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  1. #1
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    Default Getting nervous...

    The past 30 weeks have gone so quickly. The birth of our little bub is creeping up so quickly and I'm starting to worry about how DD will cope emotionally.

    She has been quite happy and excited learning about babies and talking about how we will have one soon etc but now its crunch time, bringing home baby things like the new pram and baby seat etc and its caused a few meltdowns... so now I'm nervous about how she will cope.

    For example, its like she wants to be the baby. She's obsessed with babies and pretending to be one, she doesn't want her car seat anymore she wants to be in the capsule, she wants to use the new nursery quilts etc... I think it will only get worse once the cot is assembled again and more and more baby things are prepared. We only have 10 weeks or so (maybe 7 or less if DD2 comes as early or earlier than DD1) to paint, carpet, curtains and set up the nursery plus set up DD and DSD's new rooms and DH and my new room so I'm flat out trying to organise things and I find I'm not coping with DD's emotional meltdowns about the baby... how am I going to cope once bub is here?

    The other issue is TT. DD swings between wanting to be in nappies (because she is a baby) to refusing to wear a nappy, ripping it off but then refusing to sit on the potty/toilet. It's so strenuous physically, it doesn't seem like it would be but it is, trying to clothe her or unclothe her, or cleaning up messes or helping her up onto the toilet only to have her want to get down but then wanting to get back on 2 seconds later. Seriously its doing my head in!

    Anyone have any useful advice that will save my sanity and soothe DD's anxieties? I'm thinking of making an appointment with chn next week to have a chat with her and come up with some ideas.

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  2. #2
    RoseKathleen's Avatar
    RoseKathleen is offline ...Yes - motherhood is a full-time job!
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    I feel for you - it is a terrible time. But DD is just feeling insecure. I would leave off the baby stuff for a while. Close the door to the nursery and give her a week or two where you don't mention (much) about the baby and just do things for her. Ignore her when she pretends to be a baby, and involve her with "big girl" stuff - eg "Can you help Mummy put the washing out? You hand me the pegs. Wow, aren't you a big girl?" Praise her for being a "big girl", but don't say "Don't be a baby!" as it just reinforces its attractiveness. If she is being a baby, ignore and walk away.

    My two are 27 months apart. I was really worried too. I made sure I took the necessary baby items off him at least 3 months before the baby arrived. We changed his carseat, put him in a "big" bed, stopped using the pram, etc. Those items were dismantled and packed away (eg the cot was sent to my brother's house for repainting). Then it didn't seem like all of DS's "things" were being given to the baby.

    I didn't even push TT - just left it.

    You are obviously getting upset, and DD is feeling it. Just breathe! It will all be fine. I was really worried about DS "missing out" once the baby was born, but I forgot how much sleep newborns need. I had plenty of time to devote to DS. Maybe you should devote the morning to your DD, then put her down for a nap and work on the baby stuff?

    One of the things that I did that worked really well was I wrapped up 3 matchbox cars & put in my hospital bag. Then every time DS visited me, we had a cuddle and I gave him a car. He then associated the baby with presents and fun! And I never had any problems what so ever with introducing the new baby!


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    Thanks so much for the reply! All of your suggestions are helpful. Some of them we are already doing like she's been in a big bed for a while now and the cot was disassembled etc.

    I love the matchbox car idea, I'm definitely going to do a similar thing!


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    Oh and just to add though, she doesn't care much about her old stuff being used (yet!) It's more like she wants all the new things! So its kind of opposite to your DS but its all still "possession" stuff.

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    when i was pregnant with my second child i went to great lengths to help my special needs son prepare for his lil sister an one of those was i wrote a story about him being a big brother an how i still loved him an there was no need to be afraid i read it to him most nights to better help him understand i wrote it in word than added pictures of babies an nappies an things that may change very easy hope it all works out for you im sure it will be fine

  6. #6
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    OMG what a great idea! DD loves books so I can make a little series or something and laminate the pages. I can even put in photos of her! Thanks!

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    no worries i think that would be a great idea an fun to make too xx
    an yeah pic of her would be great

  8. #8
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    Think of it like this.

    It's always been just her now all of the sudden this unborn baby who she doesn't yet love and has never met is being brought all these new and lovely things that she is not allowed!

    I think once bub comes she will be better but right now she doesn't understand especially because there is no baby. IYKWIM.


 

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