DH.Kel I hope DH has good long think. Are you getting some sleep?AFM first jab tonight!!!! Finally that cyst has gone.

  10. #190
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    BK - good for you putting your kids first and trying to work out what you expect from DH, hope he realises where you are coming from . Sometimes people need a little shake up to pull their head in. Perhaps there is something he is stressing about and can't express it except in anger.

    Fiona - it is a weird comment people often make to pregnant women, "gee you're getting huge!" as if they've never seen a pregnant woman before. I got "gee you're not very big" & "omg you're big out front" so you can never please anyone. I'd say well it's got to go somewhere something would be wrong if I looked like a bean pole, or I'm happily fat for a change. People feel the need to size you up & make these comments for some odd reason, instead they should be saying you look fabulous, because you do, and there is something special about how a pregnant woman looks.

    JFB - I meant to say earlier it does sound like DH is in some denial with what's acceptable and what's not. If he can't see it for himself and by listening to you is there perhaps someone else that could say something to him? Was just thinking that the men I know just think their wives are just nagging them again and think whatever, sometimes it needs to be spelt out to them and come from someone else. He has a choice, shape up or see things get worse between you. I also have a friend that kicked her husband out 3 weeks after their 2nd child was born bcs she was fed up with his drinking and gambling and pot smoking. He spent all their borrowed money they had to build a big shed & extensions to their house on gambling and pot when she was in hospital. He never saw the kids again, never wanted to, he chose to continue on his merry way and became an addict, thought it was better to be a beach bum then being a responsible parent, and she raised the boys on her own for the next 16 years. That is as bad as it can get, I'm not saying your Dh is exactly like that but he will be the one missing out if your marriage doesn't survive and is it worth that?

    Sonja - I like that - talk to me like a friend not your wife.


 

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