+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 12
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    1,426
    Thanks
    4
    Thanked
    30
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default Dealing with other parents

    My 6 yo has mild autism. He is having issues with social skills that I'm working on.

    But it seems everytime we go out he always gets yelled out from other mums. I've been ignoring it cause I know not all parents know or understand about autism.
    But I've had it. Why do parents feel its right to yell and discipline my son. I'd rather them approach me nicely.
    Last incident:
    I took my 4 kids to a cafe with a little play area. My son made a track and playing his truck through it. A boy (say 3 or 4) came and played with his track and he pushed him.
    Firstly I know my son shouldn't of push and I explained this to him. I turned my back and the mum got up him and told him stop being mean.
    Through my son eyes he made a track and this little boy messed it up so he reacted.

    Anyway my question is should I go up to these mothers and say he has autism and have social problems? These mums are already angry and will probably start on me and I will probably attack back.

    Pls note; my son isnt a bullying and I try my best to discipline him.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    5,005
    Thanks
    1,052
    Thanked
    3,524
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I don't have experience with autism but hope it oks to reply... I would definitely let the parents know, as nicely as possible. It won't have prevented that incident but it might make them think twice in future before reprimanding someone else's child.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    1,224
    Thanks
    171
    Thanked
    307
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Hard call cause i have a similar issue with my eight yr old. I find it effects his self esteem to hear it constantly being talked about but then so does abuse from random strangers
    i think if u say it nicely *most other parents will prob be a lot more understanding.
    Hugs

    Sent from my GT-I9000 using BubHub

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to grumpysmurf For This Useful Post:

    laurea  (21-02-2012)

  5. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Rural NSW
    Posts
    1,803
    Thanks
    510
    Thanked
    383
    Reviews
    21
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    i would be annoyed if some mother got up my son for pushing her kid after he mucked up his track after i had already disiplined/spoken to him about it.

    if it was me (no experience with autism though) i prob wouldnt say anything about him having autism, just 'please dont tell off my son, i am dealing with it/have delt with it' or something. i dont think there is a reason for someone else to yell at a child for doing something when the mother has already spoken to her child about it.

  6. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    269
    Thanks
    6
    Thanked
    46
    Reviews
    0
    I have to keep my mouth shut when out and about.. Kids need to learn to deal with issues with out their mums butting in. Buttt if it got bad id prob go and talk to them both nicely.

    Sent from my GT-I9000 using BubHub

  7. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    1,168
    Thanks
    320
    Thanked
    240
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    as a parent who has had ZERO experience with autism, im sorry to say, id probably have been that mum (although if you had already told him off i wouldnt say anything).

    To be honest if it were me i would appreciate you coming and explaining (if your comfortable that is) that your son has autism and is working on his social skills. I would probably feel terrible about telling him off (if i did) and apologise to the mum.

    Like i say, i have ZERO experience with special needs children and to be honest would have no idea if an autistic child was around.

    I hope tis has not offended you in any way, my point is, not all parents know when a child has autism and may apppreciate a quiet word.

  8. #7
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    8,794
    Thanks
    3,395
    Thanked
    3,081
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I've started to quietly tell people ahead of time that dd is on the spectrum.

  9. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Sydney, AU
    Posts
    295
    Thanks
    73
    Thanked
    34
    Reviews
    0
    This is complicated...

    Firstly, I think it's more appropriate for the other parent to approach you and not your son.

    However I don't think you should get too upset.. if you consider the other parents POV, they would have no idea your son has autism and even if you said as such to them, they may not know what this actually means in a practical sense. All they can see is an older child pushing a much younger child who just wanted to play.

    And, one would expect that at the age of 6, one would have an understanding of what is right and wrong.

    A quiet word to the other parent is the best idea I would say but done in a way your son is not made to feel talked about.

  10. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    1,871
    Thanks
    150
    Thanked
    45
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    My DS2 has autism (PDD-NOS). I have been forced, twice, to explain his behaviour to other parents. Both were in a park when it was very busy.

    At both times, I honestly could not account for his behaviour any other way & felt I had no other option. When I told the other parents he was on the spectrum, they just looked at me and responded with "Ohhhh.... ok then". I have no idea whether or not they understood what that meant, but I felt it somehow excused the uncontrollable behaviour. Mind you, both times I was in a mood. Other times I have just taken/moved my son away from the other kids or simply apologized and left the situation.

    I still find it hard to say or admit he is autistic (he has been dx for 2yrs now). But some parents who seem very offended or not understanding of his behaviour, need to be told. I have said "He is autistic, he is doing the best he can". My DS has no idea what it means yet though (4yrs old) & if I tried to explain he would have no idea what I was saying.

    Hugs love. I do think some people need to be "advised" on why your child cannot control his behaviour. Don't ever take what they say or do personally xxx

  11. #10
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    1,920
    Thanks
    1,148
    Thanked
    953
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Awards:
    Funniest Caption
    It drives me crazy how complete strangers think they have the RIGHT to talk/tell off any child they don't know ... If they have a problem they should address the parent or get over it .


 

Similar Threads

  1. Help for a new single mum who is just not dealing with it.
    By CURVY MAMA OF 3 in forum Single Parents
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 04-12-2012, 21:32
  2. Difficulty dealing with 9-m old
    By anemone in forum Discipline & behaviour
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 14-02-2012, 15:44
  3. Dealing with tantrums
    By HELPihavea2yrold! in forum Parents of Children with Special Needs
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 20-01-2012, 23:57

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Boody Organic Bamboo Baby Wear
Softer than your bub's bum Boody Organic Bamboo Baby Wear
Australia's favourite eco brand has delivered a gorgeous baby collection. Made from organic bamboo, Boody's extraordinarily soft and stretchy, skin-friendly tops, bottoms, onesies, bibs and wraps don't 'cost the earth'. Get 20% OFF! Code BUBHUB16.
sales & new stuffsee all
Bub Hub Sales Listing
HAVING A SALE? Let parents know about it with a Bub Hub Sales listing. Listings are featured on our well trafficked Sales Page + selected randomly to appear on EVERY page
featured supporter
henry and grace
Summer Cool. We are the only brand in the world to use ultrafine Merino wool to produce the finest, softest & most luxurious garments whilst keeping mum and bub cool and dry. Wear them multiple times before machine washing-hard to believe, but true.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!