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  1. #1
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    Default Will we regret not having a second baby?! Decisions decisions decisions!!

    So after resolving to only have one child since DS’s birth & convincing DH that I couldn’t possibly handle another baby, I can’t believe it, but I am starting to feel clucky & have a desire for a second baby! How on earth am I going to bring it up with him after we discussed not having anymore for so long?! He’ll think I’ve lost the plot!!


    DH & I currently have a beautiful 2.5 year old DS who is an absolute delight! He was a very content baby & as a toddler is also very easy going. But for some reason I’m finding the decision to start TTC #2 a lot more difficult than it was to have him.


    My biggest concerns are:


    a) Finances – we probably won’t be able to send them to private schools (something I really wanted for my children), we won’t be able to afford nice family holidays, we won’t be able to buy a second house (as an investment) & won’t be able to afford other activities, luxuries, etc. I don’t know, but is a second child really such a financial burden?
    b) Myself – I had a traumatic birth with DS which took me a long time to get over & I am very afraid of a similar experience. I also had mild depression prior to DS but it became much worse, probably PND, after I had him. DH helped me get through it, but it is something that still arises from time to time. Also, can I truly handle another baby with a toddler?!


    My biggest fear is that in a few years I will regret not having a second baby, especially when my friends eventually marry & start their families.


    I wouldn’t normally post such a significant life question on an online forum, but I don’t know many other Mums with young children & would like to hear it from others who might have been going through the same decisions recently

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    Bohobaby  (05-04-2012)

  3. #2
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    What's the rush if your still not sure. Maybe give it another 6 months, in sure you'll know when the time is right, and might give you some time to start bringing it up with DH again.
    Me 29 DH 33
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  4. #3
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    Hi

    I remember reading a quote once that said 'You never regret the children you have, only the ones you don't'.

    I always wanted just the one, until I started working in aged care where the oldies had to stuff their whole lives into 4 drawers & a tiny wardrobe. The important stuff was the family photos & visitors that came... oh & of course the memories

    I realised then that if I grew old, what would I have to show for my life? Would the thoughts of a lavish lifestyle & exotic holidays & lots of money in the bank be enough to keep me company in my old age? Who was going to visit me & have me at their table at Christmas? What if my only child grew up & moved far away & what if she didn't want any children?

    I know... I think too much


    I have 5 children now
    ME DH
    DD & DS & DS & DS
    & DS, our breech homebirth Bubba, Oct 2011
    M/C DEC 2012
    DONE!

  5. The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Bexta For This Useful Post:

    amiee  (01-03-2012),happygrl  (01-03-2012),lulu21  (02-03-2012),meljemillie  (01-03-2012),MumDadBoyandGirl  (05-04-2012),Ulysses  (02-03-2012)

  6. #4
    Eko's Avatar
    Eko is offline Acrobatic Dominatrix.
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    I had similar concerns to you before deciding to ttc and came to the conclusion that the love and happiness another child would bring to our little family would far outweigh and 'bad' aspects.
    There's never a perfect time, and you can always make things work
    DS #1 2009 DS#2 2013
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    meljemillie  (01-03-2012)

  8. #5
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    babalooba is offline Being a brother is better than being a superhero
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bexta View Post
    Hi

    I remember reading a quote once that said 'You never regret the children you have, only the ones you don't'.

    I always wanted just the one, until I started working in aged care where the oldies had to stuff their whole lives into 4 drawers & a tiny wardrobe. The important stuff was the family photos & visitors that came... oh & of course the memories

    I realised then that if I grew old, what would I have to show for my life? Would the thoughts of a lavish lifestyle & exotic holidays & lots of money in the bank be enough to keep me company in my old age? Who was going to visit me & have me at their table at Christmas? What if my only child grew up & moved far away & what if she didn't want any children?

    I know... I think too much


    I have 5 children now
    Wow Bexta, that was an amazing post. I completely agree with you.
    Me 26 + He 30
    DS1- May 2005 DS2-July 2011
    DD1- August 2012 DD2- November 2013

    Our family is now complete







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    Ulysses  (02-03-2012)

  10. #6
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    Great post bex

    OP, is expensive family holidays, investment properties, luxuries really more important than a child (if that is what you truly want)?

    As for the traumatic birth, was it something that could have been avoided? What research have you done re: birth choices? Are there things you can do to minimise risk of another?

    The question of another child is only something you and hubby can answer, goodluck x

    Sent from my GT-I9100T using BubHub
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  11. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bexta View Post
    Hi

    I remember reading a quote once that said 'You never regret the children you have, only the ones you don't'.

    I always wanted just the one, until I started working in aged care where the oldies had to stuff their whole lives into 4 drawers & a tiny wardrobe. The important stuff was the family photos & visitors that came... oh & of course the memories

    I realised then that if I grew old, what would I have to show for my life? Would the thoughts of a lavish lifestyle & exotic holidays & lots of money in the bank be enough to keep me company in my old age? Who was going to visit me & have me at their table at Christmas? What if my only child grew up & moved far away & what if she didn't want any children?

    I know... I think too much


    I have 5 children now
    Awww wow very inspiring Bexta!! I thought lots of thing before trying TTC, but you are right whats important not only now but later when we grow old. Thanks so much for sharing

  12. #8
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    Thanks for your replies

    Bexta your post really did put things in perspective! You answered my question perfectly about regretting things, that's for sure!

    I hope I didn't sound superficial about luxuries & money in my first post, because I'm really not that sort of person! Given how the cost of living has risen in the past few years, it just make me concerned as to whether we can give our family what we think they deserve. Everyone wants the best for the kids, or the same things you had when growing up.

    Anyway I've decided to wait for a couple more months & think about it. Blah I think my problem IS that I think too much about things

  13. #9
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    Ulysses is offline In the eyes of a child you will see...the world as it should be.
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    i think if you are asking the question then there is a good chance you will regret it later in life if you didn't do it.

    I also think there is never a right time to have kids…..you will know the answer in your heart when it is the right time.

    Best of luck & I have a feeling you will go ahead & have another one sometime soon

    The best way to win an argument is to begin by being right




  14. #10
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    I've heard the 'you only regret the children you don't have' line many times. But what if you have another child and resent it? The lack of sleep, the nappies, wrestling two cranky children on bad days ...

    It's my biggest fear when we discuss another child. Thinking 'oh hell, one really was better for us'.

    The oldr DD gets the further we are away from another one I think.


 

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